If you’re going to throw a hissy fit during a delay at a Chinese airport, do it like this woman: without violence, in front of an audience, with just the right dash of the dramatics. The Nanfang has a transcript of this young lady’s soliloquy:

I’m from Shandong I tell you! From Shandong!

INTERLUDE: Actually, that’s a bad start. Don’t begin with Shandong.

You people are so disgusting!

INTERLUDE: Eeeech, you know what… don’t say that, either.

If you want to think I’m mentally ill then go ahead. My father’s name is (too muffled to hear). My mother’s name is Chen. My father is a national-level government official.

INTERLUDE: Oh, uh. On second thought, don’t do it like this woman. Have you thought about smashing some equipment?

He was a provincial-level cadre before. So if you people want to play I’ll play with you.

(Let us note here that she eventually begins shedding clothes, and she wasn’t even wearing all that much to begin with.)

If anything happens to me, you Guangdong people will have to change your mayor (sic). We Shandong people have so many superstars among us. I’m a minor celebrity myself.

She’s not completely wrong about the “superstars” bit, if by superstars she means total whack jobs. The man who stabbed and killed two people outside a Beijing mall last Wednesday? Shandong man. The fireworks bomber at Beijing airport on Saturday? Born in Shandong. The 11 members of a fishing boat who were convicted of murdering 22 people on the high seas? The vessel left from Shandong, was named Shandong No. 2683 trawler. It might still be early to say, but Shandong might be the new Hainan (which was, of course, the new Henan).

She eventually said:

If anybody tries to mess with me, I could have the entire internet shut down.

Officers on the scene were willing to take that chance. But as one of them approached, barely laying a hand on her, she collapsed in a heap like a soccer player. Good job, lady. Good effort.

Airport Meltdown: Woman insults locals, says she can shut down the Internet (The Nanfang)