Here, For Some Reason, Is A Chinese Rap Video About Cleveland [UPDATE]

Cleveland rap video
Here's a laowai who loves his hometown of Cleveland so much that he raps about its charms to a Chinese audience. Cleveland, the city whose football team has had more staph infection lawsuits than playoff appearances since 1999, the city with a sulphuric I-71 cutting through it, the city consistently ranked one of the worst in the US, the city...

Finally, Someone Made It Happen: “The Panda,” A Parody Of Ylvis’s “The Fox”

The Panda - parody of Ylvis The Fox
Ylvis's hit "The Fox" (What Does the Fox Say?) was the surprise viral song of the late summer. We can't believe it's taken all of nearly two months, but here, finally, is a parody of that video set in China, featuring that other wonderfully mysterious creature of the woods, by which we mean -- of course -- the giant panda.

Goddamnit, Squat Toilet

Baby stuck in squat toilet
Everyone has their China cliche of choice that, despite annoying family, friends, and everyone, they return to again and again because life is hard and we need vents to lessen the psychological pressures of being alive. For most expats, it's pollution, i.e. complaining about it. For me, it's the squat toilet, i.e. hating the very concept with every poor muscle and fiber of my inevitably-sore-after-using lower body.

Boris Johnson Rides Beijing Subway, Ogles Tea Lady

Boris Johnson on Beijing subway
Oh Boris. He of this hilarious Sina Weibo account is in Beijing this week for trade talks, and isn't it just so like him to bring an entourage of reporters onto already-congested Subway Line 1 to do... what is the point of this video, exactly? Just skip ahead to the final three seconds of it, beginning at 0:50. Trust me, just do that, and you'll be fine.

Alison Gold’s “Chinese Food” Music Video: What The Hell?

Alison Gold Chinese Food video featured image
The wonderfully idiotic adults behind Rebecca Black's "Friday" have done it again, kidnapping what appears to be a sweet teenage girl and forcing her in front of the camera to perform the world's worst song. Ark Music Factory, led by producer Patrice Wilson (he's the dude in the panda costume; what panda costume, you ask? hang on), has topped itself with "Chinese Food," simply a glop of bewilderment and suburban American camp.