Excerpt:

Chou was taken into a vehicle near her home in New Taipei City for what would be a four-hour ordeal.

The kidnapper demanded NT$ 7 million ($231,730) from family members for her release, but his plans were thwarted by Chou’s knack for nagging and stalling.

After providing false contact information, Chou drove her kidnapper crazy with constant complaints about her illnesses and pain. The suspect stopped at a pharmacy to buy Chou medicine.

The kidnapper was then given a stern talking-to.

“This is not the right way to earn money,” Chou said. “You still have a long way to go, but I do not have much left.”

Chou apparently is the matriarch of rich family, so it’s not like she couldn’t afford the ransom. Instead, she remembered how old she was and played the situation beautifully. Kidnappers beware: age is inversely proportional to fucks given.

Granny nags her way out of kidnapping (Global Times)

I don’t want people thinking I’m making fun of geriatrics. This photo is actually incredibly endearing, and only somewhat funny. It’s via Xinhua to promote the 2014 Beijing Book Fair at Chaoyang Park, which kicked off yesterday and will last until April 20. May just be worth the visit.

Last Monday, a curious new Chinese law called the Protection of the Rights and Interests of the Elderly went into effect, forcing the country’s healthy adults to visit their parents on a semi-regular basis. “Family members who live apart from their parents should visit often or send their regards to their parents,” the law stated. (That same day, a court in Wuxi, Jiangsu province cited the law in an actual court case.) But most people say the law is more symbolic than anything, a piece of regulation designed to remind the cosmopolitan, rapidly modernizing citizens of China of their traditional Chinaness, which includes filial piety.

But the legislators probably weren’t expecting China to see their gambit and raise them another full stack of China. In what can only be described as an overwhelmingly modern Chinese response, a service has appeared on Taobao, the country’s online bidding site, for surrogate parent-visitors. That’s right, you can hire someone to visit your elderly relatives if you’re too busy / callous / lazy / narcissistic / gerontophobic to do it yourself.

Reports SCMP:

“One hour costs 150 yuan [HK$190], one day costs 300 yuan,” said Jiang, who gave only his surname and was offering the service on Taobao, China’s largest e-commerce platform.

For that price, Jiang and his wife would visit any customer’s elderly parents anywhere in Beijing. The central district of Chaoyang would be cheaper, he said.

Jiang said he used to deliver flowers, but when the Law on Protection of the Rights and Interests of the Elderly entered into effect on July 1, he tried to fill the market niche.

Of course there would be a market niche, because this is, after all, China, where young folk routinely hire boyfriends or girlfriends to accompany them home to meet the parents. Few places are more entrepreneurial than here, so the only surprise is that it took a week for someone to start this business.

Yet still, somewhere out there, Confucius rolls in his grave, and the King of Loneliness sheds a singular tear. Is there anything worse than growing old to see your children abandon you on the shore of paltry things, the ship to Byzantium receding, aglow, into a distant sunset?

On Taobao, hire someone to visit your parents for you (SCMP, h/t Alicia)

Oh geez, more adventures on buses. In Suzhou, Jiangsu province on Saturday morning, an old man began striking and kicking a young woman he felt should have given him her seat. Of course it’s traditional in China for passengers to offer their seats for elders — we are constantly reminded of this via prerecorded messages on public transit — but why was this one particular girl singled out?

Interviewed afterwards, the young woman said she was on her way to take a test and had her head buried in review material, which is why she might not have noticed the old man standing next to her. She said the man was beyond belligerent, sticking a finger in her face and asking, “You think I won’t beat you? You think I won’t beat you?”

The initial skirmish only lasts about 10 seconds, with the older man retreating to the back of the bus to get off. But when the student pulls out her cell phone to snap a picture, the man returns to continue fighting. Eventually he is pulled off her by other passengers.

He gets off at the next stop and disappears. Police were unable to find him.

This incident comes after we saw, on May 22, an old man cause a multi-vehicle accident by grabbing a bus driver. And also last week, a foreigner completely lost his cool at a bus driver in Chengdu. Perhaps it’s time we started a new tag.

(H/T We Live in Beijing)

An 83-year-old man was riding bus No. 606 in Tianjin on the morning of May 22 when he missed his stop. Instead of doing what normal people might, which is to get off at the next stop and backtrack, he threw a massive fit, lost control, and berated the bus driver, “I didn’t see you stop at all!”

And then the old man seized the driver by the shoulder while the bus was still moving — something no one should do.

The driver jerked the steering wheel counterclockwise as other passengers began screaming in the background.

No. 606 slammed into a bus on its left before veering to the right and crashing through a barrier, coming to a stop before completely going onto the other side of the road.

Luckily, after all this, only two people were injured, and none seriously, according to the news report.

