What happens when you’re a socialist Chinese blowhard and you get your ass handed to you by a girl after challenging her to fisticuffs in a Beijing park?
You tell everyone you won, of course.
In one of those weird "This is China" moments, while the rest of Beijing came to a grinding halt over some light rain at 1 pm on Friday, a whole bunch of Web users and bloggers – all of whom were carrying at least four or five umbrellas apiece – convened at the south gate of Chaoyang Park for a Grumble in Das Jungle.
First:
SPACE!
[Ed's note: TAR originally sent that in 100-point Rockwell Extra Bold font, which, sadly, we cannot replicate in this space, nor can we make it flash. Consider fuchsia a compromise.]
Space is awesome. Everything that happens in space is cooler than Earth. When I was in high school, I met an astronaut. I asked him, “How do you poop?” and I was genuinely interested in the answer. That does not apply to ANY other job.
UPDATE: Wang Xiangwei has responded in an interview with AFP. See below. Veteran reporter (not black comedian) Paul Mooney, whose contract with South China Morning Post was not renewed last month, delivered quite the parting shot at his former employer in the Hong Kong e-magazine iSun Affairs, and he names names. Mooney, a multiple-award-winning journalist, aimed his... Read more »
So, the Chinese government has taken all the good stuff off the Internet, from porn to videos of monkeys sniffing their own butts. Radio, television and film are all under the thumb of the oppressively stupid and black-marker-happy SARFT. And let’s not even get started on the sorrowfully sodomized social media.
First, KATO!
No, not that Kato. Yoshikazu Kato.
He’s a Japanese writer who has written for the Financial Times, Oriental Outlook and… and… The Global Times?!
You don't know Yoshikazu? He’s the filthy Jap Devil who wants to steal/buy islands from the motherland.
We’ll have to wait until July before the results of the gaokao – national university entrance exams – are announced. When they are, state media’s response will be as predictable and reflexive as British media et alia sticking an attractive blonde celebrating her A-levels on the front page (and pages 2,3,5,8 and 9). The top scorers... Read more »
Louis CK played a show in Beijing last night; he spoke for just over an hour. Here’s what we can’t talk about – the organizers. Even though they were in season and up on stage last night, handing out the shout-outs like skittles, after midnight, they became as shy as hedgehogs and asked us not to even mention their names.
So, thanks [redacted], [redacted] and [redacted] and special thanks to Louis’s official Chinese sponsors, a new, Beijing-based, live, streaming porno site offering all users free credits per orgasm that can then be exchanged for Jack Daniel’s, Cheerios and Ray Bans; their site is found at [redacted].
A lot of things happened this week, from the Tiananmen anniversary to the death of dissidents to Tibetans setting themselves on fire. Predictably, the Chinese papers stayed away from these subjects entirely. What did they focus on instead? The Shanghai Cooperation Organization.
Featuring: China, Russia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan and Uzbekistan.
It's hard to miss the recent proliferation of graffiti in Beijing's public spaces. The underpasses, bridges, and neighborhood walls have been hit hard by the pandemic, and I'm not just talking about scrawled telephone numbers and advertisements (though you'll see your fair share of those). It seems the increased public vandalism, which stretches from deep inside Second Ring Road and extends to the outskirts of the city, is yet another sign of Beijing's burgeoning metropolitanism.
