That’s actually Dennis Rodman. He gets blown up by Kim Jong-un in this Pistachios commercial, and I’m confused: I thought they were friends?

Also confusing, this Rodman line:

“The secret to world peace is: pistachios.”

Which, if we’re being honest, is a little less confusing than the Associated Press’s latest article about Rodman and North Korea, on November 20, featuring lines such as:

Dennis Rodman wants to belly up to the bar with some friends and order a shot of peace talks.

He believed his latest proposal is just the tonic needed to ease tension between the United States and North Korea.

“Everyone knows (President Barack) Obama drinks beer,” Rodman said. “But you know what? I’m pretty sure he does have a cocktail here or there. I’d love to see him with a ‘Bad Ass Vodka’ shot in his hand, toasting to Kim Jong (Un) and me.

Those are the first three paragraphs. What happened to the world we recognize?

Dennis Rodman arrived back in North Korea today for the first time since March, when he became the first American to meet Kim Jong-un since the marshal took power. Rodman was greeted at Pyongyang Airport by the Associated Press, to which he said:

“My main plan is basically to come over here to, not to be a diplomat, to become a friend of the marshal and the country of North Korea, and just to show people around the world that we as Americans can actually get along with North Korea. I’m an athlete, and I know the marshal, he loves sports, he loves basketball, so I guess that me and him have something in common. So I’m here to visit him to see how he’s doing, see how the family’s doing, and just to revisit the country.”

See how the family’s doing. What a world we live in, that The Worm can be on familial terms with the leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. Reports AP:

Rodman was greeted at Pyongyang’s airport by Son Kwang Ho, vice-chairman of North Korea’s Olympic Committee, just days after Pyongyang rejected a visit by a U.S. envoy who had hoped to bring home Kenneth Bae, an American missionary jailed there.

Before leaving from Beijing today, Rodman repeatedly said he was not going as “a diplomat,” which means he will likely not be talking to anyone about Bae. Which is interesting, because in May, he tweeted that he wanted Kim Jong-un to “do me a solid” and release the American citizen:

I'm calling on the Supreme Leader of North Korea or as I call him "Kim", to do me a solid and cut Kenneth Bae loose.

— Dennis Rodman (@dennisrodman) May 7, 2013

UPDATE, 9/4, 12:03 am: Rodman says in this Huff Post interview that he was not responsible for that Kenneth Bae tweet.

It’s unclear whether Kim will meet his basketball friend, or whether his hands aren’t a bit tied at the moment with US-South Korea military drills and reports that his country is abetting Syria.

Rodman is being hosted in North Korea by the Ministry of Physical Culture and Sport, which has not confirmed if or when Rodman will meet Kim Jong Un.

UPDATE, 9/8, 12:37 am: Rodman has returned from Pyongyang. No Kenneth Bae (of course).

Showcasing the best in Asian-related memes. Sources: We Know Memes, Wuluwu. (Reference for the above: here.)

North Korea’s secret weapon:

North Korea today can threaten all of South Korea and parts of Japan with its conventional missiles and its conventional military. The North can fire 500,000 rounds of artillery on Seoul in the first hour of a conflict. Stability has held for 60 years because the U.S. security alliances with South Korea and Japan make it clear to the North Korean leadership that if they attacked South Korea or Japan, they would lose both the war and their country. And, for half a century, neither side believed that the benefits of starting a major war outweighed the costs. The worry is that the new North Korean leader might not hold to the same logic, given his youth and inexperience.

Right, et cetera. But let’s look at the counterpoint, shall we?

That Reuters picture, via KCNA, was posted by Max Fisher of the Washington Post. Fisher writes:

Now, it’s possible that this computer – encased in a giant metal box, looking very retro – does something amazing. But note some of the environmental details: the dining room chair, the consumer desktop keyboard and Logitech mouse. None of those really scream “advanced military computing technology” so much as they suggest “we should put an old Dell in this metal box to show to Dear Leader.”

Yeah, um. North Korea’s still playing Brood War while everyone else is on Heart of the Swarm. They’re not going to war anytime soon.