I’m no zoologist, but maybe tigers deserve a bit more dignity than tugging on a knapsack pulled by two-legged jackals?

Some netizens seem to agree. Via Shanghai Daily:

Many netizens thought the games between human beings and tigers are inappropriate. One netizen worried that a tooth of the tigers might be pulled out.

This is at Changsha Ecological Zoo in Changsha, Hunan province. A live chicken is in that sack. Tourists pay 45 yuan for the right to participate.

It is reported that in one such game, seven tourists lost to a four-year-old Amur tiger.

We’ve seen this before. Last October, a zoo in Wuhan pulled out the rope for tigers to tug against humans, prompting me to write, “Judging by the popularity of the spectacle, expect copycat schemes to pop up in zoos around the country.” What took so long?

The Changsha zoo’s public relations team has tried to spin the activity as being healthy for the tigers:

Yi Ting, a media staffer at the zoo, said yesterday that the tug-of-war game aims to train the wild Siberian tigers and stimulate them, avoiding sickness that could be caused by their long-term captivity in the zoo. Tourists who buy a ticket for 45 yuan (US$7.36) can participate in the game.

That’s incredible. Look at that quote again. A zoo that keeps animals in captivity long-term is admitting that its solution to preventing sickness caused by long-term zoo captivity is… tug-of-war.

No wonder sometimes zoo animals here sometimes look like this.

Zoo’s tiger-human tug-of-war game condemned by netizens (Shanghai Daily via Sina, h/t Alicia)

UPDATE, 10/1, 2:55 pm: Here’s a video via The Diplomat:

Typhoon Usagi, with winds of up to 110 mph, began lashing southern China over the weekend, leaving at least 25 people dead in Guangdong province. At least one hippopotamus also finds itself stranded.

CRI has pictures of this friendly hippo lying in water outside a park in Shantou, Guangdong province. We’re told this two-ton fella has lived in the zoo since 2008; we can only hope that it finds its way back before too long.

Also, it should not pull an ostrich and run down the road.

(H/T Austin Ramzy)

A zoo in Henan recently put a Tibetan mastiff in its lion pen, which had no lion.

We have no doubt they did this as a joke, perhaps to see which zoo-goers, followed by news outlets, would take them seriously. But we wonder — is this “trolling”? Is this “satire”? Is this actually a political statement about the Chinese zoo itself, forcing us — by caging a household pet — to see the metal bars which render animals as objects of amusement and belittlement?

Here’s SCMP:

In the zoo in Luohe in Henan , a cage marked “African lions” actually contained a Tibetan mastiff, a breed of domestic dog with fluffy brown fur around its face, according to photographs published by mainland media.

Zoo administrator, what say you? Surely this is part of a grand plan to…

A zoo administrator tried desperately to explain. “The wolves are there,” he told an Oriental Daily reporter.

What?

“But the wolf is somewhere else in the pen and the dog is a pet. The African lions will be back. They went to another zoo to breed.”

Aw, shit. Of course. Just plain idiocy.

Really, though, the dog is probably being treated better than lions. People tend to be assholes to exotic creatures.

Henan zoo under fire for trying to pass off dog as African lion (SCMP)

We’ve heard of a mother biting off her son’s penis, but a monkey on a child? Shanghai Daily has this weird and startling tale of the menacing monkey:

A monkey bit off an eight-month-old boy’s right testicle in a zoo in Guizhou Province yesterday and doctors said the damage was beyond repair, Shenzhen TV reported today.

Oh God.

The boy’s family condemned the indifference of the zoo management after the mishap and demanded compensation.

Trivial. Tell us more about the simian’s teeth of abandon.

A park official told the family that injuries from mon[k]ey attacks “are too common and happen all the time.”

But monkeys are so friendly and entertaining.

The monkey that broke loose from the cage and was playing with visitors suddenly attacked the boy when the mother was changing his diaper.

“It happened within seconds,” said the mother, crying and kneeling in a hospital, begging doctors to save her son.

“Please save him. He is too young to suffer all this,” the woman screamed and nearly collapsed.

The zoo will pay 10,000 to cover the boy’s medical bills. The family, presumably, is asking for more money.

Monkey bites off baby’s testicles during diaper change (Shanghai Daily, h/t Alicia) (Image via)

A 23-year-old gorilla named Jiaku became famous at Tianshan Wildlife Zoo in Xinjiang for being a “heavy smoker.” He was known to perform tricks — doing handstands, turning in circles, clapping his hands, even performing ballet moves – to get visitors to throw him a smoke, and would sometimes get desperate without his nicotine fix.

His trainer, however, out of concern for his health, has recently tried to wean him off cigarettes. The method has been to lace his ciggies with chili pepper and to apply an ointment on the end. So far it’s worked, according to the Sina Weibo account of Xinjiang Live.

But it’s not so simple. That same Weibo account has implored readers to “please stop giving him cigarettes,” since, you know, habits are hard to break. We don’t mean smoking habits: we mean the habit of being an asshole in Chinese zoos.

