In Global Times’s Poll, “Child Bikini Modeling Is ‘Beneficial’” Is In The Early Lead

Global Times poll
We’re not sure how long this poll is going to be up on Global Times’s English website’s main page — it’s not on the Chinese site – but go vote while you can. I actually am curious to see the final results. Only question: What is “Other”? Maybe something like, “Classless, but in a societal vacuum,... Read more »

Want To Be The Next Big Laowai In China? Global Times Is Here To Help [UPDATE]

Global Times next big laowai featured image
Want to be like the fellas above? The Global Times has launched a "Tongue Twister Contest for Foreigners," co-organized by Commercial Press and Chinese Universe. Those of foreign nationality are asked to submit videos of yourself saying Chinese tongue-twisters, which will then be judged from December 1 to 20. The top 20 will be selected for a "final vote," where "language experts" weigh in. The deadline to submit is November 30.

NetEase Compares Global Times Chief Editor Hu Xijin To Grass That Rolls With The Prevailing Political Winds

NetEase calls out Hu Xijin of the Global Times
We love ourselves a good zinger. Via China Digital Times’s “NetEase News Calls Out Global Times,” we’re introduced to the image of the fleabane, which CDT explains is “known as qiangtoucao (墙头草) or ‘wall-top grass’ in Chinese. Qiangtoucao also means ‘fence-sitter,’ someone who bends to the prevailing political or social winds to stay rooted.” Who could that possibly be applied... Read more »

Counterpoint To Today’s TAR Nation Column: Hu Xijin Is Not A Gelded Fuckwit, Pitiless Twat, Mop-headed Vagina Face, Or Painful Mole That Might Be Cancer

Global Times
As plain as rain, our columnist TAR Nation kind of dislikes Hu Xijin, the editor-in-chief of Global Times. But let us sing the human qualities of Hu Xijin, for one minute. Let us acknowledge Hu Xijin’s errors, while also acknowledging that to err is to be a child of God, which he is, and commensurately... Read more »

Global Times Olympics Journalist Tests Positive For Plagiarism [UPDATE]

Zhao Ran
By Beijing Cream Let’s talk about journalism and the Olympics. No, not the complete indifference given to China’s 96 Paralympics gold medals, but a more familiar problem: plagiarism. A former senior journalist at the Global Times is probably still wondering what the hell hit her, after being caught lifting material and inventing quotes – including a... Read more »

Is This Young Lady Really That Offensive?

Model for Euro
Jemimah Steinfeld, writing in Global Times, seems to think so. Let’s jump straight to her conclusion: “The Netherlands were quickly knocked out of Euro 2012. They weren’t the only losers. So long as women continue to strip to catch the attention of football players, we all are.” What about people who enjoy masturbating to pictures of... Read more »

Man Who First Intervened In That Infamous Video Speaks On Record, And Other Information [UPDATE]

Foreigner beat up
Global Times has followed up on the Xuanwumen incident from Tuesday evening and tracked down several witnesses, many of whom said police instructed them to not speak to media. GT was able to get one key witness on the record though: The first Chinese man in the film seen intervening is a 24-year-old man, surnamed Wu, a... Read more »

To Serve People: In Defense Of The French, At Least Hu Xijin Isn’t French

Just call him TAR
There are many things I love about China. But the thing I really, really hate is that they occasionally make me stand up for things I can’t stand. Like the French. Normally, I would just make fun of the French and their chocolate-bread-eating ways, but in the face of such madness from the Global Times, just call me TAR de’Gaulle.

To Serve People: A Global Times Special!

To Serve People GT01
Progress making dissidents more obsolete Global Times | April 9, 2012 00:13 The Man: For those of you who haven’t heard, Fang Lizhi, a crusader for human rights in China and a brilliant physicist and teacher, died last week. I can’t pretend to have been a follower due largely to my relative youth, but, frankly, I have a soft spot for nerds, physicists especially.

China’s Official Press Agency Loves Those Sexy Teen Models

Xinhua, believe it or not
Let’s play a guessing game. What kind of website would host a series of pictures such as the above? Cracked.com? (Too classy, probably.) Bro Bible? Frat House Sports? Slingshot? Surely one of those sites with features like “The 50 Bustiest Girls on Facebook” and pop-up video ads. One of those sites in which a new... Read more »

Global Times Has Topped Itself With Latest Headline: “Baidu is not a condom, rules court”

Baidu condom
The story in its entirety: A Shenzhen-based condom company must stop branding its products with “Baidu,” Beijing No.1 Intermediate People’s Court ruled yesterday, in favor of the condom’s namesake search engine company. The court found the condom manufacturer, Yelaixiang, violated Baidu’s right to the name because it deliberately used the well-known brand to attract attention,... Read more »

To Serve People: BJC’s New Weekly Column In Which Chinese Media Is Taken To The Stocks

To Serve People
The Top 4 Bullshit Editorials This Week | March 24-31 4. Heritage threatened as tomb-sweeping goes online Global Times | March 29 Tomb Sweeping Day is a yadayada bollockybollock from the reign of emperor Bull Wangle during the Hu Cares Dynasty in the Flerteenth Century. Apparently, people are doing whatever it is that people do on Tomb Sweeping Day online nowadays -- which, from the cartoon in Global Times, we can assume is getting high and watching Karate Kid through Wolverine claws: