Chinese People With Unfortunate Anus Problems: A Compendium [With Rolling Updates!]

UPDATE, 6:42 pm: After this post was published, Want China Times changed “anus” to “urethra” and (almost) scrubbed all evidence of their error — see bottom (no pun intended). UPDATE, 6:45 pm: OK, I intended that pun.

Want China Times reported today that “a man in central China’s Henan province went out with a woman he had met online on May 8” and “was viciously attacked by her jealous boyfriend and his friends after the date.”

And?

The 27-year-old Gao Xin (not his real name) met the woman for the date and was later accosted by her angry boyfriend on the street. The boyfriend and three of his friends attacked Gao, inserting a 1.2-meter computer wire into his anus urethra.

The man was reportedly too ashamed to seek medical help until a day later, but why the embarrassment? He needed merely to remember the following stories of anus woe to realize these sort of things happen to everybody can happen to anybody:

Man attempts suicide by way of inserting vegetable where it will never shine. [Digital Journal]

Last month in Hong Kong, a 62-year-old man attempted to commit suicide using an ancient Chinese method, he told doctors. He inserted a zucchini in his anus, hoping to bleed to death. The medical team was able to save his life.

Bad prank, or worst prank in the history of the universe? [The Sun]

A CHEF has died after an EEL was put up his bum.

Shocked doctors in Sichuan, China, found the sea creature in the 59-year-old man’s rectum after his death, it has been reported.

The 50cm long Asian swamp eel was allegedly inserted into the unnamed man’s bottom, after he passed out drunk, by pals playing a prank on him.

Medics said the eel had devoured his bowels.

Man gets new anus at age 55. [Global Times]

A farmer from Jiayu county of Hubei Province has lived 55 years without an anus, after being born with congenital anal atresia in the Wuhan Union Hospital. But now doctors have reshaped a new fundament for him in January.

Wu previously endured a 0.5-centimeter diameter surgical hole, or stomas, near his urethra for excrement, through which he could squeeze stools out with his hands. Wu had to pay attention to the food he ate, avoid constipation and was a frequent user of laxatives.

And finally… [Global Times again]

A nurse in Shenzhen, South China’s Guangdong Province, allegedly sewed up the anus of a woman who had just given birth because the woman’s husband did not hand over a big red envelope demanded by the nurse for assisting in the delivery.

The husband, who gave only his surname Chen, told the Global Times Wednesday that his wife was excited on July 23 after their son was delivered in the privately operated Shenzhen Phoenix Hospital. But the mother’s joy soon turned to agonizing pains in her anus.

“I discovered that her anus was stitched with black thread. The anus also swelled,” Chen said.

UPDATE, 6:23 pm: Thank you to commenter Andrea for this: [Gizmodo]

Nineteen year old Huang Chen stumbled drunk into a hospital in Changsha, China recently complaining of severe pain in his backside. Yeah, you know where this is going…but there is a twist.

As the story goes, the television in the ward mysteriously turned off when the patient turned over in bed, shortly before x-rays revealed that his friends had crammed a remote up his butt while he was passed out.

• 
•