The end of the world is upon us!

AHHHHHHHHHH.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

AAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The above image comes to us via Rob, who you might know around these parts. He writes in:

We were planning to run a massive front page feature about the 10 Best Places to Get a Vajazzle in Beijing – you know, solid expat-rag stuff, scooping the competition – but most of our editorial team skipped work on Friday, thinking it was Armageddon, so might as well ride that shit out in bed. I saw a gap in the market: once the apocalypse hits, you’re going to need a magazine, sure, but what kind? Well, here it is: the only, number one, post-apocalypse listings magazine in Beijing. Suck on that, Beijing Review. Read ‘em and weep.

Let’s look at other images from around China. This next one is from Liuzhou Laowai:

And this is from a BJC reader who’s an avid follower and fan of Laowai Comics (it depicts an apocalypse of self, which is really the only kind there is, right?):

And finally, a classic that isn’t really China-related, but was posted on China Digital Times – from Dan Piraro:

Happy Apocalypse Day, everyone!

Related: check out our apocalypse-tagged stories.

A poll conducted by Ipsos on behalf of Reuters asked respondents whether they agree with this statement: “The Mayan calendar, which some say ‘ends’ in 2012, marks the end of the world.” Of the 16,262 adults in 21 countries, 10 percent thought yes. In China, that number is 20 percent.

Two in ten (20%) of those in China are in agreement with the statement, followed at the top of the global list by 13% in each of: Turkey, Russia, Mexico, South Korea and Japan. Only 4% in Germany and Indonesia seem to believe the prophecy, joined by 7% in Great Britain, South Africa and Italy.

Perhaps the fault is with the wording. Maybe Chinese respondents thought they were taking a true/false test: The Mayan calendar indeed does say the world ends in 2012. I’m no pro, but perhaps a better question would have been, “Do you believe the world will end in 2012, as predicted by the Mayan calendar?”?

Interestingly, only 12 percent of Chinese respondents said they “have been experiencing anxiety or fear because the world is going to end in 2012.” So: 20 percent says world will end, but out of that 20 percent, nearly half don’t give a fuck.

Here’s the full breakdown:

UPDATE, 11:30 am: Discovery News tells us people always go around saying “yes” when confronted with questions of doomsday, and adds:

Although this is an interesting poll, don’t go reading too much into it. It doesn’t represent the downfall of critical thinking or a crisis in society, it just represents the psychology of doomsday fears and the rich tapestry of modern culture. When you have an ancient calendar, superstition and innumerable options as to how the Universe may destroy our planet on a whim, there will be some people that buy into the fear.

And here’s Reuters:

Gottfried also said that people with lower education or household income levels, as well as those under 35 years old, were more likely to believe in an apocalypse during their lifetime or in 2012, or have anxiety over the prospect.

“Perhaps those who are older have lived long enough to not be as concerned with what happens to their future,” she explained.

(H/T Behind the Wall, MSNBC)

Chinese police have detained more than 500 people from a fringe Christian group for spreading rumors about the world’s impending end, state media reported Tuesday.

That’s a lot of people.

In western China’s Qinghai province alone, police arrested more than 400 members from the religious cult group, state-run China Central Television said Tuesday.

Police seized leaflets, video discs, books and other apocalyptic materials in the recent arrests of more than 500 people across eight provinces and regions, from the prosperous east coast to less developed western China, state media reports said.

The group is called “Almighty God,” a.k.a. “Eastern Lightning,” “after a phrase from the Bible’s Book of Matthew,” according to AP.

Widely regarded as a heretical Christian sect, the group preaches that Jesus has reappeared as a woman in central China. It has been accused of targeting Christians, kidnapping and beating them to force conversions.

The world is most likely not ending December 21, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with it. Here’s a villager with his giant ball. Here’s a villager with his ugly boat. And here’s an inventor with an indestructible yellow ball. We’ll let you guess which two of three of these inventions is being self-hailed as “Noah’s Ark.”

