Colin and Tiggi, winners of Chug-Off for Charity 2013. The championship belt is on display at the Paddy O’Shea’s on Dongzhimen Outer St.

A big thank you to everyone who attended Chug-Off for Charity at Great Leap Brewing on Saturday. We raised at least 4,288 RMB for Magic Hospital, which will continue its excellent work providing happiness to sick, orphaned, and neglected children in Beijing. UPDATE: 5,000 RMB is the final figure, which includes 360 RMB from beer sales plus an anonymous donation.

The tournament featured 16 teams, but unfortunately we could only have one winner. Congratulations to Go on the Pikies, consisting of Colin (a Dubliner visiting from London) and Tiggi (from Leeds, the manager of Paddy O’Shea’s). Here’s the final big board, plus each round’s results:

Click to enlarge

Round 1:

Team We Rule def. Laowai Diaosi
Go on the Pikies def. 6 Sheets to the Wind
Terrible Trivium def. Wild Cats
Lured by Sherpas def. Kirby
Carlos Ottery def. Bruce
Tyler and Andrew def. Adam and Joe
We Waterboarded with Beer def. Team Denmark
The Lonestar def. Chung-Chugger and the G’ Sauce

Quarterfinals:

Go on the Pikies def. Team We Rule
The Lonestar def. Terrible Trivium
Lured by Sherpas def We Waterboarded with Beer to Practice
Carlos Ottery def. Tyler and Andrew

Semifinals:

Lured by Sherpas def. The Lonestar
Go on the Pikies def. Carlos Ottery

Check out Colin’s chug vs. Carlos’s teammate in the semis. For real, man?

Championship:

Go on the Pikies def. Lured by Sherpa’s.

Here’s one angle of Tiggi’s final chug vs. Nitai, courtesy of Alicia:

And here’s another, via Carlos’s phone:

For now, one more look at the champions:

We haven’t written our last word about the event, but we’d be remiss for not thanking, once again, all our sponsors:

• Great Leap Brewing, which donated all the beer used for the competition and all the winners’ prizes.
• Sherpa’s, which donated 100-rmb vouchers for all participants.
• Plastered 8, which donated t-shirts.
• Judges: all of you.
• And That’s Beijing, which supplied prizes (including Pitbull tickets, a pair of which Smart Beijing also donated) via these fine establishments:

Last but not least, if you haven’t yet, check out the work of Magic Hospital, a wonderful local charity that’s committed to making children happy. They also supplied bags, candles, and mugs to all Chug-Off for Charity participants, because they’re awesome.

We’re going to have a full recap of Saturday’s Chug-Off for Charity at Great Leap Brewing in the morning, but for now, just watch this ridiculous, jaw-dropping performance from Colin of Go on the Pikies in the semifinals of our 16-team tournament. The crowd’s reaction says it all: a moment of stunned silence followed by interjections of appreciation and jubilee as we process what we just witnessed.

Colin, by the way, is a Dubliner who’s currently working as an actor in London. He just happened to be passing through town. He and his partner, Tiggi of Paddy O’Shea’s, would go on to win the championship belt.

Again, more in the morning. But what a show. UPDATE: Official recap.

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The beneficiary of tomorrow’s Chug-Off for Charity at the new Great Leap Brewing is Magic Hospital, a 10-year-old organization based in Beijing that organizes activities to cheer up sick, orphaned, abused, and generally neglected children. They’re a wonderful foundation, and to tell you more about it, here’s Lesley Sheppard, Magic Hospital’s volunteer communications director.

Some highlights:

On Mr. Liu, a “performance artist” who’s been working with Magic Hospital from the very beginning and has never missed a week of work (4:50): “You have children who are so sick maybe they’ll be in wheelchairs, maybe they can barely move, they’re so weak sometimes — and their eyes light up, they’re smiling, they’re waving, everyone wants to go up and touch him, hug him.”

On funds running low (15:48): “It’s every non-profit’s nightmare, trying to get enough funds. One thing that happened is all of our core team moved at one time. Poor Rob (Wang, director of Magic Hospital). It was Rob, and only Rob. And it wasn’t planned that way, it’s just how it happened. So as a result we missed some of our fundraising events, we got a little bit behind. At the same time, hospitals want us more days. So the hospitals that just had us on Saturdays want us on Sundays, and we don’t ever want to let any children down.”

