Those wonderful viral marketers at Durex — who were responsible for this ad that implied Barack Obama has a bigger penis than Mitt Romney — sprinkled some photoshop magic to one particular photo of Xi Jinping and Peng Liyuan that’s been making the rounds.

In the original – somewhat lampooned because China’s First Lady is using an iPhone – Xi Jinping definitely does not have a condom in his breast pocket. Eric Jou, the Kotaku correspondent in Beijing who recently joined Twitter, captured the above screenshot before censors nuked it off Sina Weibo.

On the one hand, we’re playing right into the (probably cruddy, gummed) hands of Durex’s marketing department by reposting this. On the other, we do hate censorship, so… here it is. Shanghaiist has it too.

By the way, censors don’t want you searching for “Peng Liyuan iPhone,” either. Goddamn censors.

A politician, his wife, and a tennis star  join the likes of Jay-Z, Bryan Cranston and Kim Jong-un as the only Chinese citizens on Time’s annual list of 100 most influential people in the world. (Ahem, “world.”) You probably can guess, but the three are Xi Jinping, Peng Liyuan, and Li Na. Here are snippets of their profiles:

On Xi Jinping, by Henry Kissinger:

Xi is convinced his generation’s hardships gave it the strength to face the challenges of adapting China to the consequences of its success. He has put forward a sweeping reform program designed to move millions to the cities, streamline bureaucracy, reorient the economy away from state-owned enterprises and fight corruption.

On Peng Liyuan, by Hannah Beech:

Now her clothes make headlines. While rich Chinese favor Western brands, Peng pointedly wore domestic labels on her tour. She’s bringing glamour to Made in China.

On Li Na, by Chris Evert:

Li Na is a maverick. Who else would stand up to the centralized Chinese sports system as Li did, back in 2008, when she pushed for more control over her career? Li persuaded the Chinese Tennis Association (CTA) to start the “fly alone” policy, which gives players more independence. Now they keep more of their money, giving just a fraction of their earnings to the CTA, compared with the bulk before.

Also making it is Taiwanese American Kai-Fu Lee, who Dai Xu, that crazy Chinese colonel, recently accused of being an American spy. Arianna Huffington thinks Lee’s is a “universal story — of striving for freedom (online and off), of the power of technology to circumvent the status quo and of an individual’s potential to create new opportunities that benefit not only himself and his community but the wider world.” Yup, spy.

(H/T Martin M.)

Peng Liyuan may be unlike other wives of China’s leaders — she’s the country’s first “First Lady,” after all — but that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to stray off-message when talking about her.

Case in point, the above photo, published by @HKfighter with an accompanying message that was translated Tuesday by China Digital Times:

@HKfighter: After the Tiananmen Massacre, Peng Liyuan sang to comfort the soldiers. Open Magazine published this photo. [Then] for the 82nd anniversary of the founding of the Chinese Communist Party [in 2003], she sang the theme song for a commemorative film, declaring “fight for power, rule the country,” the heartfelt thoughts of the Party elders.

The picture didn’t last long on Chinese Internet — it is, we reiterate, her singing to soldiers after the June 4 Tiananmen crackdown — and neither did @HKfighter: the account has been deleted.

Open Magazine is a liberal Hong Kong journal, as CDT informs. Earlier today, the Associated Press confirmed the authenticity of the photo:

The image of Peng, wearing a green military uniform, her windswept hair tied back in a ponytail as she sings to helmeted and rifle-bearing troops seated in rows on Beijing’s Tiananmen Square, contrasts with her appearances this week in trendy suits and coiffed hair while touring Russia and Africa with Xi, waving to her enthusiastic hosts.

…The image is a snapshot of the back cover of a 1989 issue of a publicly available military magazine, the PLA Pictorial, according to Sun Li, a Chinese reporter who said he had taken a photo of it on his cell phone several years ago when it was inadvertently posted on his microblog. Sun said he quickly deleted it and had no idea how it resurfaced on the Internet years later.

The other picture that’s been scrubbed from Chinese Internet — it lived longer before dying an unceremonious death — is a photoshopped image of Xi Jinping carrying his wife’s purse. All in all, it’s rather complimentary, but enough people have been fooled into thinking it’s real that authorities probably figured it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

China Media Project is on this one:

The post is a repost of an original post that read: “Even a really awesome husband must help his wife carry her bag. Ha ha!”

Perhaps this is why the CPC was hesitant, earlier, to unleash Peng Liyuan: public figures always come with baggage.