UPDATE, 11:12 pm: More info about this group, via Blood and Treasure:

Almighty God/Eastern Lightning’s theology seems heavily Taiping-derived, with a third Jesus sent to bring a new dispensation. This time, Jesus is a lady and the Mayan long count prophecies filtered into China seem to have triggered the idea that the time for the final confrontation with the Big Red Dragon has come, or at least a recruitment effort based around this notion. Like other syncretic Christian cults in China, AG/EL recruit and fund through techniques adapted from multi level marketing companies. They also seem to operate using a classical terrorist cell structure.

Liu Qiyuan, 45, isn’t letting the end of the world take him alive. He’s built seven spherical survival pods, each costing about $50,000, that are water-proof, ice-proof, and fire-proof. “Only my daughter supports me,” Liu says. “Practically everyone else thinks I’m crazy.”

“If there is really some kind of apocalypse, then if you use my product, it has the ability to save people, and I think that would be my contribution to humanity,” he adds.

He hasn’t sold any pods yet. The national maritime department hasn’t contacted him, either. We think they should throw. Look at him: he has the sort of entrepreneurial spirit that this country could use — if it survives past December 21, that is.

Although… hopefully he’s not called out for shanzhai. Youku video for those in China after the jump.

(H/T Shanghaiist)

First, I’m not sure what makes this boat something that can survive the apocalypse; is it the railing up there? Second, I’m not sure this boat can float.

But in defense of Lu Zhenghai, a man in Urumqi, Xinjiang who spent his life savings of 1 million yuan building this vessel, it’s not exactly done. Quoting Global Times:

Lu said that due to a lack of funds, the boat is still not completed after two years of work.

“Now the boat still needs at least another million yuan for more equipment,” said Lu.

Equipment might be an understatement. Right now, it looks like he’s spent 1 million to build a barn with unstable supports. One more million and he’ll still be a few screws short of Noah’s Ark, I think.

Lu said he built this thing because he was afraid of the 2012 apocalypse.

Lu Zhenghai began building the boat in 2010, China News Service reported on Wednesday.

The vessel, designed by Lu himself, is 21.2 meters long, 15.5 meters wide and 5.6 meters high.

And it displaces about 140 tons of water. The boat will have a total weight of 80 tons after it is completed.

He’s running out of time, considering December is just around the corner.

The good news, however: China already has a Noah’s Ark. Several, in fact, thanks to inventor Yang Zongfu, and they only cost 1.5 million yuan.

Or Lu could do the sensible thing: throw up his feet, crack open a Yanjing, and watch the splendor that is a solar flare ripping through life, limb, and earth. The Yanjing is cold and delicious.

(H/T Alicia)

If you can’t find it, build it. Noah’s Ark is the creatively named project of Chinese inventor Yang Zongfu, an insulated, breathable, livable yellow ball that we’re told can withstand 1,700 degrees Celsius of heat, survive a magnitude-10 earthquake, and support life for a year (not like James’s Giant Peach, we don’t think, but it supports lots of supplies). Also, it’s waterproof.

According to Dongfang News via Zhejiang Online via Qingdao Media (Chinese online news sites are weird), the four-meter-diameter ball can carry 33 tons of water, has a safety seat, lookout system, ventilation, bathroom and living facilities. The ball is built with 3.5 millimeters of steel plate, 57 centimeters of insulation, 300 high-intensity shock absorbing springs and 75 airbags. Yang said vehicles have hit the ball at 100 kilometers per hour, and the people inside report not feeling a thing. The coolest part: between the third and fourth layers is a 10-centimeter layer of rotating liquid, filled with either water or lubricating oil, which maintains the principle of the gyroscope so that people inside don’t roll when the ball rolls.

There’s more. The living space can accommodate three people, with leftover room to store a year’s worth of food and water. The bottom of the ball is reinforced steel, ensuring that it floats right-side-up. There’s also a motor at the bottom to enable navigation in water.

Lest this is all beginning to sound like a hypothetical science fair project, Yang climbed inside the ball on Monday and let himself be rolled from a slope of about 50 meters into a watery landing. When he emerged from the ball, there was a little blood on his mouth, but he smiled and said it was because the seatbelt cut him when he tried to exit the pod.

The contraption cost Yang 1.5 million yuan and took him two years to build. We’re told he has 300 national patents – and the same birthday as Thomas Edison. He’s been dubbed the Inventor King, or King of Inventions. And now we know the real reason the arks in the movie 2012 were stationed in China.

Youku video of the above: