Ever the Quiet Burier of Ledes, Global Times published a news item Monday that surely qualifies for Hideous China Story of the Year (Relationships Edition)... although GT went for the more casual "Mom jailed for covert contraceptive." It's a Turducken of a tale...
Last year was the 25th anniversary of the “June 4 Incident,” as it is officially known. State security went full bore over the ultra-sensitive date, harassing journalists and activists, detaining anyone who sneezed on the subject.
Do you know what is considered pornographic? Can you differentiate between sexual and sexually explicit? Do you have experience looking at a lot of porn? Because there might be a 200,000 RMB job for you.
When John Ross,“former director of London’s Economic and Business Policy to ex-Mayor Ken Livingstone and current Senior Fellow with the Chongyang Institute” at Renmin University, was approached by Chinese tabloid Global Times (GT) for a profile about foreign China Watchers, he was, no doubt, expecting a nice soap-job.
Chinese premier Li Keqiang just finished a four-country African tour on Sunday, so leave it to Global Times to summarize the trip in an unreadable "op-ed" featuring economic stats and sentences such as, "Such a robust momentum of development calls for higher standards in a myriad of cooperation projects." At least the illustration -- by Liu Rui -- was, um, eye-catching. GT even tweeted it.
Global Times is back with another reader contest, "What are your misconceptions?" Those who answer that question as it relates to China -- with either short essay (150-250 words), photo, video, etc. ("the possibilities are endless!" Endless?) -- can win a stay at the Grand Millennium Beijing. So, Global Times, mind if we get an example?
China is officially (politically, that is) an enthusiastic supporter of the Sochi Games, which is why Chinese athletes walked out at the opening ceremony waving both Chinese and Russian flags. To no one's surprise, then, the pro-government media here is peeved by all the negative coverage in "Western media." Speaking for them all, Global Times has just published an editorial headlined, "Booing Sochi only shows West's bigotry."
The Global Times recently published an editorial titled, "What if Chinese police beat a jaywalker?" covering the recent case of a Chinese man allegedly beaten by police for resisting arrest after jaywalking in New York.
Global Times found a "scholar living in Japan" to write about Japan's misplaced "Olympics fever" this week, presumably because Global Times writing that editorial itself would have been a bit too ironic, a bit too laughable for even Global Times. Quick excerpt from Jiao Kun's piece, published yesterday:
This week, the latest invaluable pensée from Global Times is “If you are the foreign one.” It’s about foreigners on the TV dating show Fei Cheng Wu Rao. “They are too frank and say things inappropriate for match-making talk, which makes them seem alien,” is one choice quote from a Chinese DJ in Beijing. Perhaps this is the reason why “the worship of foreigners has ebbed,” according the manager of a lubricant oil company in Qingdao (your go-to source for stories about frustrated love).
Global Times is running a neat feature on its Facebook page (yes, Global Times has a Facebook page) in which it posts sample questions from China's National College Entrance Exam, i.e. gaokao. Its headline asks:
So you think you’re smarter than a Chinese high school student?
Oh hell no, no one thinks they're smarter than Chinese high school students. We're all reeling from years of alcohol abuse and our heads are no longer filled with facts.
But even if we were smarter, would we be able to answer labyrinthine questions such as...
We thank and curse Kotaku for alerting us to the game "Defence of the Diaoyu Islands," hosted on Chinese Global Times's website, wherein a player takes control of a Chinese warship that must kill as many Japanese enemies as possible before inevitable failure.
It's interesting, but what a time suck.
Global Times chose June 4 to publish two editorials about how the Internet and media need to be brutally censored. One editorial is by Shan Renping -- the party’s stupidest editorial lapdog -- and the other is from the rat-infested oozing pile of vomit and bile shat through the vagina of a dead yet zombified tapeworm screaming at the top of its intestines, Hu Xijin.
Let’s start with Hu: “Web regulation in public's best interest”
“Is it a sin to work for Global Times?” asks the headline to a recent SCMP blog by Amy Li that launches into an account of a recent, unpleasant and viral Weibo exchange between a reporter from the English version of GT, Zhang Zhilong, and a scribe for a more liberal paper, China Business News, Wang Wai. Zhang had contacted Wang under the unspoken “we’re all journalists together” pact in hopes of getting more police information about a taxi accident involving his parents and doing a story about it.
Chinese media gets fooled by things occasionally. Usually it’s satire that gets them, but recently, the Chinese edition of Global Times discovered it could embarrass itself in totally new and interesting ways.
By mistaking DeviantArt for the real thing.