Comments on: One Beijing Summer: A Tale Of Status, Sex, And A Chinese Pop Star

By: Cerise

Cerise — Tue, 12 May 2015 17:21:09 +0000

Well, this comment from “no-name” is little more than trite, self-righteous and useless.

Most women and men have, at some point in their lives, allowed themselves to be disrespected.

I have great respect for someone who can admit it and share their experience of it for others to learn from.

By: whatsis

whatsis — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 01:05:56 +0000

I’m interested to hear what your thoughts are on how Xiao Li might have seen things, William.

By: William

William — Fri, 09 Jan 2015 14:58:51 +0000

Reading your story, I feeling like running against an invisible Babel between the two cultures. As a native Beijinger, male, I strongly sense that it could be a quite different story to tell for Xiao Li even if he really is, though I doubt, as you depict, a jerk. In realizing that, I just feel deeply sorry for both of you.

By: Pati

Pati — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 02:55:16 +0000

When I met my husband 12 years ago in West China, I also tried to go native in behaviour and thinking but with time I realised that too much compromise was eroding values and principles that I truly believed in. With the years passing and having children one slowly realises what is really important. All those social conventions back in our old home in the West that in one’s youth made little sense become to some degree sensible again! To make things work with my husband we had to create our own ‘safe space’, a parallel world where both of us could engage in our relationship on our own terms. My humble advice is to stay true to yourself and stand for what you believe in even though you end up being less popular in your new environment. Keeping up pretences for the rest of one’s life is no option if you want to remain sane! I admire your honesty, Hannah. Good luck!

By: Alice

Alice — Fri, 23 May 2014 20:44:22 +0000

This just goes to show that jerks exist in every culture. As a woman who also has the “Asian thing” and pretty much exclusively dates Asian men, I hear a lot of nonsense about such classic Asian stereotypes as “You know he’s going to beat you, right?” and “You know you’re just a trophy, right?”:

http://www.abcsofattraction.com/blog/what-women-think-of-asian-stereotypes-drones-predators-and-k-pop-2-of-4/

I won’t deny that those kinds of guys exist. I won’t deny having been pursued as a trophy or arm candy just to be shown off like a zoo animal. But I also won’t deny white guys doing the exact same thing, and I won’t deny meeting some truly gentlemanly, romantic Asian who made me feel butterflies and see fireworks every time they were around. Men are the same everywhere, and I’m glad to see that you and the people commenting aren’t using a bad story as an excuse to tar and feather all Chinese men.

By: Nick

Nick — Mon, 28 Apr 2014 06:01:26 +0000

I enjoyed reading this piece, Hannah. As an expatriate white male living in Shanghai, dating Chinese women is taken for granted. However, it is not often that men reflect on these relationships in a more meaningful way. Your candid writing style helped me to better understand the past three years of relationships.

By: Saul

Saul — Sat, 26 Apr 2014 07:46:50 +0000

Thanks Hannah, really interesting piece. Don’t let the haters keep you from being honest, the laowai web scene needs you

By: Andy

Andy — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 04:06:10 +0000

Great story, keep writing and it’ll keep reading.

By: Alex

Alex — Thu, 24 Apr 2014 04:57:32 +0000

Thoughtful, well-written, poignant. Thanks Hannah for sharing this piece of your story with us.

By: NC

NC — Thu, 24 Apr 2014 02:32:24 +0000

Enjoyed this Hannah, look forward to reading more of your stuff in the future.

By: Ruth

Ruth — Thu, 24 Apr 2014 01:20:17 +0000

Hi Hannah!

Thanks for sharing this honest story with us! It really resonates with me – especially the part of trying to go with some situations because we think it’s culturally sensitive to do so (although it might not feel right on a personal level).

By: E.C. Addle

E.C. Addle — Wed, 23 Apr 2014 23:43:34 +0000

Great essay. Kudos.

By: Jocelyn Eikenburg

Jocelyn Eikenburg — Wed, 23 Apr 2014 14:03:26 +0000

Hi Hannah, I enjoyed reading your story very much. I’m married to a Chinese man and I could relate to many of your experiences. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing.

By: Laura

Laura — Wed, 23 Apr 2014 13:22:46 +0000

Hi, your story reminded me a lot of things, my friends also told me I have this “Asian thing” I started studied Chinese years before coming to China… when I was accepted to pursue the Master degree in here everybody was sure I was going to date a Chinese, it wasn’t really the plan, but of course I was open to it. I arrived to Wuhan almost 3 years ago… and not so long after I came here I met a guy, with him I experienced one of the best relationships in my life… in the end we were looking for different things so we broke up, it was a nice relationship despite all the cultural differences, we used to talk a lot, that helped. I truly fell for him, and I must confess I also relied on him too much… but well, that already happened, 过去了。After we broke up, I’ve had such terrible experiences with Chinese men… Thanks for your story, I think it’s my time to stand up for me now.

By: Claus Rasmussen

Claus Rasmussen — Wed, 23 Apr 2014 13:04:01 +0000

Wow. Good story !