Click to enlarge. After the jump, links to places where you can read these actual stories. ...

Jemimah Steinfeld, writing in Global Times, seems to think so. Let's jump straight to her conclusion: "The Netherlands were quickly knocked out of Euro 2012. They weren't the only losers. So long as women continue to strip to catch the attention of football players, we all are." What about people who enjoy masturbating to pictures of scantily clad women? Are they also losers? ...

Everyone enjoys an old-fashioned physical endurance challenge for the sake of a material prize... right? Not like this though, BMW. Not like this. There are two parts about this story, from Chengdu Business Daily via Global Times, that get me: Song Changjiang, 27, finally won the right to use a BMW car valued at 278,000 yuan ($43,618) for five years, by touching it for 87 hours at a real estate promotion ac ...

Here is the "editor's note" that precedes Yang Rui's first public defense of himself on English-language media: Yang Rui is the Managing Editor and Host of Dialogue on CCTV News, which endeavors to present news about China and the world from a Chinese perspective and in a balanced way. He is responding to an article posted May 18th on the website of Wall Street Journal, which was published without his knowl ...

Global Times has followed up on the Xuanwumen incident from Tuesday evening and tracked down several witnesses, many of whom said police instructed them to not speak to media. GT was able to get one key witness on the record though: The first Chinese man in the film seen intervening is a 24-year-old man, surnamed Wu, a security guard in the nearby China Co-op Group Building. "After I grabbed his neck and sa ...

[caption id="attachment_2499" align="alignnone" width="311" caption=""The Artist's Fate," by Peter Smeeth (tinyurl.com/7o56p8r)"][/caption] Journos out there, know this: it's the Global Times's world, we just live in it. Here's the lead (lede) from a Sunday article by Sima Pingbang: Poker players all know that in most trick-taking games, the face cards are normally the best. However, the "2", ...

I thought I would do a Chen-free column this week, but the Global Times didn’t let me. On a political level, this is what happened last week at the American embassy: ...

Actually, the editorial is already here. And it's written by Shan Renping. We're fucked. ...

There are many things I love about China. But the thing I really, really hate is that they occasionally make me stand up for things I can’t stand. Like the French. Normally, I would just make fun of the French and their chocolate-bread-eating ways, but in the face of such madness from the Global Times, just call me TAR de’Gaulle. ...

[Global Times] (H/T RFH) ...

Progress making dissidents more obsolete Global Times | April 9, 2012 00:13 The Man: For those of you who haven’t heard, Fang Lizhi, a crusader for human rights in China and a brilliant physicist and teacher, died last week. I can’t pretend to have been a follower due largely to my relative youth, but, frankly, I have a soft spot for nerds, physicists especially. ...

Let's play a guessing game. What kind of website would host a series of pictures such as the above? Cracked.com? (Too classy, probably.) Bro Bible? Frat House Sports? Slingshot? Surely one of those sites with features like "The 50 Bustiest Girls on Facebook" and pop-up video ads. One of those sites in which a new tab opens with every click, leading you on a Möbius strip where dozens of pretty faces beg for ...

The story in its entirety: A Shenzhen-based condom company must stop branding its products with "Baidu," Beijing No.1 Intermediate People's Court ruled yesterday, in favor of the condom's namesake search engine company. The court found the condom manufacturer, Yelaixiang, violated Baidu's right to the name because it deliberately used the well-known brand to attract attention, the Legal Mirror reported. Yel ...

The Top 4 Bullshit Editorials This Week | March 24-31 4. Heritage threatened as tomb-sweeping goes online Global Times | March 29 Tomb Sweeping Day is a yadayada bollockybollock from the reign of emperor Bull Wangle during the Hu Cares Dynasty in the Flerteenth Century. Apparently, people are doing whatever it is that people do on Tomb Sweeping Day online nowadays -- which, from the cartoon in Global Times, ...

[caption id="attachment_1654" align="alignnone" width="432" caption="Bo Guagua, via China Digital Times (link below on his name)"][/caption] I first learned of Sunday’s Ferrari crash in Beijing two nights ago and didn’t think much of it until The Atlantic’s James Fallows wrote about the incident earlier today. My only question had been: Who drives fast enough on a completely deserted ring road at 4 am and c ...

By Eric Fish Last week I noticed Global Times began a new Twitter trackback feature. It displayed what tweeters were saying about articles right under the article itself. One of the first pieces this was used on was called “The truth about Tibet is slowly coming to light." The article itself had a number of classic Global Times quotes, like: “In March that year [1959], millions of serfs were liberated from ...

Wall Street Journal's recent blog post about Mao Xinyu, the grandson of Mao Zedong, coupled with the above Caixin picture of Mao from a CPPCC session has given us ample opportunity to revisit an article in Global Times a year and a half ago upon Mao's promotion to the rank of major general. Wrote a sly copyeditor who deserves major kudos (H/T to RFH): ...

"Highlights" from the 2012 Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference are after the jump. I just want you to know I nearly lost an eyeball to my own prying fingers while compiling this. Unless otherwise noted, links (plus above picture) are via Global Times. ...

[caption id="attachment_1346" align="alignnone" width="477" caption="Well shit, if it ain't Mr. and Mrs. Big Swingin' Dick."][/caption] The phrase "5,000 years," which we've borrowed by way of parody to indicate "culture" on this website, is a ubiquitous catch-all response to anyone who disputes this country's eminence, quality, or worth. It is used to indicate China's uninterrupted history -- 5,000 ...

Perchance, might I ask, how does he lead? By being dead? By making everyone feel inferior at the feet of his boundless magnanimity? With puppy-like, blind devotion? By making evangelists of us all and self-subjugating to a symbol and a spirit, when in fact that symbol and spirit is a myth written by people as real, flawed, proud, sinful and duplicitous as the rest of the human lot? I think it's safe to say ...