Peng Liyuan, who’s warming up to her role as China’s “First Lady” — a term that, lest you forget, has basically never been applied to the wives of Chinese leaders — is currently traveling with her husband in Africa as part of Xi Jinping’s first overseas trip as Chinese head of state, and it’d be an understatement to say she’s kind of stealing the show. The New York Times called her “glamorous, fashionable and one of her nation’s best-known singers,” while reminding us that she “became a household name in China well before her husband,” thanks to her career as a People’s Liberation Singer beginning at the age of 18. The Brits are taking turns chirping about the “Kate Middleton effect,” with the Telegraph noting, “Footage of Peng Liyuan, 49, simply dressed in a black coat and light blue scarf triggered first lady fever in the Chinese media and on the internet.” The AP and CNN both used the word “glamorous” in their stories. And Chinese Internet — don’t get me started; there’s Sina (above pic), People’s Daily calling her “charming” in its headline, and CNTV covering her trip to a Russian orphanage, et alia.

None of this surprises us, even as, last fall, Sina Weibo was actually blocking searches for Peng Liyuan. As early as last November, we were extolling the virtues of unleashing the megawatt-star-power potential of Peng. Allie Jaynes wrote, “You’d think having a singer babe on your team who devotes her spare time to anti-smoking campaigns and helping earthquake victims would be a windfall for the party’s propagandists.” Oh, and don’t forget working on tuberculosis and HIV/AIDS issues, because she does those, too. Peng is a political boon and a dream for advisers, publicists, and narrative-makers from Zhongnanhai to Capitol Hill. What further proof do you need of her ability to charm and captivate?

Glad you asked. Glance upon the following video, from a PLA performance in Moscow on June 20, 2005. The Chinese newscaster stops talking at the 47-second mark, at which point you can watch Peng electrify the crowd. Oh, she sings in Russian. Few in the audience, one imagines, knew Xi Jinping in 2005, but after this show, most of them probably remembered Peng Liyuan.

More than half a million people have watched this video on Youku since it was posted three days ago. Star power. Only a fool would fail to bottle it for use in the one arena — the biggest of them all, politics — in which China desperately lacks personality.

By Allie Jaynes

As many people have already discussed, Xi Jinping’s famous hot wife is presenting some issues for the PR folks at the CPC. You’d think having a singer babe on your team who devotes her spare time to anti-smoking campaigns and helping earthquake victims would be a windfall for the party’s propagandists.

Apparently not. Peng Liyuan’s name is blocked on Sina Weibo, and while 10-page spreads on the Obamas or Kate Middleton sell like hotcakes in China, you’ll be hard-pressed to find gossip mags discussing this country’s first lady. I get their fears, but in light of all the recent scandals and Hu Jintao’s vortex of charisma, they could kinda use an image makeover.

Yesterday I started asking myself if the government couldn’t use Peng to make the party hip with the kids. I mean, there are people who watch CCTV’s campy Spring Festival Gala when they’re not being forced to by their families… right? Right?

A quick poll of Chinese friends and their friends proved me wrong. Most comments were along the lines of, “What? Why would I like her?” and “Ew, I absolutely hate that kind of music.”

Hmm. My sister in Canada helpfully offered, “She looks like someone who could not possibly be popular with the kids, except the kids who are equivalent to the ones interested in reading that Conservative Teen mag.”

Fine, maybe I’m out of touch. But frankly, I would be sad to lose the public side of this woman. She’s kind of amazing. Not just because of the AIDS activism, or that her legs look phenomenal in a military skirt.

Let these videos illustrate:

1. She is the Chinese Cher…

…if Cher were less of a hippie and more into songs about how the army is your friend. But seriously you guys. The white hair. The 70s flared pantsuit. The costume changes? I’m not going to put you through the whole hour and 20 minutes of this one-woman musical, but skip to about 5 minutes and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

2. She is the Chinese Marilyn Monroe

Just look at this group of barely post-pubescent soldiers aching for some Mrs. Robinson action. One of them claims he walked for five and a half hours to get there. (Trust me, dude, that line is not going to work. Desperation is such a turn-off.) Look how she makes each of these boys feel loved and important after their hard, eating-the-bitterness walk. Look at her calves in those heels! If I were her husband, I might want to get her out of the spotlight too.

Compare:

3. She likes doing laundry.

This video is kind of amazing, obviously. The original definitely does not stand up to the Peng Liyuan version, where we get to see Tibet as it should be: in glorious neon.

And it’s called Laundry Song. Look, I hate doing laundry. Specifically, hanging it. (Confession: sometimes I totally leave my wet clothes in the machine all day just to put off this task.) And here Peng is, promising me not just clean clothing, but improved infrastructure at the same time. It’s no wonder this Tibetan-impersonating dance troupe looks so thrilled. I’d fall into shoulder-waggling step behind her any day of the week.

4. She knows how to smile

Have you seen pictures of CPC leaders? You have? Then I rest my case.

Allie Jaynes is a freelance journalist living in Beijing. She tweets at @AllieJaynes.