The old man was reprimanded — sternly, we imagine — but there was no word about whether he would incur serious punishment. The case remains under investigation.

Adventures on buses continue.

(H/T Reddit)

Dina Manfredini of Iowa died on Monday at 115, passing on the mantle of “world’s oldest person” to Jiroemon Kimura of Tokyo, who was born on April 19, 1897 — 15 days after Manfredini — the Guinness Book of World Records confirmed yesterday.

But not so fast, says Xinhua. In a story published two hours ago, it reports that the world’s real oldest person is actually Chinese, and apparently 127 years old:

According to the report, Luo Meizhen, a 127-year-old woman of Yao ethnicity in southwest China’s Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region, is the oldest person living on the Chinese mainland.

The report was from the China Gerontological Society, which tallies 47,773 centenarians on the Chinese mainland as of October 16, with 80.1 percent of them being women.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, Luo’s claim is impossible to verify. As Yahoo’s Daily Buzz reported in September:

Luo Meizhen, who lives in China’s Guangxi province, reportedly celebrated her 127th birthday just days ago and if it’s verified she’ll be the oldest person who ever lived. However, that may be impossible because while she says she was born in 1885, birth certificates in the region only started to be kept after the 1949 Communist takeover. All she has is a faded copy of her identity card as shown in this video from 2011.

Luo’s county in Guangxi reportedly has more than 70 residents over 100 years old, so it’s not like Luo is that much of an outliner. Then again, we all know that the days begin to blend together as one gets older, so when one gets much older, maybe the years have a tendency to do the same?

Xinhua’s story doesn’t acknowledge Kimura, and The Atlantic’s write-up on Kimura, likewise, doesn’t mention Luo. Maybe for the better: the last thing we need is for these two to be used as symbols of China’s rivalry with Japan. One imagines that after you’ve been around the block a few times and seen history repeat more than once, all except the actual fact of living might seem trivial and petty.

(H/T Josh Gartner)

Ed’s note: Offbeat China, who first blogged this on Friday, has more pictures of Liu Xianping, the 72-year-old model of Yuekou online store. This piece is the first for BJC’s newest contributor, Xiao Yi.

By Xiao Yi

“Look at the camera – no slouching!” Miss Lü instructs as she shoots pictures of her 72-year-old grandfather, dressed in a casual tailored blazer, a pencil skirt, and cigarette-leg jeans – a.k.a. the latest figure-flattering winter trend. The skinny model, Liu Xianping, looks stunning in long, dark brown, sexy wig. And with just a single pair of shades, the confident baller proves fashion’s most ironclad rule: sunglasses can make anyone, and I really do mean anyone, look cool.

Miss Lü, co-owner of a women’s fashion store on Tmall, an online shopping mall that’s part of Taobao (China’s version of eBay), inadvertently launched her grandfather’s fashion career. According to Beijing News, Miss Lü was unpacking a newly received stock on November 8 when her grandfather began playing around, mixing and matching, and tried on a piece himself. “We both thought it looked good on him,” Miss Lü said. “He has a young heart.”

Liu Xianping lived through the hardest time in modern China. Until well into his 60s, he was a farmer tilling the earth in Hunan Province. Then one day, his granddaughter brought him to Guangzhou for a vacation.

“It was a lot of fun shooting and we just thought the pictures would be entertaining, too.” Miss Lü said. She put the photos of her grandfather online, and he became an Internest sensation. During the November 11 Singles Day shopping spree, her online store saw revenue increase fivefold.

Netizens were amazed. One buyer, “mangoslayer,” said, “What an overwhelming project, he poses better than celebrities on TV. The store owner has a good taste.” Most netizens thought it was hilarious and agreed that they would not have guessed Liu’s real age.

Many women have also expressed jealousy of Liu’s slender figure:

@Little Fish: Look at those legs! He is like the girl from SNDN.

@Love Yet to Come: His neck is straight and long! Wow, so confident!

@鲨鱼子: He has the body of a professional model.

“Grandpa felt his breasts were too small and insisted on stuffing socks,” Miss Lü said. “At home, Grandpa cracks jokes whenever he can.”

In spite of Liu’s age, he likes to try new things, according to the New Beijing Press story. He often games on QQ, the biggest social networking site in China, and has more than 15,000 fans on Weixin, China’s popular instant messaging app.

As for cross-dressing, is Grandpa Liu making a controversial statement about gender roles in this traditional society?

Nah, he’s just having fun. “Why shouldn’t I (wear women’s clothing)?” he said. “Modeling for (my granddaughter) is helpful, I don’t lose anything. At this old age, I just want to be happy.”

Xiao Yi is a travel enthusiast who tweets @ellies_day.