A Guardian sub-editor overdosed on caffeine while writing the headline to a humdrum taxi-app story. How else to explain this?

Popular app for calling taxis shakes the foundation of China’s one-party rule

China’s one-party rule has survived market reforms, the killing of students, Wukan, and Bo Xilai. But it currently quakes at its foundations because you damn people can’t stop using Didi Dache and Kuaidi Dache.

(H/T RFH)

Cabbie watching TV while driving. Yup, back to #beijing, #china pic.twitter.com/obT76NeMRz

— Patrick Lozada (@patrick_lozada) January 21, 2014

What do you even do when this happens? And is there any show so important you would just have to watch it while driving/working/chain smoking?

“Sexual Harassment” first appeared on Heatwolves.com and is republished here, with slight alterations, with permission.

Many advise against taking red cabs in Shanghai. “Sketchy” is an adjective that gets thrown around a lot to describe these vehicles. Red cabs are privately owned, unlike those blue/yellow/green cabs or the nicer Expo taxis that belong to companies that own thousands of cars. There’s more variation within the red cab category than all other colors combined. Once, the driver of an immaculate red Kia gave me an architectural tour through the Jin Qiao suburbs in perfect English. Another time, some friends piled into a ragged old red VW Santero and the 司机 (driver) proceeded to casually light up a crystal meth pipe while cruising down the bund. A wide range, red cabs.

Before the night in question, my girlfriend said the drivers of red cabs naturally take more pride in their car’s upkeep and provide better service because it’s their car not the company’s. Makes sense. Maybe that’s why I chose to take this sad red cab in front of 88 Bar on Fumin Lu. I wasn’t in there, just down the block.

I get in. The car smells like cum. Older red Volkswagen, tinted windows, middle-aged driver wearing glasses and some kind of leather hat with a short brim. Car smells strongly like semen. I start thinking about that scene in Taxi Driver where Travis Bickle says “Each night when I return the cab to the garage, I have to clean the cum off the back seat. Some nights, I clean off the blood.” But I’m past tired and it’s a short ride so fuck it, I tell him the address and on we go. Driver puts on some “high” Chinese club music which makes things less awkward.

“Oh you like electronic music too? When you drive a car, you gotta have music. I don’t understand those people who drive in silence,” I say.

“Oh you speak Chinese? You have been in Shanghai for a long time I bet.”

And we start talking, and dude is dropping some serious knowledge. At one point he calls me “the new Chinese” (“你是新中国人！有的人从外地搬到上海，他们是新上海人，你是新中国人”!).  In six years, no Chinese person has ever called me this. This concept does not exist in China. Americans take it for granted that almost anyone can just become an American through struggle and luck. I said, “Wow, that’s really polite of you because Shanghainese never say ‘new Shanghainese’; most just say wai di ren” (外地人, outside people; mildly pejorative depending on tone/context).

More wisdom imparted – the driver says I’m getting older, and I should get home and see my parents more. “都回家看看父母.” Sound advice, and dude has a weird aura about him. Like, “Ayyyyy, you know what I’m saying right? 对吧。”  What some would call a “smart crazy person.”

We pass the world’s cutest kitten shop on Huaihai Lu, across the street from gay bar dungeon Shanghai Studio where cabbies wait outside for hours on weekends in hopes that they can get some cock. The topic shifts to women, and driver says, “What kind of girls do you like? I don’t like those skinny girls with twig legs, I like a women with meat on her. Something I can feel. What kind of girls do you like? Do you like girls like that?” The excitement in his voice rise as he speaks.

“Yeah I do like girls who are more robust, voluptuous.” 丰满.

“Ayyyy now we’ve reached a common point, as men. We both like women who have meat. It’s more comfortable when you make love with them right? You really get what I’m saying right?” And he keeps asking “我讲话有没有到你心里了？” Which literally translates to, “Is what I’m saying entering your heart?” but actually isn’t quite that strong. I didn’t know at the time though so this sentence was really freaking me out.

Then the driver asks if I have a girlfriend, and I say yes. He’s visibly excited about this and though I’m visibly uncomfortable with the topic, he keeps saying, “It must be comfortable when you make love to her, and her lips must feel good on your dick.” He repeats that same sentence “Is what I’m saying entering your heart?” and asks more creepy sexual questions until we get to my corner.