Imagine, as a recovering smoking addict, being taunted by hundreds of people every day who shout at you to “do that trick of yours” for a cigarette. Cancer almost seems merciful by comparison, doesn’t it?

(H/T @Edourdoo)

It’s only natural for zookeepers to worry about caged animals getting loose. What is fairly obviously not normal, however, is having humans don animal suits to simulate this scenario, for “training” purposes.

These pictures were taken recently from Taiyuan Zoo in Shanxi province. Look at this one: there’s a guy in a white lab coat employing a blowdart.

We’d make jokes — when did Mickey Mouse grow candy cane horns? — but it would be overkill.

And we laugh now, but when a lion, tiger or bear escapes its pen and is immediately corraled by zookeepers who display the speed and professionalism of trained masters, it is they who will laugh last.

More pictures via Sina Weibo:

(H/T Alicia)

The Sina Weibo user who posted this picture, @哥不一搬3285043987, appears to have absonded from social media, but he/she thinks this giant panda in Lanzhou, Gansu province is dying because the zoo can’t feed it. The post:

Lanzhou City Zoo’s panda is the world’s saddest panda. Thin and dirty. So hungry it can’t even walk. Supervisors also will beat it. I beseech Lanzhou’s mayor, even though we’re Gansu poor, forget about saving face, don’t raise it if you can’t afford to, you can give it to a developed city in the south, America is okay too, I think they’ll treat the panda well. Begging everyone to save Lanzhou’s precious, Lanzhou’s young animal, begging everyone. If everyone agrees, please forward this Weibo!

It’s not that we don’t believe animals are mistreated at Chinese zoos. But starving a giant panda, the symbol of China? Would they really, even in Gansu?

But that panda does look like it’s a handgun away from shooting itself in the head.

(H/T @MissXQ)

Two lions from the Chongqing Zoo made a dash toward freedom yesterday around 8 am. If you were a wild animal, to say nothing of the king of the jungle, you probably wouldn’t want to stay in a Chinese zoo, either — especially not after shit like this. But the one place worse for a wild animal to find itself in China besides a zoo enclosure is not a zoo enclosure. Because that’s when the humans send snipers at you.

Very luckily for all parties involved, administrators sealed off the wild animals section of the zoo where the lions were on the loose, and the creatures were not shot down. In addition to scary snipers and riot police, anesthetists were dispatched as well, and a lioness was successfully anesthetized and returned to her cage, according to Xinhua. The other lion, a male, was tracked into the bird forest, where the “danger was greatly reduced.” The story ends on that note, so we’re not sure what that quite means. Hopefully he’s not dead, either.

(H/T @MissXQ)

Don’t feed zoo animals. Repeat these four words like mantra. Don’t feed zoo animals. You might think it’s cute to see them chomp down your fucking chocolate, your haw chips, your plastic-wrapped apricot pastry, but then they die. Get it? THEY KEEL OVER AND CEASE TO EXIST. If this still doesn’t register in your brain, you deserve a swift punt in the gonads, because reproduction is a privilege, and you’re a pile of shit.

Over Spring Festival, an alpaca and red panda were found poisoned at Donghu Zoo in Fujian province. Vets found oleander in the alpaca, which, FUCK, I wouldn’t even eat, nor would you, nor any human being because it’s fucking poisonous. “A red panda from the zoo suffered the same fate just days later,” states SCMP, matter of factly, without resorting to expletives.

Despite repeatedly warning tourists not to feed the animals at the zoo, keepers struggle to enforce the rule, particularly during peak seasons such as the Lunar New Year break. According to the news report, visitors were seen feeding French fries to the animals.

The alpaca, by the way, is the model animal for the grass-mud-horse meme creature, i.e. caonima (homonym for “fuck your mother”). I’m not going to say there’s irony here, because there isn’t. But “fuck your mother” is exactly the thing to say to zoo-goers who feed poisonous evergreens to caged animals. Fuck your mothers very hard, buddies.

Two animals poisoned to death at Fujian zoo (SCMP)

Whether dealing with common pets or endangered species, many humans still don’t know how to be humane. But public reaction to conditions at the Beijing Zoo and an incident at South China Normal University in Guangdong indicate that at least awareness is growing among animal advocates and netizens in this country.

A video of the poor living conditions of a polar bear at the Beijing Zoo, posted by Sina Weibo user @临临Lynn, elicited a flood of comments yesterday. The video (above) shows a bear slowly making its way across a barren, drained swimming pool littered with sheets of cracked and peeling paint.

According to Hexun, zoo officials explained that the paint is a waterproof fiberglass coating, and that significant temperature changes during the winter cause it to crack and peel from the concrete below. The zoo said it will take remedial measures, but netizens are still critical, saying the zoo shouldn’t wait until it hears complaints to fix such issues.

Other instances of mistreatment at zoos include hurling snowballs at lions, stoning crocodiles, and biting an ostrich to death.

