BTV’s ‘Traffic Light’ Set To Music – A Beijing Cream Presentation, The Start Of A Horrific Thing

Traffic Light - start of a beautiful, horrific thing
Traffic Light (红绿灯) is a show on Beijing Television (BTV) that airs an ostensibly instructional segment called "Accidents That Should Never Happen." Everything about it is ridiculous. The only way to make it more ridiculous is to watch it in slow motion, set to music. This is the first video in a weekly series.

Introducing: That Asshole Drake Moreau

Drake Moreau
Consider this your introduction to a weekly series in which our resident asshole, Drake Moreau, wades into Beijing’s seedy districts (because he’s an asshole) and writes about them like the asshole he is. Just to give you an example of the type of twat we’re dealing with, here’s the g-chat conversation in which I asked... Read more »

Today In Shitty Journalism: MSNBC Sources Foreign Correspondents Club Of China Email To Break News That Happened Last Week

The article in question was actually published yesterday, so please don’t be misled by the use of “today” in the title. It’s just an expression. Some reporters got “assaulted” in Panhe, Guangdong, and though we don’t know the extent of anyone’s injuries (just a minor detail, right guys?), MSNBC’s “Behind the Wall” China blog decided... Read more »

You Can Almost See This Girl’s Nipple

Susi
Do you like Westlife? Do you really? Would you travel from Hawaii to Beijing to see Westlife? Is that how much you like Westlife? Are you so much into the whole liking of Westlife that you have a friend who would send an email to an expat magazine’s editor asking for help in arranging a... Read more »

These CBA All-Stars Did Irrevocable Damage To The Game Of Basketball Last Night

These CBA All-Stars Did Irrevocable Damage To The Game Of Basketball Last Night
The CBA All-Star game was last night in Guangzhou, with the very first minute portending an evening of heroic fails. The southern all-stars sprinted out to miss their first three shots, all three-pointers. Their first two buckets were scored by former Dallas Maverick Wang Zhizhi, whom a less discerning fan could be excused for thinking was dead. Still, the North still found itself down 11 near the end of the first quarter, ball in Stephon Marbury's hands, when the above happened.

Top-of-the-Week Links: Who will win the Linsanity trademark? There is no pun here. Really

Chinese woman with dildo
Via ChinaSmack The day after an “Emmy Award-winning TV news correspondent” compared Jeremy Lin to Jackie Robinson in China Daily and wrote, “Lin is a devout Christian. But I think his success has more to do with Confucian rather than Christian values,” and, “But until his team eventually loses a game and the champagne corks stop popping”... Read more »

Shanghai Calling: We Watched The Trailer So You Don’t Have To

Shanghai Calling 1a
Shanghai Calling is a movie about a confident, ambitious, career-minded Chinese American named Sam who gets called into his New York law firm’s office one day and told he’s in for some “big news.” As he prepares to humbly accept what he believes is a promotion, he’s told, “We’re sending you to China!” Uh-oh. China... Read more »

A Chinese Stop Animation Video In Which A Condom Catches A Cannonball

Among the other things that happen: the real-life character battling the chalkboard figure becomes impregnated by said cannonball after it slingshots out of said condom. Then his fist turns into a rocket that flies into an electrical socket — he is electrocuted but doesn’t die. The chalkboard figure performs a Mortal Kombat-like finishing move that... Read more »