As I’m waiting for my change, he asks if I live with my girlfriend, I say no and and then he says “ok, I hope it feels comfortable when you make love to your girlfriend.”

What a strange dude. Is he rolling around talking sexual to people and beating off when he’s got no customers? I mean, his car smells like cum and he’s asking me intensely about how good it feels when I make love to my girlfriend. Bizarre.

I exit the cab and the driver says zaijian, and I’m standing on the side of the road feeling uncomfortable. I thought about this for the next week.

The author is a writer/DJ/label curator based in Shanghai. He’s from the Love Bang Crew. Hit him up @HeatWolves. (Image via)

If you ever run a scam, please note that overcharging by roughly 8,000 percent will probably get you caught. That’s the sort of greed that’s plain reckless.

In Shanghai last month, as reported on Sunday, a cab driver charged a Japanese passenger 2,300 yuan for a 4-km ride in Pudong. But there’s a happy ending here, as Global Times reports:

The Shanghai Municipal Transport and Port Authority also required the driver, surnamed Zhao, to return the money to the passenger, according to a report in the Shanghai Law Journal.

We’re not sure why the passenger agreed to fork over 2,300 yuan for a 20- to 30-kuai ride, which, seriously, is an 8,000-percent markup (GT suggested the driver may have intimidated the passenger). One also wonders: how does a meter even go up that high, that fast? Did it happen in real-time? Were the numbers changing at a cartoonish pace, until the T-I-L-T showed on the meter?

Earlier this month, we learned about a Chinese student who was charged $4,240 for a cab ride from O’Hare, a mark-up of a mere 1,800 percent, give or take. To the best of our knowledge, that student has not gotten his money back.

Cabbie charges rider 2,300 yuan (Global Times)

A foreign couple’s backseat passion in Shanghai on Sunday morning gave nearby passengers — stuck in traffic, it appears, on a highway — a peep show they were not looking for, but obviously did not mind. Check out this collection of pictures from @frida1986 (a Sina Weibo account that no longer exists). The woman reportedly sat on the man’s lap in the back of their taxi and “rocked her body up and down.”

The driver — we can only imagine nonplussed — tried his best to stay focused. Or he turned up the Marvin Gaye. One or the other.

(H/T Chris Buckley)

An international student with limited language skills arrives in an airport and is approached by a helpful-looking taxi driver. The student needs to get to a place 150 miles away. Sorry kid, no more buses, says the driver. But I can take you.

Great, the kid replies. How much?

Oh, only 1,000 RMB.

Sound familiar? Except this didn’t happen in China, and the driver didn’t quote RMB. He said dollars, as in 1,000 USD — for a trip from Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport to Urbana-Champagne. Oh, and he also lied about the buses.

After reaching his destination, the driver changed his mind and said the fare would actually be $4,800. The student didn’t have that much, so he forked over $4,240 — all of his money.

Reports Illinois’s The News-Gazette:

(UI police Sgt. Tom) Geis said the student initially tried to reach Chicago police via email and that the case came to their attention on Monday of this week. They then contacted the Chicago police station at O’Hare in hopes of identifying the scammer. The only description police have is that he is a white male, about 5 feet 9 inches tall, with a medium build and lighter short hair. The student did not supply an age.

Geis said he’s heard of students being taken advantage of through Craigslist scams for apartment rentals or fake checks sent as downpayments for summer jobs — but never anything quite like this.

The incident happened on August 20, with the student’s plane touching down at around 6 pm.

Also:

Geis said the student was so overwhelmed that he left his cellphone in the scammer’s vehicle.

There is, as far as we can tell, only one difference between getting scammed in China and in the US. You can call the police in the latter, and they’ll actually help. Of course, with such limited descriptions of the scammer — not even an age estimate? — it seems unlikely the student will see his lost money.

Julie Misa, director of the International Student and Scholar Services program, said her office has a website with all kinds of information that foreign students can view before they ever leave home.

“We point them to our web page where we have extensive pre-arrival information, including information about transportation from Chicago to Champaign.

“We try to get them basic information. We do talk about how much cash to bring to get started. I think our suggestion is more in the neighborhood of $2,000,” said Misa.

There’s a reason programs exist to prepare students for their trips abroad. What an awful way to start an international adventure, this. We do, of course, wish the best for the kid. It can only get better from here.

