This video begins with the text: "After his video 'Donnie Does Marriage Market' went viral in China, Donald Mahoney was invited to Beijing to be a guest on the popular Chinese TV show: My Oscar."
That's quite the set-up. But Donnie struggles, privately, with a crisis of confidence -- before finding himself amidst firecracker smoke. At the 10-minute mark, he goes on stage. It gets awkward real fast.
Donnie has a music video. He worked on it for three months. It features pandas and handjobs, and if you didn't think of the Oriental Pearl Tower as phallic before, well:
Donnie dons a suitsey (suit + jersey) and makes his way ringside to watch Manny Pacquiao-Brandon Rios fight at the Venetian in Macao. No, he did not have ringside tickets.
Our favorite Masshole in China, Donnie, has done his best work yet, pretending to be Roger Federer on the streets of Shanghai. "Wo ai Zhongguo," he says, which is exactly what the real Rog would've said, probably.
Not to be missed is the girl who covers her mouth and nearly giggles herself into oblivion, thinking Roger Federer just told her (in Chinese!) that she's "very cute."
Unemployed Donald Mahoney, 28 or so, went to the Shanghai marriage market to get a spouse, which he needed "yesterday." You are sexually irresistable, he was told, but that -- along with his ability to do pushups -- was not enough to attract the attention of those with eligible daughters. A different ploy was needed...
Donnie, if you couldn't tell, is from Boston, and in the wake of this past week's events, he's got a few things to say about his hometown... while wearing a Larry Legend jersey... taking down LeBron James posters from Dunkin Donuts... showering with a duck. It's heartfelt.
DJ Spenny is kind of a big deal in Shanghai, a notorious expat, as it were. Even more so than Donnie? See for yourself.
Who are these girls? How did Donnie convince them to participate in this? How do we watch Shanghai play Beijing in women’s lacrosse? All questions one must ponder. The answer we’ve always know though: of course Donnie played lax for the Boston Cannons.
He's got a hoof!
Happy St. Paddy's Day afternoon, folks.
Quickly becoming one of our favorites, here's Donnie again with another episode of Donnie Does, this time from Happy Valley Amusement Park (we assume the one in Shanghai). "After that I said fuck it," he says at the end. Yeah, that's about right for a life philosophy, sometimes. Fuck it.
What does Gilbert Arenas, three-time NBA All-Star, do before CBA games in Shanghai?
Watch YouTube, of course. We know this thanks to Donald Mahoney of the video series Donnie Does.
"I watched you on YouTube before I got here," Arenas tells Donnie in the tunnel before a Sharks home game. "You're funny as shit."
"How you liking Shanghai?"
"Let's grab a beer sometime."