On a particularly memorable experience (24:05): “I was there on the floor, we were playing some bingo, and I was singing some songs to them, and we’re having a great time, and I notice this one little girl over in the corner. She wasn’t participating that much, but there were a whole bunch of kids climbing all over me, so I didn’t focus too much on it. And when I began to sing the songs she perked up and she came running over and she just threw her arms around me, and she motioned — she can’t talk, she has some serious learning disabilities, but — she kept motioning with her hands, Up, up…”

Lesley and Rob are both expected to attend the Saturday event, where we’ll also have a lucky draw (sponsored by That’s Beijing) and some merchandise via Plastered 8 (like with the raffle, all proceeds to Magic Hospital). A portion of the sales on one of Great Leap’s beers will also be donated.

Download Episode 10 of The Creamcast here, or listen to it on iTunes.

|The Creamcast Archives|

Theme song sampled from Löhstana David’s ”Demain je change de vie,” and our logo is by Katie.

You can catch Amy Daml every weekday from 8 to 10 pm on China Radio International’s Easy Cafe. Anthony Tao @anthonytao is subbing for John Artman @knowsnothing on this episode.

Our good friends at That’s Beijing are giving us not one, not two, but five prizes to raffle away at Saturday’s Chug-Off for Charity. As with the contestant fees, all proceeds are headed to Magic Hospital. Tickets will be priced at 10 yuan, though if you buy five, we’ll throw in an extra one for free. What can you win, you ask?

• 4 x Peking Opera tickets
• RMB 500 for Reignwood restaurant Le Carrousel
• RMB 200 Zen massage VIP
• Voucher for free workout at Hilton Gym for 2 people (value RMB 1000)
• This is Sanlitun poster signed by cast and principal crew
• …and possibly more

We’ve asked That’s editor-in-chief Robert Foyle Hunwick — who you know around these parts as RFH — to take a moment from deadline week to answer a few questions.

What’s the best thing you’ve ever won in a raffle?

A bottle of wine.

How about the worst?

That same bottle of wine.

Obviously there are no bad prizes available in Saturday’s raffle, but which prize would you cherish the most, and why?

The same one we can all take some comfort from: that amid all this silly macho expattery, some local children in need will (hopefully) get some of what they need. So please everyone, be generous, and don’t grumble about giving 150 kuai to charity in exchange for good food and drink. (Ed’s note: event is free to spectate, so bring your friends! Drop a tip in the donation box if you’re feeling good.)

What’s the best raffle prize you wish you would’ve won? Please say it was a chance to meet Neil Oliver.

[no reply]

Please ask your own question and answer it.

Has Tao run out of creativity? Evidently, yes.

What will you be wearing to Chug-Off for Charity?

Stay-crease stonewashed magnolia action-slacks, knit-back brown-leather driving gloves, plaid safari shirt withfaux velvet collar trim, golfing cap, Kim Jong-il sunglasses. But that all depends on whether my dry cleaner has his sh*t together.

Chug-Off for Charity is this Saturday starting at 2 pm at the new Great Leap Brewing (12 Xinzhong St).

The Chug-Off for Charity field is set.* In addition to the prizes our 16 teams will be competing for, we’d like to add the above belt, which is awesome. Seriously, that thing’s worth at least as much as that 300 RMB Great Leap bar voucher the champ will also take home.**

* We do have a wait list, so get in touch if you’re still interested.

** Great Leap owner Carl Setzer, fellow pro wrestling fan, approves of this message.

Previously: The Judges of Chug-Off for Charity

In a perfect world, no result of any chug-off would ever be disputed.

This is not that perfect world.

Please meet the judges of Chug-Off for Charity.

You have questions, we have answers.

Why six?

Actually, only a panel of three will referee each race. We’ll dip out of a pool of six to ensure (hopefully) we’ll always get three who aren’t acquainted with the contestants.

Who are these people?

Clockwise from top-left, ending in the middle: Robert Foyle Hunwick (RFH), editor-in-chief of That’s Beijing (generously offering prizes for a RAFFLE, which we’ll tell you about later); Steven Schwankert (Schwank), editor-in-chief of the Beijinger; Natalie Litofsky (Natalie), Web editor of City Weekend; Morgan Short (Morgan), editor-in-chief of Smart Beijing/Shanghai; James Wilkinson (Wilks), editor of TimeOut Beijing; Tyler Roney (Tyler), editor-in-chief of The World of Chinese.

Are you sure?

Google wouldn’t lie.

Why is there a 5-to-1 ratio of male to female judges?

We can’t have the entire panel be City Weekend editors, now can we?

Why have you agreed to be a judge for our chug off tournament?

RFH: Vainglorious hubris.

Natalie: It combines two of my favorite things: beer and judging people.

Morgan: I never turn down the opportunity to judge people, especially in a public setting.

Tyler: Because charity is a thing that people do, apparently.

Schwank: I love getting free stuff from Carl Setzer. I will get free stuff, won’t I?

