These CBA All-Stars Did Irrevocable Damage To The Game Of Basketball Last Night

I’m currently working on re-uploading the original video, which included music. (UPDATE: Deadspin has embedded the video with music.) WMG and IODA were unhappy with my inclusion of Hanggai’s “Five Heroes,” so they won’t let you see it if you live inside the U.S., but if you have a VPN that connects you from Kuala Lumpur or something, check this.

The CBA All-Star game was last night in Guangzhou, with the very first minute portending an evening of heroic fails. The southern all-stars sprinted out to miss their first three shots, all three-pointers. Their first two buckets were scored by former Dallas Maverick Wang Zhizhi, whom a less discerning fan could be excused for thinking was dead. Still, the North still found itself down 11 near the end of the first quarter, ball in Stephon Marbury’s hands, when the above happened. At one point in the video, the two CCTV-5 commentators, utterly flabbergasted, simultaneously exercise the golden rule of state broadcasting: if you can’t think of a nice way of saying something, say nothing at all. If James Naismith were a vampire, he just drove a stake through his own grief-stricken heart.

Youku video for those in China after the jump.

By the way, the North erased a 16-point deficit second-half deficit (it was 74-58 South midway through the 3rd quarter) to win 122-112. Shanxi’s Charles Gaines — known for (allegedly) knocking out a Chinese basketball player — finished with five or so monster dunks and actually seemed to play defense, but the MVP went to Qingdao’s Li Gen, who scored 31 points.

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