In other news, this shocking story from last month: security guards at South China Normal University were spotted dragging a stray dog across campus and beating it to death.

When questioned, guards justified their brutality by saying they were acting on orders from school administrators. This misguided attempt to reduce the stray dog population was an apparent response to dog bitings, though it’s unclear how many attacks there were.

Reporters interviewed a dog rescue advocate in Guangzhou, who claims that “most stray dogs around the school were abandoned by students upon graduation,” and that the problem can be solved by “increasing oversight of dorms and forbidding students from keeping dogs.”

The advocate believes that any dog attacks were most likely the result of instigation. “[Strays] will instinctually protect themselves if attacked, and most strays that were originally raised by humans hope people will help them.”

Elliott blogs at Education News China and tweets @e2l2t.

The Yangcheng Evening News recently stumbled upon Guangzhou Zoo’s entrance exam and found a section of it aimed at evaluating applicants’ “mastery” of Marxist-Leninist thought.

This means the 15 zookeepers being recruited at the government-run zoo need to be proficient at preparing animal feed, inspecting manure as well as understanding the theories of labour value and human nature.

A zookeeper with a nursing degree, sure; gotta make sure they have compassion. A sociology degree, even better; humans at zoos can be as animalistic as the creatures they’re there to see. Marxist-Leninist? To repress the rising of the pigs? Keep em on their literal fours?

According to the article, the exam includes an interview and a written exam which tests applicants on “cultural and historical knowledge, parks and zoo-related knowledge and the philosophy and principles of Marxism”. It was commissioned by Guangzhou’s Municipal Bureau of Human Resources.

Who knows.

Zookeeper wanted: good animal skills; previous Marxist knowledge an advantage (SCMP, H/T Alicia)

Mental health issues are no laughing matter, and neither is biting a large flightless bird to death. What to call this then? At a zoo in Guangdong province on Saturday, a man bit and killed a live ostrich in front of elders and children, then laid on the dead bird and made gun motions with his finger at the police. The man, 27-year-old Li, was found with a suicide note in his pocket addressed to his mother and girlfriend. He slit his wrists but apparently not very deep, considering cops cuffed him and dragged him up by his arms.

The Nanfang notes, “Whether this was a genuine attempted suicide or a cry for help, I think we can all agree: the man needs help.” Yes. The bizarreries of the human race.

Guy attacks an ostrich as part of elaborate suicide attempt, ultimately fails (The Nanfang via Shenzhen TV)

This is sad, aggravating, and horrible all rolled into one. A zoo in Shenzhen has seen about a dozen of its crocodiles die — correction: killed — at the hands of visitors.

Reports The Nanfang:

Only two crocodiles are left alive of over a dozen that were placed in Rural Grand View Garden, a zoo in Shenzhen’s Guangming New Zone, Shenzhen Evening News reports. The cause of their death? Visitors throwing stones at them and polluting their habitat with garbage.

A journalist who visited the zoo this week reported that, as crocodiles hibernate during the winter, a lot of visitors have been shouting, spitting and throwing things at them to make sure they are alive.

Well… they were alive, you dipshits.

For whatever reason, news of animal abuse has been increasingly grabbing headlines recently — and we hope the reason isn’t because there’s simply been more incidents. (Indeed, as any zoo-goer here can tell you, misbehavior from patrons is the norm.) Maybe, just maybe, we’re in the midst of a conscious effort to highlight inhumane acts toward animals, and out of awareness we will see change, hopefully in the form of one stranger kindly reminding another, perhaps at a zoo, to respect fellow living things.

It’s probably wishful thinking on our part, but better than believing the alternative: that people are just dicks.

Visitors to Shenzhen zoo toss garbage, rocks, killing crocodiles (The Nanfang, h/t RFH)

Visitors to Hangzhou Zoo have reportedly developed a nasty habit of throwing snowballs at animals, who are none too pleased. Perhaps least amused of all are the lions, who, seriously, are way too high on the food chain to have to deal with this shit.

According to @wblbs on Sina Weibo, the zoo-goers throw hard, and the animals are annoyed enough to actively attempt to dodge the projectiles.

“Hard” may be somewhat of an embellishment though. Look at that kid in the above picture, who has the throwing form of a penguin, with half the grace. He would survive five minutes in the jungle, and faced with a lion, would crap his pants in 1.2 seconds, tops. I would pay to see that.

Don’t hurl snowballs at animals, assholes.

(H/T @MissXQ)

Xiao Liwu, i.e. “Little Gift,” was born on July 29 as “Sausage” (which is pretty adorable) before folks voted to change his name. Here he is getting a vet exam at his home in the San Diego Zoo. Follow him on his Panda Cam if you can stand it.

Are You Kidding Me With How Adorable This Baby Panda Is? Because It’s No Joke (Gawker) via Daily Picks and Flicks, which brings us this picture:

(H/T Alicia)