Hu Jintao Might Be Masturbating Under The Desk In This Photo

Hu Jintao and Xi Jinping
Few will accuse Hu Jintao of being photogenic (note: some have tried), but the above picture takes the cake. By Jason Lee of Reuters, captioned via Yahoo: “An attendant serves tea to China’s President Hu Jintao (L) next to China’s Communist Party Chief Xi Jinping (R) during the opening ceremony of the National People’s Congress (NPC)... Read more »

Vintage Footage Of A Smiley Hu Jintao In 1984 Provides A Rare Glimpse Of Him As A Young Charmer

Chinese leaders smiling
We — you, me, the world — might see outgoing president Hu Jintao as a wan robot less charismatic than a cardboard box, but there was a time during this man’s life when he was sprightly, good-humored, and jovial. Let this video — of a speech he gave in 1984, in front of colorful balloons —... Read more »

We’re Sorry If This Gives You Nightmares, But This Is Hu Jintao’s “O” Face

Hu Jintao on Beautiful Agony
We’ve spliced together Hu Jintao, China’s outgoing leader, and Beautiful Agony, a website that… Beautiful Agony began as an experiment*, to test a theory that eroticism in human imagery lies not in the body, but in the face; that film of a genuine, unscripted, natural orgasm can succeed where the most visceral mainstream pornography fails,... Read more »

Here’s Hu Jintao Looking Absolutely Thrilled To Be Casting A Vote “In Election For CPC Central Committee”

Hu Jintao is thrilled
As China promotes up-and-comers to its approximately 350-member CPC Central Committee, culminating in an announcement (we hope) of the all-powerful nine-member Central Politburo Standing Committee, the place you should be keeping an eye on today is @XHNews, Xinhua’s official Twitter account. Not only will it probably break the news of the new Standing Committee —... Read more »

No One Can Resist The Animal Magnetism Of Hu Jintao

Fuck it fuck everything GIF
China Daily: “Hu’s report gets nationwide attention.” No, seriously, it says that. RFH has a theory that the people who organize the National Congress intentionally make it as boring as possible to test the outer limits of what “watchdog” journalists are willing to tolerate before they throw up their hands, a la: Chinese media, however,... Read more »

Watch: Hu Jintao Heckler Forcibly Removed From Premises

Hu Jintao Heckler Forcibly Removed From Premises featured image
Chinese president Hu Jintao was in Hong Kong over the weekend as part of the 15th-year anniversary celebration of Hong Kong's handover from the UK. Yesterday, he dropped by the Hong Kong Convention and Exhibition Center to swear in the somewhat unpopular Leung Chun-ying as new chief executive, but before he could, a demonstrator tried to interrupt his speech with pro-democracy slogans such as, "Vindicate June 4 [referring to those killed near Tiananmen in 1989]" and "End one-party dictatorship, establish a democratic China." Hu, we imagine, didn't even blink -- because he never does, since he is a robot.

Let’s Mark The 15th Anniversary Of Hong Kong’s Handover By Acknowledging That Hu Jintao Is A Robot

Hu Jintao is a robot featured image
Chinese president Hu Jintao landed in Hong Kong on Friday to take part in a three-day trip to commemorate 15 years since the colony was handed back to China from the UK (today is anniversary day, actually). Watch him make prepared comments to assembled media, above -- but only if you're well rested or caffeinated. I'm falling asleep just replaying the scene in my mind. The worst part about it is: he's not even saying something important or, for god's sake, solemn. He's being a wet sock for the hell of it, I think. Hu Jintao, world's greatest troll.

Chinese State Media Gushes Over Piece Of Adhesive Hu Jintao Removes From His Shoe

Hu Jintao and the national flag
Here is the perfect example of a Chinese state mouthpiece spinning cock out of bull. Attention: this piece, “President Hu picks up China’s dignity,” published on People’s Daily at 1:05 pm today. Scene: G20 Summit in Los Cabos, Mexico; as leaders walk off after their photo op, Chinese president Hu Jintao bends over to pick... Read more »