Caption: “Recently, a detachment of officers and men from the People’s Armed Police in Liangshan, Sichuan held roses to depict ‘thousand-armed Guanyin,’ celebrate Valentine’s Day’s arrival, and use this opportunity to express sincerest wishes to their sweethearts a world away.”

“Such goofy romantics,” tweets Chris Buckley.

Adapted with permission from Hug China.

A young man from Hangzhou succeeded in winning the heart of his girlfriend by presenting her 999 roses folded from 200,000 yuan worth of 100-yuan banknotes.

This Chinese Romeo is surnamed Chen and hails from Hangzhou, Zhejiang province. When he visited his girlfriend’s home over Chinese New Year, he expressed his desire to marry the woman, but his would-be mother-in-law appeared reluctant because of Chen’s plain economic status.

“Renting an apartment is acceptable before marriage, but marriage without a home isn’t quite appropriate,” the mother apparently said. She went on to intimate that Chen should buy a car since the pair works far from home.

The remark may have irritated Chen, at least to the point of acting like this: he withdrew all his money from the bank, about 200,000 yuan (roughly $33,000), which he had accumulated over five years, and made 999 roses out of the 100-yuan notes. It was to show his strong, sincere desire to marry his girlfriend, and most importantly, it was an expression of his eternal love for her.

The number 9 is a metaphor for eternity in Chinese, while the rose represents love the world over.

It took Chen about five to six minutes to fold each rose, which was made out of two banknotes. He managed to make 300 in two days, then asked friends to help so he could propose to his girlfriend on her birthday on February 12.

His efforts paid off. His girlfriend said yes.

Hangzhou man propses marriage to his girlfriend with 999 roses… (Hug China)

On the famous Duan (Broken) Bridge near West Lake in Hangzhou, a guy went around asking questions about kisisng (is the upper or lower lip more sensitive?), and then tried to get couples to smooch on camera. The latter, I assure is, is not the weirdest part about this video. Skip ahead to the lip sensitivity test starting at the 2:30 mark.

Anyway, there’s no shame here. Happy Valentine’s Day.

It’s not shameful to seek a companion to calm the exigencies of the heart, which swell like waves and retreat as quickly to beach sorrow on the shores of our body.

But this woman — Liang Yali — is a swindler and sham. We think. Because what kind of slick snake salesperson would take advantage of another person’s loneliness to charge these prices — as reported by SCMP — for something called the Seek-a-Husband Training Programme?

The least expensive one-day course costs 2,800 yuan (HK$3,500), and more advanced modules can be taken for more than 40,000 yuan. There’s also the “unlimited” package, which entitles customers to attend all classes for a cool 100,000 yuan.

Alas, it’s easy for us to sit and judge. But what if we don’t do that? Because love is hard, if not outright quixotic, and our desires often play tricks on us, mask intentions, cause lust to be misinterpreted, etc. Perhaps a course to put expectations in their proper place might be useful after all for a cosmopolitan, practical society. Perhaps we could all, in matters of the heart, take a longer view and be less quick to snarl at entrepreneurs like Liang whose intentions may be aligned with those of relationship therapists and online dating CEOs.

Or. Perhaps we could be a little more slutty, see sex as a consummation not of love but friendship, a thing that forges accidental emotional ties, if any, though more often only serves to confirm that no one, no matter how hard we try, can fill the void carved out by our midnight solitude. Perhaps Liang teaches women that the only proven strategy is to guilt their man into staying, to transform their kind-hearted expatriate into a meek white knight, because we all have weaknesses that are more easily spotted by others.

Shit. I don’t know. Liang wants to “mass produce” happiness, as she puts it. To do so, she needs to standarize the human experience by straining it to its basic elements, then forging them in some selfsame fire of cold passion before the final annealment into a definable shape. I suppose it’s possible she knows some alchemy we do not. But would you pay 100,000 yuan to find out?

Course teaches Chinese women how to marry ‘elite’ foreigner in 90 days (SCMP, h/t Alicia)

Need some relationship advice on Valentine’s Day? Listen to a lawmaker in Hong Kong.

