Data: Chinese Men Have A Lot Of Sex That Doesn’t Last Very Long

Spreadsheets - Data in bed
Data from Spreadsheets, a mobile app that tracks sex stats such as number of thrusts, average duration and volume level (gamifying performance in bed, if you will), has revealed that while Americans unsurprisingly have the most sex, Australian men last the longest, coming at 4 minutes, 3 seconds. What about China, you ask?

Please Be Kind To People’s Daily, Who Is An Autistic Child

People's Daily is autistic
People's Daily deserves not our scorn but our patience and understanding. I make the comparison with autism with absolutely no intention of being insulting to autistic people or their family and friends, and please accept my apologies if this still sounds offensive. But maybe the proper response to People's Daily -- which has underdeveloped communication skills (despite being the official mouthpiece of the government), difficulty grasping abstract concepts, and fantasies that are simply untenable in the real world -- should be with tolerance, composure, and encouragement?

Chinese Provinces Elegantly Rendered In Colorful Splash Ink

Watercolor provinces - Anhui
Here's a map unlike any you've likely seen. A Chinese artist, using water and ink, has reimagined Chinese provinces as dually simple and abstruse classical paintings. As posted on the website Portal (Chuansongmen), these are hand-drawn outlines of provinces and special administrative regions that are then filled in with splashes of watercolor. We don't quite know what to make of it -- neither does Beyond Chinatown, which has translated the province names. Maybe that's for the better: let these depictions defy easy classification.

No Internet Freedom Without Internet Order, Says Obviously Batshit People’s Daily

People's Daily wearing jester's cap
People's Daily has had an eventful week. Last Monday it called the New York Times "circling vultures" for an article on Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370; on Friday it sought "immediate rectification" from a parody Twitter account, @relevantorgans; then, somehow, it got a guest editorial out of Bill Gates. But PD truly tops itself with this next thing, because these are words that someone actually wrote. Via Reuters:

Good Laowai In Tianjin Lend A Dozen Helping Hands

Ultimate Frisbee players help move van
Sometimes, when life throws you an obstacle, simply call on a dozen people to move said obstacle out of the way. In Tianjin on Sunday morning, a van parked in front of a building blocked a coach bus from leaving the enclosed lot via the only road out. That bus happened to be carrying more than two dozen Beijing Ultimate Frisbee players who were in town for a tournament. They had an idea.

These Are Probably The Most Frightening Panda Pictures Ever

Creepy panda by Ami Vitale featured image
The Guardian recently published a series of photos by Ami Vitale, who was given exclusive access to the Wolong National Nature Reserve in Chengdu to photograph the giant panda, a creature that you and I and the general public knows as comely and cute. Vitale, however, reveals a darker, sinister side, a world of paraphilia, cages, and kinkplay in which China's national symbol is transformed into an object of flesh that -- willingly or unwillingly -- engages in deviant sex and/or some sort of atavistic fetishism. Prepare to never look at pandas the same way -- or the bipeds who love them.

Scenes From The Beijing Auto Show

Beijing Auto Show featured image
Our friend Amy Sands sends along these pictures from the 13th Beijing International Automobile Exhibition, China's largest auto show. "Like being on the set of a James Bond movie," she says. "Couldn't decide if I found it disgusting or awesome." Bumblebee's having a good time, at least.

People’s Daily Seeks “Immediate Rectification” From Parody Account @RelevantOrgans

People's Daily vs Relevant Organs
People's Daily, the gift that keeps on giving, did a most glorious thing at 1:39 am today by "publicly condemn[ing]" a parody Twitter account, The Relevant Organs. "We have noticed that a Twitter account has been misleading people by stealing People's Daily 's web address and National emblem of China to make false impression that the account is related to China officials or People's Daily," reads PD's tweeted statement.

Something Fun: Beijing Subway Stations Translated Literally

Beijing subway stations translated literally featured image
The Wall Street Journal's China blog made the cool map above, which shows Beijing's subway stations translated literally into English. They enlisted that indispensable tool, Baidu translate, to help with the task. Sadly, it's like a quarter-complete, but whatever, we all know WSJ employees aren't paid to do fun things.

Foshan Carjacker Shot Dead By Police After Craziness At Checkpoint [VIDEO]

Foshan Carjacker Killed by Police featured image
Around 3 am on Monday, April 21, a suspected carjacker in Foshan, Guangdong province was tailed by police into a toll booth / checkpoint, where he was surrounded and ordered to get out of the car. The suspect, surnamed Tan, did no such thing. He did the opposite of getting out, which is stepping on the accelerator, even if it meant ramming his car backwards into police vehicles and officers alike.

People’s Daily Lashes Out At “Circling Vultures” Of New York Times For MH370 Article

People's Daily lashes out at NY Times featured image
On April 14, New York Times reporters Kirk Semple and Eric Schmitt published an article titled “China’s Actions in Hunt for Jet Are Seen as Hurting as Much as Helping" that quoted two government officials -- one from the US and one from Malaysia, both unnamed -- who said China has not, to put it nicely, contributed much to the search for Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370. It was a disturbing piece, not least because it seemed to signal the search may have entered a new phase in which the frustrations and difficulties of finding the missing jet could spill into finger-pointing and politics.