CCTV Censors Spring Festival Gala’s Best Moment, Lu Chen’s Riff On Gay Innuendo Between Leehom Wang And Li Yundi

Lu Chen and Li Yundi featured image
Ah, live TV. Did magician Lu Chen give the CCTV Spring Festival Gala -- the most-watched show on Chinese television every year -- its Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction" moment? First, a little background. Top Chinese pianist Li Yundi and Chinese American singer Leehom Wang are best buds who spend so much time together that people openly question the nature of their relationship. (The two have repeatedly said they're not gay lovers.) It's kind of a running joke, the sort that feeds gossip mills and keeps tabloids in business.

Beijing Rings In Year Of The Snake With Fireworks, Pandemonium And Beautiful Mayhem

Chinese New year in Beijing 2013.b
HELLO. CAN YOU HEAR ME? SORRY FOR SHOUTING, BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY -- CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK -- SAY THAT AGAIN? SORRY IT'S JUST THAT THE -- POW -- AND -- POW -- MAKING IT HAR -- POW POW POW -- ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS HAP -- KABLOOOOOM -- GODDAMNIT! -- EEEERRRRRRRRNNNNNNN -- YOU KNOW WHAT? -- POPpopPOPpopPOPpopPOPpopPOP -- JUST WATCH THIS VIDEO.

PSY Makes First Mainland China TV Appearance, Performs In Shanghai’s Dragon TV Gala [Video]

PSY teaches Gangnam Style in Shanghai Dragon TV featured image 2
As advertised, South Korean rapper PSY made his first televised appearance in mainland China at the Shanghai Spring Festival TV Gala, which aired on Dragon TV on Sunday. There were indeed dancing robots, as you can see. But much more bizarre was the exchange at the beginning, in which PSY tried to teach Gangnam basics to the hosts, who appeared contractually obligated to play dumb as if there were still people in the world seeing this for the first time.

Female Driver, Refusing To Step Out Of Vehicle, Takes Officer On A 5-Kilometer Ride On Her Car Hood

Cop rides hood of car featured image
We’ve all been pulled over before, and unless you’re a black man in Florida or CM Punk driving through Missouri, it probably went without incident. You accepted your ticket, or got let off with a warning after conspicuously flashing your boy scout card, and that was that. On Monday, however, a woman in Dunhuang, Gansu... Read more »

Toddler Moons National TV Audience During Vice Premier Li Keqiang’s Impromptu House Visit [UPDATE]

Naked kid pops out of closet featured image
Chinese Vice Premier Li Keqiang made an unexpected visit to a farmer’s family in Baotou, Inner Mongolia earlier this week. How unexpected? According to Sina Weibo, the farmer’s son was still sleeping (half-)naked in the room, so the father told him to go hide in the cupboard. With CCTV cameras rolling, the kid ran out of oxygen,... Read more »

Ping Fu Is Latest Memoirist Caught In Web Of Exaggeration And Mistruth

Ping Fu
We’re all suckers for a good story. In recent years, we’ve seen the authors of too-good-to-be-true memoirs exposed (James Frey, Greg Mortensen, etc.), and now we’re seeing this with a notable businesswoman from China. In Bend, Not Break, Ping Fu details her eventful life. During the Cultural Revolution, she was separated from her parents at age 8,... Read more »

Guangzhou Gym Offers Barbell Fuck, Pedal Fuck, Fight Fuck, And Group Fuck

Guangzhou gym fuck
Look at this: “Rebuilt the Life of Beauty.” What does that even mean? Hello! Everyone knows it should be “rebuild,” verb. Even then, “life of beauty” hardly is the message we want to send to our children, now is it? Shame on you, Capital Fitness Club, for reinforcing the myth that beauty should be a goal, held higher... Read more »

Anne Ishii Writes About Eddie Huang And The Size Of Asian Men’s Penises. Read At Your Own Peril

Eddie Huang shower
Anne Ishii, writer/translator in New York, writing in Slate: Martin Luther King Jr. said… Please stop. …we should be judged by the content of our character and not the color of our skin, but no one said anything about what’s in our pants. Oh fuck. There is an unspeakable fallacy that all Asian-American men must decide... Read more »

Where Can I Watch The Super Bowl In Beijing?

