China Twitter Accounts You Probably Already Follow, Schmuck

Beijing Cream Twitter

At the end of every year, the meejah publish lists: what’s what, what’s hot, what’s not, what’s frot — y’know, “Top 10 Worst Celebrity Red Carpet Frock Horrors!” and other such high-water marks for journalism.

But being lazy and living in China, we thought we’d wait until the end of the Dragon Year to do something similar. And seeing as we’re cheeky and crass, we thought we’d take a slightly different approach.

So here it is, our list of the 28 China-related Twitter accounts that, indiscriminately chosen via no particular criteria, have earned a place in our Hall of Flame. This collection took about five minutes to compile, so please don’t feel offended if you’re not included. There’s always next year…

Speaking of which, nominations are now open for yourself or others for future iterations of the Beijing Cream Twitterati.

Ai Weiwei, artist @aiww

Even the most mundane observation treated as holy writ.

William Albano, techy @niub

Had us confused with @niubi for MONTHS. More confusingly, Albano’s website is Niubi.com.

Hu Xijin, editor @HuXijinGT

Responsible for everything you hate and love about Global Times. Lives under fake Qing-style bridge, probably. Follows only one other Twitter account: his own newspaper’s. You can’t make this shit up… can you, Mr. Hu?

Shaun Rein, author @shanurein

Avowed “friend of China.” Keeps good, long memory for grudges – bit like his friends in government.

Elyse Ribbons, thespian, MC, deleted Jackie Chan extra @iheartbeijing

Can always be counted on to humblebrag, be irritating, or fail to realize she’s being a humblebragging irritant. Took us exactly four seconds to find example tweet.

Kaiser Kuo, Henan native @kaiserkuo

Like Jimmy Page and Keith Richards before him, retired from rock ‘n roll to become PR frontman for tech giant.

Jeremy Goldkorn, media consultant @goldkorn

Successful despite hailing from country that instituted Apartheid. Enjoys a sherry or two before recording podcasts.

Bill Bishop, unknown @niubi

Will assassinate you on Twitter, judging by his profile pic.

Jim Boyce, bon vivant @beijingboyce

Nightlife blogger who hates life, nighttime

Nicholas Kristof, journalist @nickkristof

It’s now a two-horse race between Nick Kristof and Tom Friedman on who can be the Tom Friedman of China.

Cam MacMurchy, communications @zhongnanhai

Chummy Canadian loves to let you know about his lunch habits.

Charlie Custer, techy @chinageeks

Continues epistles about China from the safety of the US. Look, dogs!

Alicia Lui, consultant @alicialui1

Cat tweets and Buzzfeed, basically.

This guy @akadashan

Too much Chinese.

China Daily, media @chinadailyusa

Previous twitter account, @china_daily, “suspended.” It followed porn stars.

Jonah Kessel, photographer @Jonah_Kessel

The below was tweeted after a series of interminable updates of his video uploading activities on Vimeo.

Yet the updates continue…

China Daily Show, humor @chinadailyshow

Tweeting behind a mask, often with punctuation or spelling typos that ruin the joke. Scurrilous.

The Beijinger, magazine @thebeijinger

Sigh x 1000.

That’s Beijing, the ghost of Mark Kitto, @thats_beijing

Is actually running our Twitter piece in this month’s magazine. Hmm.

Anthony Tao, Kansan @anthonytao

Ultimate Frisbee aka “supreme disc” aficionado who is random and irrelevant. Oh so weird.

Miniharm, satire @miniharm

Logo reminds us of NAMbLA‘s. Content isn’t as likeable, sadly.

City Weekend, biweekly @cityweekend

Matriarchal editorial staff yet to unleash the true power of feminism, more Kitty Weekend.

Kim Jong Number Un, “humor” @kimjongnumberun

The jokes about “Dad,” famine and swapping nukes for an iPhone 5 were amusing for about four tweets. Astonishingly, has nearly quarter-million followers; follows only one (Kim Kardashian). LOL?

Shanghaiist, blog @shanghaiist

If you’ve missed a story on Beijing Cream, don’t worry: it’ll probably turn up here.

Want China Times, website @wantchinatimes

Unverified and thinly sourced. Also, the name. What next, Yum! Daily?

Steve George, editor @steve0george

True believer in the expat mag. Basically an asshole.

Xinhua News, soft pornographer @XHNews

Always scooping foreign journalists on, well, everything, really.

Beijing Cream, porn @beijingcream

Ribald, irreverent, snarky, meta, misinformed. “Slags.”

To slag this much is to love.

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