Wilks: Has everyone else done a joke about mishearing it as a tug-off tournament? If not: that. If so: in order to show up the other magazine eds with my superior, sparkling wit.

Of your fellow judges, who do you think you’d most likely be able to beat in a chug-off, and why?

Morgan: All of them. Any time. Any place. Especially if the medium is shame.

Tyler: Robert Foyle Hunwick. His name sounds like a Victorian mustache comb.

RFH: Wikinson I can probably take. I am only saying that just because I know it will enrage him, and anger is the enemy of good judgement (and, perforce, chugging). The others I have no idea. Tyler Roney looks he chugs all his beer anyway, just as SOP.

Wilks: Rob – I’d point out a beautiful woman at the other side of the room, and while he metamorphosed into a cartoon of a lascivious Englishman I’d pour my beer in a pot plant.

If you could chug off against any person from history, who would it be?

Natalie: Hemingway. He’d probably already be too drunk to notice me casually sipping.

Tyler: Isaac Asimov. A genius, one of my favorite writers, and it’s a sure thing because he was famously a lightweight.

Morgan: Fuck, man. Einstein. Jesus. Elvis. Oprah. Whatever. How many of these do you got?

RFH: You’re putting me on the spot here. I’m going to say the first name that pops into my head. Harriet Tubman.

In one word, describe Carl Setzer, owner of Great Leap Brewing.

Natalie: Bearded.

RFH: Bearded.

Tyler: If my beer is free: “Awesome.” If it’s not: “Pedophile.”

Schwank: Huggable.

True for false: to “chug it” is British slang for “to masturbate.”

Tyler: It sounds dumb, so, probably. What do you expect from people who spell “honor” and “theater” like Frenchmen. True.

Morgan: True.

Natalie: I’m not sure, but I recently learned that “growler” is British slang for something else inappropriate when I asked a British friend if he wanted to see a photo of my growler.

True for false: to “chug it” is American slang for “to masturbate.”

RFH: I’d say that was likely bullshit, otherwise those US frat parties would be even more homoerotic than they already are.

Wilks: False. It’s American slang for being the receiving end of a bukkake session.

How would you assess your judging style? Firm and decisive? Supple and forgiving? Leisurely and corrupt?

Natalie: Open to persuasion by means of voluntary gifts.

Morgan: Firm, supple, corrupt.

Schwank: Totalitarian, similar to my editorial style.

RFH: I’m open to bribes.

What is your favorite beer… to chug?

Natalie: I guess Yanjing is probably the closest to water…

Wilks: Flat Yanjing. Essentially water.

Tyler: Killian’s Irish Red. It’s spicy amber lager, and, if you drink enough of it, it makes you sing all the words to “Devil went down to Georgia.”

Schwank: Yanjing, because it’s not worth drinking any other way.

What is your favorite expat magazine?

Natalie: City Weekend.

Schwank: The Beijinger. They give me money every month.

RFH: The Exile.

Morgan: They’re all useful.

*Puts on sunglasses*

To wipe my ass with.

*Takes off sunglasses*

And for finding out about interesting new restaurants and cultural events.

*Puts sunglasses back on*

Right before using them to wipe my ass.

Who at your magazine’s office is the best chugger?

Wilks: Jared, our nightlife editor. I’m just assuming that because he’s that kind of guy – I’ve never actually challenged him. Christ, what are lunchtimes like in the Beijing Cream offices?

Schwank: I’m guessing Paul Ryding, our nightlife editor. He’s a big guy.

Tyler: Carlos Ottery. Apparently, he won at one of a Beijinger chug event. But, we also get a lot of interns, and their livers haven’t shriveled up to look like torn garbage bags yet, so they might win.

Morgan: Umm… there’s two of us. I think Josh would win. He seems to like beer quite a bit and I’m more of a vodka and pilates kind of guy.

What’s the best part about being an editor at your particular magazine?

Morgan: It’s so hard to choose just one thing, but this moment right now is a definite highlight.

Wilks: My air of unbearable smugness and self-deluded conceit is actually earned.

Tyler: We have a mini-fridge.

Schwank: Being invited to fun community events like this one.

What do you know about Magic Hospital?

Natalie: Anyone who attempts to infuse a hospital with magic is ok in my book. Kids (and really, all humans) heal better when they’re laughing.

Wilks: Is this where I give you the code word and you sell me drugs?

RFH: It’s where kids go after a visit to Magic Pub?

Schwank: My friend Richard Robinson has been involved with them for a while. If my understanding that they do medical work with kids is correct, then I like them a lot and hope I can help.

Please think up your own question, then answer it.

Morgan: Q. Why does a chugging contest need judges? Wouldn’t the guy who finishes the beer first be the obvious winner?