UI student from China scammed out of thousands at O’Hare (The News Gazette, h/t Daily Mail via Nick Papa)

For years, as the price of everything around us in Beijing increased, taxi fares remained unreasonably low, starting at 10 yuan ($1.63) and moving at a snail’s pace when the vehicle was stalled (i.e. stuck in traffic). This has caused problems for drivers, especially during rush hour, and this, in turn, has caused problems for passengers, who have found it difficult to find open cabs during times of need.

Hopefully the crooked supply-demand curve changes soon, with this latest fare hike. Bloomberg reports:

Starting from June 10, the base fare will be increased 30 percent to 13 yuan ($2.12) for the first 3 kilometers (1.86 miles), the Beijing Municipal Commission of Development and Reform said in a statement posted on its website. Each additional kilometer will cost 2.3 yuan, up from 2 yuan currently, according to the statement.

Lest anyone thinks about complaining, here’s a bit of context:

Even after the fare increase, it remains cheaper to hail a cab in China than many other countries. Costs start at the equivalent of $7 in Tokyo, $3.30 in London and $3 in Washington.

Beijing’s cab drivers earned an average 53,892 yuan in income last year, lower than the city average of 56,061 yuan, even though cabbies usually work longer hours at about 10 hours a day, according to the local government.

We’ve known this was coming for a while — the Beijinger reported on this last wek – but it’s finally good to finally get an exact date: June 10, Monday. You have four days to buy yourself an electric bike or scooter. Take it from someone who purchased one this past winter: you’ll not know why you didn’t do it sooner.

Alright Beijing folks, taxi fuel surcharges are up to 3 yuan again, where they should have stayed after the April increase from 2 to 3 yuan. (The price went back to 2 yuan on June 18 due to a sharp decline in oil prices.)

According to BJ News, gasoline prices are the main reason, again, for this price increase. As always, if the distance traveled is within three kilometers, there is no fuel charge. Everything else remains the same.

Don’t be that asshole who argues with the cabbie because you didn’t know.

This is the sort of story that you wish was merely an urban legend. Recently, a man in Beijing taking a cab from Wudaokou was jabbed by a hypodermic needle hidden, for reasons unknown, in the back pouch of the front seat, where magazines are kept. Apparently the syringe broke skin on his right knee. When he saw there was fluid inside the needle, he became very worried and had it examined at the Chaoyang District Disease Prevention and Control Center.

The man, surnamed Xu, soon got word that the fluid contained the HIV virus.

The news hit him “like a bolt from the blue,” according to the video (translation errors in subtitles are mine).

But hold on, there’s some good news and bad news. The good news is Xu initially tested negative for the virus, though he has to be checked three more times in three months to verify. The bad news?

As South China Morning Post notes (from behind a paywall):

The man was preparing to take his girlfriend to visit his parents as a prelude to proposing. But when she learned of the incident, she ended the relationship.

We do hope, for their sake, they get back together in three months when tests confirm Xu is clean. In the meantime, he should feel heartened by this:

Scientists and medical authorities noted that HIV does not survive well outside the body, making the possibility that he is infected remote.

Lun Wenhui, a doctor at Ditan Hospital, told the Beijing newspaper that the HIV virus needed optimal temperatures to survive outside the body. He said the case was a freak accident and urged the public not to panic.

Nonetheless: what a nightmare.

UPDATE, 8:05 pm: Not sure how I overlooked this detail earlier, but it seems important. SCMP again:

The taxi driver said he had picked up three women passengers before the man but had not noticed anything suspicious.

Police have declined to open an investigation, classifying the incident as accidental injury.

Declined to open an investigation? As Natalie Nitofsky points out on Twitter, that sure seems fishy.

Then again, police can be quite lazy chaps, so maybe they’ll change their minds about that investigation after sufficient public pressure mounts.

Or maybe our man Xu was having an affair with someone he discovered was HIV-positive and needed an alibi for his girlfriend just in case he tested positive. That’s crazy, of course. But crazier than being accidentally jabbed by an HIV-laden syringe in the back of a taxi?

UPDATE, 8/28, 5:16 pm: Right, now they’re investigating. Via People’s Daily Online, translated by chinaSMACK:

On August 27, results of the unknown substance samples by both Center For Disease Control And Prevention of the city and the district show positive for HIV-1.

The Beijing Public Security Bureau said via its official microblog @平安北京 that the police is now trying their best to investigate and they also call on citizens to provide useful clues. Insiders may call 110 to contact the police.

In Hong Kong, millions take the Peak Tram every year, making it one of Hong Kong Island’s biggest tourist draws. And where there’s tourists, there’ll be vendors who try to capitalize. Unregistered taxi drivers, for instance.

There must be several unwritten rules among such drivers, which I won’t pretend to know, but one such rule seems to be obvious: don’t bargain with potential customers until those in front of you have done so first. What happens when someone breaks that rule?

Watch the above. Fists fly from all directions. Youku video for those in China after the jump.

I’m embarrassed to have gone so long without posting this, but last month, Chengdu tourism officials created a commercial promoting black-and-white “panda cabs” in London using Kate Middleton, Prince William, and the Queen impersonators, and the Daily Mail tells us, in its article yesterday, that Britons aren’t too happy about it.

Is it because the Duchess of Cambridge says, “I just don’t understand why we cannot take the royal limo. I didn’t marry into royalty to schlep around in a taxi”? Is it because the Queen is shrill and makes people want to punch her with the way she says, Taaaxxxi? Or this exchange?

William: “But darling, granny is right. The commoners want to see us tightening our belts and all that.”
Kate: “Rubbish, people want to see that they can be like us if they just work hard.”
Queen: “Like you did?”

ZING!

Right, apparently the British don’t like any of that.

According to Daily Mail:

Filmed in Greenwich, in south east London, the two-minute advertisement was made for the Chengdu Association for Cultural Exchange with Foreign Countries and promotes a fleet of 50 ‘panda cabs’, which are London black-taxis with pictures of the bears painted on to them.

The association hopes the panda cabs will help boost tourism in Chengdu, an area which attracts almost 100,000 visitors each year to its world-renowned breeding and research base for giant pandas.

The advert, which is running on social networking sites, was described as a bit of ‘harmless fun’ by a spokesman for the Chengdu Association, the Express reported.

And funny, unintentionally and incredibly in a “I can’t believe this ad was made” sort of way.

Still better than this though.

Here’s the video on Youku:

(H/T E)

Only two weeks ago, a reckless Chinese driver in Singapore plowed into a side of a taxi, killing both cab passengers and himself (GIF credit: Alicia). We now have more of the same. (And in case you needed a reminder — there’s a lot of the same.) On Shenzhen’s Binghai Road on Saturday around midnight, a speeding red coupe crashed into two taxis, causing one of them, an electric BYD, to erupt into flames (all three passengers in that car perished). A passing cabbie caught video of the fireball. The driver and passenger of the other taxi, which was flipped upside-down, both crawled out. The coupe’s driver — who was apparently going in excess of 150 kilometers, according to the guy who shot the video, and apparently had been drinking, according to Shenzhen authorities — was a young man who had three young ladies in the car with him. He fled the scene with two of them (the other was pinned inside the car), but later turned himself in. Sina video for those in China after the jump, plus update.

UPDATE, 10:21 am: Here’s a picture of the two passengers in the electric taxi that exploded, according to a Sina Weibo post that’s gotten more than 2,800 forwards and 1,100 comments in less than two hours (it was posted at 8:25 am):

UPDATE, 6/8: A story in Reuters says the BYD explosion may have been caused by a leaky battery (h/t The Nanfang).

(H/T Alicia)

If you’re the person responsible for creating the below, please step forward to claim your prize.

*UPDATE, 5/22, 10:48 pm: Origins are now known! The diagram comes from Henry Breimhurst, first posted on his blog So I’m Going To China on June 6, 2007. Thanks to commenter Arnold for pointing me to it.

The basics of Driving in China…

Here is the explanation of a simple concept: the left turn.
For the ones who live in China: an overview of what we live everyday For the ones who are out of China: happy memories of the traffic here!

STEP 1:

[B] proceeds to swerve right, cutting off [C], a tiny red Peugeot with a gold plastic dragon hood ornament, spoiler and assorted knobs glued on. Since [B] is just accelerating, and [C] is now decelerating, this has created a low-density ‘dead space’ in the intersection. [D], a strange blue tricycle dumptruck carrying what appear to be 40 of the world’s oldest propane tanks, sees this and makes a move.

STEP 6:

DENIED! [E], an old red taxi with its name sloppily stenciled in white on its doors, has boldly cut across two lanes of traffic, behind [D], and then swerved right, driving [D] into an extremely weak position behind [A]. Meanwhile, [B] and [C] are still fighting for position, with [C] muscling his way into the crosswalk. The only thing between [E] and a successful left turn is a few lawful pedestrians. [E] steps on the gas…

STEP 7:

…and is cut off by [F], an elderly man pedaling his tricycle verrrryyy slooooowwwly with a 15-foot-diameter sphere of empty plastic cooking oil bottles bungee-corded haphazardly to the cargo area. He was part of the lawful pedestrians, but seeing the stalled traffic, decided to cut diagonally across the intersection. Not only has [F] blocked [E], he is headed straight at [B], giving [C] the edge he needs.

STEP 8:

[B] concedes to [C], who drives in the crosswalk behind [F] and blocks [E]. Meanwhile, [G], a herd of about 20 bicycles, mopeds, pedestrians and wheelbarrows, sensing weakness in the eastbound lane and seeing that much of the westbound traffic is blocked behind [D], breaks north against the light. [F] pedals doggedly onward at about 2 miles per hour, his face like chiseled marble.

STEP 9:

Now things get interesting. [C] has broken free and, as the first vehicle to get where he was going, wins. [E] makes a move to block [B] but, like [A] at the start of the left turn, only gains a ‘weak’ block. [A] has cleverly let [F] pass and guns into a crowd of [G], which both moves [A] forward and drives some [G] stragglers into the path of [D], clearing [A]’s flanks. Little now stands between [A] and a strong second-place finish.

STEP 10:

Except for public bus [H], one of those double buses with the accordion-thing connector. [H] has been screaming unnoticed along the eastbound sidewalk and now careens dangerously into a U-turn. This doesn’t appear to concern the 112 people packed inside and pressed against the windows (although that could be due to a lack of oxygen.) [H] completely blocks both [A] and [D]. On the other side of the intersection, [B] has swerved into the lawful pedestrians (who aren’t important enough to warrant a letter) and has gained position on [E]. [E] has forgotten the face of his father: He was so focused on his battle with [B] that he lost sight of the ultimate goal and is now hopelessly out of position. This clears the path for dark horse [I], a blue Buick Lacrosse, to cut all the way across behind [H] and become the second vehicle to get where he was going (and the first to complete a left turn), since [F] has changed his mind again and is now gradually drifting north into the southbound lanes. But everyone better hurry, because the light is about to change…

STEP 12:

And we’re ready to start over…

“What is it with people falling through the sidewalk in China?” asks Katie, who brought my attention to the above, which happened in Xi’an, Shaanxi province. Remember the woman in Beijing who was plunged into boiling water when the ground inexplicably gave out from under her feet? How can you not remember. Sidewalk. Walking. SUBMERGED BY SCALDING WATER. DISASTER. She would perish from her injuries, which we were told included her skin and flesh getting “almost separated.”

The girl in the above video — Youku version for those in China after the jump — fell about six meters, but fortunately not into flaying liquid. A nearby taxi driver who saw the thing unfold immediately tried to help, and eventually the girl was pulled out and declared OK. That’s the good news. The bad news: Now we have confirmation that sidewalks are unsafe. What next, falling anvils? How next will death conspire to end our mortal coils by the most indecorous devices?

Starting tomorrow, taxis will charge 3 yuan instead of 2 yuan for distances over 3 kilometers. According to CNR, this regulation was approved by the Beijing Municipal Government in accordance with the National Development and Reform Commission’s increase in the price of refined oil to 600 yuan per ton on March 20.

Before your eyes glaze over completely, what does this mean for you, me, all of us?

I have a friend who once, in a central Chinese town, argued with a cabbie over an airport surcharge. Basically, he didn’t know there was a surcharge, so he thought the cabbie was asking for a tip. It was more than 1 or 2 yuan — something like 10 yuan — but my friend got so ill-tempered that the driver shooed him out and said, “Ah, forget it.” The next day, my friend went back to the airport taxi line and saw a sign that read: 10 YUAN SURCHARGE.

He felt like an ass. Don’t be that guy.