Anelka And Shanghai Shenhua FC Are In Beijing Tonight, And This Is Why You Should Root Against Them

Anelka and wife
So... the French. Their language sounds like a bit of old pudding being forced through a keyhole. Their attitude and manners are somewhere between a toaster and mildly mentally-deficient groundhog. And their only useful purpose, as far as I can see, is keeping the Germans away from the Spaniards, who seem really quite nice. The French are rubbish. Read more »

‘You Just Made A French Concession!’ And Other Heckles For Anelka At Tonight’s Beijing Guoan Home Opener

Charles Platiau / Reuters
Before you go racing to Workers Stadium though, you should know Anelka — the former Chelsea and French national team star — may not play tonight due to injury (game-time decision). Also, you may not want to chant “French Concession,” considering the last guy who used that phrase publicly got fined 47,500 yuan. And really,... Read more » Read more »

This Is Either The Worst Or Best Pole Dance Ever [UPDATE]

Best or worst pole dance ever
UPDATE: The above video was appended on 3/18. It features Ayo Technology and Don’t Cha. The Chinese Pole Dancing Championship is about to start (apparently), and the woman in the video after the jump (it’s there because it auto-plays) is sixty-something [correction: born in the 1960s] Shi Xiaohong (according to title). All we know for... Read more » Read more »

Would Drunken Drake Let Himself Be Taken Advantage Of At A Massage Parlor? Nah, Not Him

Drake Moreau
We all have our routines when we're drunk or tired. My friend Drew recently introduced me to the idea of visiting spas. It’s a terrible idea. It can’t be good for the body, especially one as horribly abused as mine, to endure further dehydration in a steam room after 10-plus-hours of drinking. But there we were one night, half-naked in a wooden room, flambéing as steam filled the metal box around us. Read more »

Bo Xilai, Be Well, And Godspeed

Bo Xilai
Earlier today, Bo Xilai was ousted from his post as party secretary of Chongqing, a stunning — if not altogether unexpected — end to an unusually public saga that began when Wang Lijun showed up at the US embassy in Chengdu on February 6 with dirt on his former boss. At 11:43 am, a film... Read more » Read more »

How Do I Hate Shanghai? Let Me Count The Ways

A real picture of Beijing
Earlier this week the Economist Intelligence Unit released “Hot Spots,” a report commissioned by Citigroup that “ranks the competitiveness of 120 of the world’s major cities.” There aren’t many surprises: US and European cities remain the most competitive overall; Asian cities do well economically; New York and London are ranked 1-2. We in Beijing really... Read more » Read more »

This Could Be The Dirtiest Soccer Foul Of The Year, And It Happened In A U12 Game In Hong Kong

Via BadCanto, i.e. Dictionary of Politically Incorrect Hong Kong Chinese; Youku video for those in China after the jump The team in white is Kitchee, and they’re good. They beat the team in purple, ESF, 16-0 earlier in the year, according to the Youtube video above. But apparently ESF lied about the score, saying they... Read more » Read more »

Tonight’s Basketball Game In Beijing Has Been Postponed ‘In Order To Ensure League Safety’

Shanxi fan Cao Mou
Via NetEase Jon Pastuszek of the excellent NiuBball was, I’m sure, waiting as anxiously as I for tonight’s fifth and final game between Shanxi and Beijing. Unfortunately, we’ll all have to wait a little longer. Per Pastuszek’s translation of an official CBA release: In order to ensure league safety, Game 5 of the 2011-2012 CBA semi-finals between Beijing... Read more » Read more »

Now That It’s Arrived In China… What Is Kony?

Kony meme
Tudou video after the jump. By Lola B I sit in my room only wanting to stalk my friends on Facebook, and Kony is the first to greet me at log-in. I leave my door, and Kony hails me from his plastered paper post on the elementary school chain-link fence. Kony is currently the American equivalent... Read more » Read more »

A Short Video In Which Marbury Refers To Shanxi Fans In Classic Understatement

A Short Video In Which Marbury Refers To Shanxi Fans In Classic Understatement featured image
The above is taken from a BTV preview of tomorrow's deciding Game 5 in Beijing. Sunday's incident in Shanxi is only alluded to because everyone is already pretending it wasn't a big deal. Asked about what Beijing's fans will be like, Stephon Marbury proceeds to bumble through 12 seconds of an answer before finally giving in to the temptation to diss Shanxi's fans, albeit gently. One sort of wishes he would've just come out and said they were pieces of shit, because they sure seemed like it. Read more »