Conan O’Brien And Andy Dub Over Popular Chinese Soap Opera As Only They Can

Conan and Andy dub over featured image
Conan O'Brien will never be as popular in the US as he was in the weeks immediately following his very public resignation from The Tonight Show, but his stock is only rising in China. Largely thanks to his on-air, cross-ocean, short-lived and funny "feud" with Dong Chengpeng, host of the show Da Peng Debade, Chinese producers recognize Conan's name, and so it was that the people in charge of the popular soap opera "Return of the Pearl Princess" sought him and his sidekick, Andy, for a recent project.

Friday Night Musical Outro: Omnipotent Youth Society – Kill That Man From Shijiazhuang

Shijiazhuang's OYS featuerd image
Here’s a bit of music news followed by something you can do for Chinese rock. The media-starved Chinese indie scene got a huge push on Sina Weibo this week when blogger Han Han found time between his car racing and corporate whoring to plug Shijiazhuang’s well-respected indie quartet Omnipotent Youth Society. This is a big... Read more »

Here’s A “Math” Question For You…

Math question
A math question has recently stumped even the parents of the primary school children for whom it was assigned. See if you can answer this one: The first line reads: Below, these are aliens. The second line: Below, these are not aliens. The third line: Below, which is an alien? Please circle. Xinhua’s description of this... Read more »

The Double Tragedy Of The Cultural Revolution In Tibet

Tibet during the Cultural Revolution 1
In Foreign Policy’s introduction to its latest slideshow of rare photos from Tibet during the Cultural Revolution, the line that jumps out to me is the last one: “This installment of FP’s Once Upon a Time series shows the Land of Snows from a long-forgotten period, when Tibet’s enemy wasn’t China, but itself.” The line, I’m sure,... Read more »

Introducing, In China: A Perfect Cut Of Aesthetic Hell

Chinese townhouses in Hainan
Our analysis of this tenement precinct found in Lingshui county, Hainan province begins with the seminal modernist architect Louis Sullivan's famous phrase "form follows function." Buildings should be designed with their purpose in mind, and so it is philosophically laid out here, in this neighborhood, that the purpose of all human life is to sprout like a blade of grass out of red dirt, sway in the wind, and die. All joy is subsumed by the reality of existing. Not one wasted word is spent. You are because you are. Accept it, for residents of Dadun Village are all engaged in the process of death or already dead.

GitHub Blocked In China Thanks To The Railway Ministry’s Crappy Ticketing Site [UPDATE]

Ministry of Railway image
The Golden Shield Project (aka Great Firewall of China) has decided GitHub no longer conforms with Chinese notions of harmony, as first noticed Monday by GreatFire.org and reported on The Next Web. The block comes on the heels of the Ministry of Railways's unsuccessful attempt to convince Chinese browser-makers to stop providing a plugin that helps users purchase train tickets off MOR's website.

Baidu Autofill Reinforces Stereotype That Americans Love Sluts

Baidu American consulate search 4
Surely you’re aware of the Google autofill / autocomplete meme? For instance, someone types the words “i accidentally” into a Google search bar as part of a longer phrase, but Google presumes you’re too lazy to finish your five-word sentence, so it helpfully offers a pulldown list of possible searches such as “i accidentally the whole... Read more »

The Worst Basketball Refereeing Ever (And Of Course Tracy McGrady Happens To Be Involved)

Tracy McGrady vs Tianjin 2
I'm not sure how, but Tracy McGrady has a way of attracting refereeing debacles. (As a Beijing fan, I'm not just talking about Wednesday night's avian contest between the Ducks and Double Star Eagles in Qingdao, though that was massively craptacular too, with the home team benefitting from so many calls that I wondered aloud whether the CBA was publicly making amends with T-Mac for suspending him.) The worst -- absolute no doubt worst bar none -- happened yesterday.

Fuck SARFT

Fuck SARFT
The State Administration of Radio, Film, and Television is a yawning cunt of beigest ninnies and bacillus. It’s written right there in its mission statement: Our function is to research and promote the insipid, hackneyed humdrum of popular media while bowdlerizing, inside the deep recess of our cave of assery, all that is good, interesting, real, or... Read more »

China Will Be Seeing A Lot More Of Manchester United After Latest Sponsorship Deals

Man U fans in China
Manchester United recently announced sponsorship deals with two Chinese companies, Wahaha and China Construction Bank (CCB), the latter of which will produce Man U-branded credit cards. Considering China is one of the largest growth markets for any business, it’s no a surprise that the 134-year-old club is looking to strengthen its presence here. There are... Read more »

Heroic Principal Stabbed To Death Trying To Protect His Students

Hunan principal sacrifice 1
Evil exists: primeval notions of violence, vengeance, as impossible to stamp out as the biological markers in our DNA that shape us as the wonderful and pathetic creatures we are. Yet out of every reprehensible, sinister act, we are simultaneously given the chance for redemption: an opportunity for a correlating heroic measure. Since the dawn... Read more »

Chinese Tech Companies Have Come A Long Way, But Have Further To Go, If Their Performance At This Year’s CES Is Any Indication

Hisense at CES 2013
I’ll be honest, I joined the “Consumer-Electronics-Show-is-irrelevant” bandwagon after so many years of really cool but never released gadgets in technology. That said, there have been a few interesting stories to come out of this year’s four-day CES in Las Vegas, which ended January 13: 4K TV sets (aka UltraHD), 50 Cent trying to capitalize on... Read more »

Heroin Mule Thought He Could Sneak Into China By Saying He Was A JOURNALIST

Bag of powder heroin
No, dude. You’re doing it very wrong. Global Times: A foreign man, who claimed to be a journalist, was detained by Beijing Customs after they discovered heroin inside his sports shoes at Beijing Capital International Airport. The alleged smuggler, whose identity and nationality have not been revealed, arrived in Beijing at 8 am on January... Read more »

The Asahi Shimbun: Xi Jinping Displeased With Liu Yunshan And Propaganda Department’s Handling Of Southern Weekly Incident

Liu Yunshan and Xi Jinping
Japan’s highly respected daily The Asahi Shimbun suggested in an article on Monday that Xi Jinping was unhappy with the way the “media control division” handled last week’s Southern Weekly ordeal. Specifically, Xi was unhappy with the way Liu Yunshan, chief of the propaganda department and a longtime Hu Jintao guy, forced newspapers around the... Read more »

Your Team Bonding Exercise Has Never Looked Liked This: Dongbei Waitresses Go Full Martial

Dandong restaurant waitresses server featured image
Have North Korean special forces infiltrated this Dandong restaurant's waitstaff? Did Doctor Who bring a squadron of Red Guard back from the Cultural Revolution to change the course of history? While it's difficult to ascertain how this restaurant's waitresses turned into a crack troop of freaky deaky soldiers, one thing is for sure: parents won't be bribing anyone to get their children a rank in this army.

Did Plainclothes Officers Really Kidnap A Man In Broad Daylight In Front Of Rolling Cameras? [UPDATE]

ZDF interview Southern Weekly Jiang Di smuggled plainclothes officers
In Guangzhou recently, the German TV station Zweites Deutsches Fernsehen (ZDF) was interviewing a young man about Southern Weekly when a team of plainclothes police allegedly swooped in and smuggled him into a white van. The description on the YouTube video from channel ChinaNewsChannal suggests that the officers kidnapped the man, Jiang Di, because he was giving the... Read more »