The Economist has a bizarre regional cover this week. Never mind that it’s tasteless and will surely be interpreted as homophobic by many of its critics. NEVER MIND THAT. Let me isolate the cover-line jokes for you, see if you find them funny:
He Stole His Heart
(And Then His Intellectual Property)
Hmm.
Unless you did. In which case, sorry. I'm sure there's a Western equivalent that's as traumatic and possibly intellectually growth-stunting as the Chinese college entrance exam process. Binge drinking? Drugs? I don't know what the equivalent is.
Gaokao, of course, commences today, as does national mourning for the country's youth. To a childhood dying young -- eyes the shady test has shut.
A 32-year-old American teacher surnamed McMahon was detained on May 13 under suspicion of sexual assault, reports Xinhua. He worked at Lycee Francais de Shanghai (LFS), an elite French private school.
Reports AFP:
The Shanghai kindergarten teacher was seized by police last month after seven families filed formal accusations against him, alleging sexual abuse and rape of students of both sexes, several parents said.
Ken Tanaka, one of the directors of the funny skit "What Kind of Asian Are You?," which we featured here last week, has sent us a follow-up that features actors Stella Choe and Scott Beehner reading YouTube comments. If you think you already know how this is going to go, you're more or less correct.
China Daily has published one heck of a lede sure to make journalists cover their mouths and titter. Go read this five times:
Beijing, Shanghai and the eastern province of Jiangsu were found to be the three happiest places in China in 2012, chinanews.com reported, citing research.
You may have already heard, but after several false starts -- years of teasing -- Metallica is finally, actually coming to China. As the band announced yesterday on its website:
It is so rare for us to be able to say that we are visiting a country for the very first time, so this is an extra special announcement for us. After over 31 years of traveling to almost all corners of the world for so many amazing, wild and thrilling adventures, we will finally be heading to China!! We’ll be hitting the stage in Shanghai at the Mercedes-Benz Arena on August 13.
This is nice. In China -- undisclosed city, undisclosed time -- a driver saw an elderly woman walking slowly on the side of the street, and a water truck coming toward her from the other side. The sprayage would almost assuredly have soaked her, so the driver sped up, then parked the car between the oncoming truck and the woman. It's the road equivalent of laying a raincoat over a puddle so that a woman in heels can cross the road.
We thank and curse Kotaku for alerting us to the game "Defence of the Diaoyu Islands," hosted on Chinese Global Times's website, wherein a player takes control of a Chinese warship that must kill as many Japanese enemies as possible before inevitable failure.
It's interesting, but what a time suck.
There are two kinds of masturbators: those who lie about doing it, and those who don't. Check out which is which in the above video, brought to us by Ministry of Tofu.
A little spoiler alert: more women admit to it than men. Hmm.
Context?