Ann Chiang, vice president of the largest pro-government political party in Hong Kong, taught wives “how to be open-hearted and get their husbands to come home” in Apple Daily.

Chiang married her husband 16 years ago when she was 42. She thought that the most important thing between husband and wife was, not surprisingly, “trust.”

“You must give your husband enough space and be self-confident. I’m confident that my husband will always come back home so I never check his mobile and text messages.”

And more:

“I can imagine that, when a middle-aged guy goes to a party and is surrendered by young women, he must be quite happy. But I’m confident that, however happy my husband is when interacting with other women, he’d always come home and find peace. Wives must make home a comfortable shelter for their husbands.”

But what if the husband still doesn’t want to go home when the wife has already done all she can for him? Ann Chiang further advises – set him free.

We already know that Chiang’s very tolerant in relationships – she once defended CY Leung’s failure to remove an illegal structure at his home in a Legislative Council meeting, saying that, “As a busy working man, CY has to fly in and out of Hong Kong on business. Many men are on their business trips and forget their wedding anniversaries, let alone when their illegal structure was built!”

So listen up ladies: Trust your spouse blindly, even though he may be creeping around on you. Home is the most important thing in a marriage. And everything is acceptable as long as your man comes back eventually.

No wonder some women say no to marriage.

For many of us who observe China’s public holiday system, today’s the first day of work in 2013. But for many others in China – especially romantics – today’s significant for another reason: it’s “Love You a Lifetime” day.

It’s not officially recognized anywhere, but today just sounds significant. In Mandarin and Cantonese, 2-0-1-3-1-4 sounds like “爱你一生一世” (translation: Love You a Lifetime). I’m not a sucker for Hallmark events like Valentine’s Day – call me unromantic – but I do have to admit that the nerd in me likes numbers, so days that sound special are kind of cool. I mean, 201314 only comes once, right?

Or maybe it’s the Hong Konger in me, and we really believe in numbers. Like how buildings can’t have 4th (die!), 14th (will die!), 24th (easy to die!), etc., floors. Or phone numbers with a lot of 8s (rich!) are always chosen first. And one time, the license plate “18” (will get rich!) sold for more than US$2 million at a Lunar New Year auction.

Anyway, I’ve digressed. For those of you reading this, I’m not going to say “Love You for a Lifetime” or “Love You For Life” or “Love You Forever” — but since it is a new year, I’ll wish you instead a “lifetime of love.” And if you’re in a relationship and don’t know how to celebrate, check out this poll on Xinhua for some ideas. Maybe today we’ll see a new record for marriage proposals!

On Wednesday morning, Chinese Valentine’s Day eve, a young man in a Xidan mall got on his knees to propose to his love and serenade her with a song. She was having none of it. Repaying his public display of affection, she kicked him.

Ladies, help me decipher: that’s just an expression of embarrassment, and the boy was right to interpret it as an act of endearment… right?

Here’s a transcript of their conversation (translation errors mine):

Boy, on his knees: “Take me.”

Girl: “What are you doing? Ai, get up. I’m telling you, get up now.”

They walk a little before the boy gets back on his knees.

Girl: “What are you doing now?”

Boy, singing: “From the first time I saw you…”

Girl: “Ai! Get up!”

Boy: “…your reflection walked into my heart.”

The girl kicks him, demanding, “Are you done yet?”

Love is never done, girl.

Boy, still singing: “Every minute, every second, I’m always loving you.”

Girl: “I find this very lame, you know. You still have any face?”

Boy, singing: “Believe in love, there will be miracles.”

After a one-second pause, the girl kicks him again on the side. She is very angry.

Girl: “Damnit… get away from me!”

Boy: “I love you, love you…”

And then he follows her, saying, “Heart’s set on you,” reaching out his bouquet for which he probably overpaid. One imagines, while completing the transaction, his heart swelled with the possiblity that she would say yes, and perhaps he grew dizzy and uncomfortable with thoughts of all that he had yet to plan in the remainder of his long life, a life which he would gladly forfeit — has already forfeited, he is well aware — at the feet of the girl of his dreams.

The two disappear out of the camera’s prying eye. A sweet tune stops playing. The seas rock and break on cold gray stones. And somewhere, a whiff of almonds.