A. That’s a very good question, Morgan. I can’t answer that.

Tyler: What are the galactic coordinates for Gallifrey? 10-0-11-00 by 02 from galactic zero center.

Schwank: When will your long-awaited book about your discovery of a British submarine lost in China be published? Thanks for asking, Anthony. “Poseidon: China’s Secret Salvage of Britain’s Lost Submarine” will be published in October by Hong Kong University Press. It will be available in Beijing and from fine online booksellers.

Wilks: “Fucking hell, this Q&A’s turned into a bit of a busman’s holiday, hasn’t it?” “Yes, it has – how astute of you, James… and may I say you look great this evening?” “Shhh, he didn’t say two questions.” “Oooh, get her!”

What will it take to win the 2013 Chug-Off for Charity?

Natalie: An iron stomach.

Wilks: Gills / the eye of the tiger and the throat of the hippo / a garden hose and funnel / hongbao envelopes for the less scrupulous judges / all of the above.

RFH: Didn’t I already mention the bribes?

Morgan: Being the fastest at finishing your beer seems to be the one sure-fire path to victory. Good luck, everyone!

Chug-Off for Charity is this Saturday, August 24, at the new Great Leap Taproom (12 Xinzhong St.), starting at 2 pm. There are still a limited number of spots available for contestants (150 rmb / team). Email tao@beijingcream.com to register.

The good folks of Sherpa’s — a delivery service that brings food to your doorstep from select restaurants in Beijing, Shanghai, and Suzhou — are joining us to help make Chug-Off for Charity memorable. All contestants — and there are still slots available, just email tao@beijingcream.com to register — will receive a 100 RMB Sherpa’s voucher, which is, like, two free burgers, or a giant plate of chicken wings and salad, or a Pad Thai plus chicken curry. The combinations are endless.

To get you excited, we invited Sherpa’s founder Mark Secchia to answer some questions.

Think you’re the fastest beer-chugger in Beijing? Prove it. Sign up for the inaugural Beijing Cream Chug-off for Charity on Saturday, August 24 at 2 pm at the new Great Leap Brewing (between Sun City and Chunxiu Lu). All proceeds will go to Magic Hospital, a local charity that “strives to help in the healing of sick, abused, neglected and orphaned children by restoring an element of fun in their day.” It’s absolutely a good cause, which we’ll tell you more about in the coming days. Great Leap is very generously donating all the beer that will be used at the event.

Teams can be up to but not exceeding two people. Your team will be entered into a single-elimination tournament in which one person chugs per round, with the winner’s team moving on, and the loser’s team going home. (First-round losers will each get a Pale Ale as consolation). All matchups in every round will be determined via random draw, Champions League style.

PRIZES: Semifinalist teams will receive an appetizer on the house. In addition, each of the individual finalists will receive a growler of Great Leap beer. And finally, GLB will give a 300-RMB bar voucher for the winning team.

The cost of entry is 150 RMB per team, whether you’re going maverick (pro: more beer!; con: more beer) or playing with a partner (pro: split the price; con: partner might suck). We’ll throw in a goodie bag for all entrants, featuring stickers and sundry.

YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, WE HAVE ANSWERS.

Q: What kind of beer will we be chugging?

Great Leap beer.

Q: Great Leap beer? Not Tsingtao, Yanjing, Harbin, or Snow?

Great Leap beer. Not Tsingtao, Yanjing, Harbin, or… ew.

Q: How big are the glasses?

440 milliliters.

Q: Let’s go back to the Great Leap beer thing. They aren’t meant for chugging, are they? Will it be… dangerous?

Absolutely dangerous. Symptoms inclue double vision, cirrhosis, appreciation for professional wrestling, numbness to the world’s pain, postcoital triste, and belief in one’s possible immortality. Chug-off for Charity organizers assume no responsibility for anything that happens to you.

Q: Can I bring friends?

You damn well best. While our judges are impartial to the extreme, they are only human, and in the case of a tie, the contestant that gets the most cheers may well sway the committee. So bring friends, have them bring signs, wave rally towels, etc. Free to watch, of course.

Q: I’m digging Magic Hospital. Is there a way I can donate to them directly even if I don’t want to drink?

Absolutely. We’ll have a donation box, and Magic Hospital volunteers will be on hand to give you more info. We’ll probably be selling event t-shirts as well to add to the donation box. So, buy an awesome shirt, help a child. Leave with an awesome shirt.

Q: How did you come up with this idea?

NO MORE QUESTIONS. SIGN UP NOW: Email tao@beijingcream.com to register your team. Slots will be filled on a strictly first-come, first-served basis.

Updates to come.