Top-of-the-Week Links: A response to all those “whiny” departing expats, Xiaomi’s second-generation handset, and some believe Zhou Kehua is still alive

Kobe Bryant in Wuhan
Via Ministry of Tofu: “In the southeastern city of Nanchang, the management of the city’s railway station has enclosed all outdoor stone benches with metal fencing to prevent travelers from sitting down on them, saying that travelers using the benches may harm the city’s image.” (Above picture via Free More News.) Air pollution was zero in... Read more » Read more »

An Attempted Suicide Story With A Shocking Twist [UPDATE]

Suicide attempt
UPDATE, 9:37 pm: Several colorful details added via Yangcheng Evening News. Last Tuesday morning, a woman threatened to jump off the 9th-story roof of a commercial building in Zhanjiang, Guangdong province, and certainly would have if not for the intervention of family and rescue workers — eight of them by my count, including her daughter, as shown in... Read more » Read more »

And Now Here Is A Beauty Pageant For Cows

Cow pageant
Update, 8/27, 12:13 pm: Found some raw footage of the pageant, embedded after the jump. Yu Wenxia may have won the Miss World crown on Saturday, but could she hold a pail to any of these cows? I’ll let Want China Times explain this one: “The first ever beauty pageant for cows is being held... Read more » Read more »

Kobe Bryant Did A Few Ridiculous Things In China Over The Weekend

Via The Basketball Jones First, the picture, taken on Thursday in Wuhan as part of Kobe Bryant’s annual Nike tour: it is ridiculous. Reports the LA Times: This is the seventh summer in a row that Bryant has visited China, including the 2008 Beijing Olympics. On this trip, according to published accounts, Bryant has hosted training clinics... Read more » Read more »

People Have Officially Lost Their Minds Over A Bunch Of Rocks

Diaoyu protests
Save the lecture about historical context. We’re talking about rocks. Uninhabited rocks. If indeed there’s black gold inside the set of rocks known as the Diaoyu Islands, governments should mine ‘em together and split the profit, as was proposed once upon a time ago. But nooo, that would be too elementary a solution. We have... Read more » Read more »

To No One’s Surprise, Gu Kailai Given Suspended Death Sentence

Gu Kailai and Neil Heywood during happier, alive times
In the most non-suspenseful verdict ever, a court in Hefei, Anhui province (read: the Party) has officially sentenced Gu Kailai to “death with a two-year reprieve” for murdering Neil Heywood, as expected. What this means is that Gu will not be put to death, assuming she doesn’t commit another crime in the next two years.... Read more » Read more »

Realtors In Beijing Stage Massive, Possibly Turf-Related Brawl

Realtors In Beijing Stage Massive, Possibly Turf-Related Brawl featured image
We don't know what caused employees of two realtor companies in Beijing to stage this public brawl, with white-shirted men on one side and light-blue-shirted men on the other (except the white-shirted one attacking his own, which just confuses everything), but we do think all participants of group fights should wear different colored outfits, or uniforms. Just a modest proposal for anyone else out there planning a get-together at fight o'clock. Read more »