Super Bowl XLVII
The official Super Bowl party in Beijing is at the Kerry Hotel starting at 6:30 am tomorrow. It costs 300 RMB for adults, 200 RMB for children, which includes free-flow Budweiser and soft drinks, an American breakfast, and interactive games. A table of 10 costs 2,800 RMB and can be reserved by calling 8565 2633. What... Read more »

On Botnets, Spam, Trojans, And Other Malware In China: How Vulnerable Are We?

Adjacking
On January 15, BBC News ran a report about a Trojan virus affecting millions of users in China. According to undisclosed security firms, there now exists a botnet on these millions of devices capable of “being used for fraudulent purposes,” including DDoS (distributed denial of service) attacks and spam email campaigns. Of course, this does sound scary, and botnets (in any form) are becoming more and more prevalent and thus increasingly worrisome.

Snitches Get Stitches: Chinese Hackers Break Into The New York Times’s Network To Fish Out Their Sources

New York Times NYT vs China featured image
Chinese hackers, possibly using phishing software, reportedly broke into the New York Times's computer network four months ago and installed malware that enabled them to access the personal computers of 53 employees. All indications are that the attack is a response to the paper's investigation, led by Shanghai bureau chief David Barboza, into premier Wen Jiabao's family fortunes. The NY Times says its computers were compromised as far back as September 13, just as they were wrapping up reporting for the Wen piece, which was published on October 25.

The Didier Drogba Experiment In Shanghai Is Over: Striker Joins Anelka And Joel Griffiths In Skipping Town

Shanghai trio leaving
Didier Drogba rode into China with hopes of changing Chinese football. “I think I have a little bit of experience — I come here to share that experience and some knowledge,” he said back in July. Given the chance on a different team, he might have succeeded, and we might be writing a different story.... Read more »

Maya Moore Scores 53 Points In Game 1 Of WCBA Finals, Overshadowed By Fans Beating Up Referees [UPDATE]

Fans beat up refs in WCBA finals
Maya Moore scored 53 points and grabbed 13 rebounds in Game 1 of the WBCA finals yesterday. Whatever superlatives you want to append to that statement, feel free to do so, but I'll just write this again: 53 points, 13 rebounds. This is where the focus should be: a remarkable individual effort from the world's best female basketball player on Chinese professional basketball's biggest stage. Imagine if LeBron James went for 53 in the NBA finals (or CBA finals, to complete the analogy). You'd want 800 words about that, right? Moore's Shanxi beat Zhejiang 96-92 to grab a 1-0 lead in the best-of-five series.

China Is Polluted. We Get It Already

The smog monster
No one loves a polluted Beijing quite like foreign editors. The first time the smog swept through, two and a half weeks ago, lots of overseas publications were caught off guard and slept on the story, which is why we saw articles about China’s “Airpocalypse” up to five days after the skies had cleared up. Determined to... Read more »

Celebrity Businessman Chen Guangbiao Sells Canned Air To Make A Point

Chen Guangbiao sells canned air
If you live in northern China, particularly Beijing, you don’t need me to tell you the air’s not looking good today. By all indications, government officials understand this as well — their offices have windows, too. They live under the same miasma, as do their children. And we have to trust that they share our... Read more »

The Competition For Best Gangnam Style Remake Is Over: This Flipbook Wins

Gangnam Style flipbook parody
We have here a very late entry to the Internet’s ongoing competition for best Gangnam Style remake/parody, but sometimes the best really do come last. Please give your attention to Etoilec1, whose flipbook animation of Gangnam Style captures and embodies PSY’s original production in all its creativity, craftsmanship, zaniness, and sheer wonder. Is it scene-by-scene... Read more »

What’s Up With These “The Beijinger” Covers?

TBJ 201212 cover
The Beijinger is our fine city's largest expat magazine, purveyors of flour, dogs, hair, and hutong skiers. Frankly, we can't wait for what's next... tissues? turtles? WE HOPE SO. Too excited about the possibilities, we've gone ahead and mocked up some cover suggestions. Let's make this happen, tbj.