Wen Jiabao Pauses Long Enough Between Guffaws To Order Probe Into Family’s “Hidden Fortunes”

Nice one, Gramps Wen. Via South China Morning Post (above image by cartoonist Harry Harrison):

In a letter submitted to the Politburo Standing Committee, the party’s top decision-making body of which the premier is also a member, Wen asked for a formal inquiry into claims made by The New York Times.

A report on October 26 alleged his family had amassed at least US$2.7 billion of assets during his premiership. The Standing Committee had agreed to his request, the sources said.

Wen Jiabao orders inquiry into Wen Jiabao… that’s some Scanner Darkly shit there. SCMP’s money line:

It is unclear what the inquiry is likely to dig up, or when the results will be published, if at all.

Here are a few things more likely to happen than a conviction of Wen Jiabao, ordered by Wen Jiabao:

  • Kim Jong-un practices conjugal loyalty to this wife.
  • A third party wins a state in a US presidential election.
  • ASEAN gets a single currency.
  • Vladimir Putin rocks out to Pussy Riot.
  • Cormac McCarthy writes a shitty novel.
  • Hong Kong returns to British rule.
  • Elvis joins the Rolling Stone’s 50th Anniversary Tour.
  • Kate Upton hooks up with Jason Acuña.
  • Kate Middleton poses nude in The Sun.
  • Lionel Messi transfers to Real Madrid.
  • Jurassic Park in real life.
  • The Cubs win the World Series.

China Daily Show, get to work.

Meanwhile, it’s not too late to participate in our New York Times office pool – when will the website be blocked until? The nearest chosen date was November 10, while Kaiser Kuo has the backend at April 1, 2013.

(H/T Alicia, Dray)

8 Responses to “Wen Jiabao Pauses Long Enough Between Guffaws To Order Probe Into Family’s “Hidden Fortunes””

  1. RhZ

    No you are misinterpreting the request. Wen is asking for an investigation about how those state secrets were released. He wants the culprits punished.

    An investigation into a top leader for corruption? What are you on?? Such a thing will never happen!

    Reply
    • The Tao

      I see where there might have been confusion. Here’s the SCMP lead: “The communist party leadership has launched a probe into the alleged family wealth of Wen Jiabao at the premier’s request, according to sources.”

      Reply
      • RhZ

        Yeah I don’t have access to SCMP. But there will not be a probe into the actual wealth of Wen’s family, I can tell you that much.

        It either means they will be searching for the whistleblower in order to punish him, or it means they will do a whitewash and come out with the conclusion that Wen and his family are squeaky clean. There are no more options.

        Reply
        • Boooooooooya

          ‘The whistleblower’ is probably just whoever in the Politburo likes Wen the least, though. Or whoever’s the most corrupt.

          Reply
  2. Boooooooooya

    Oh, and the comedy explanation for this would be an epic Wen family feud about all of that money. The premier gets so sick of his corrupt relatives’ shit that he orders an official investigation of them. It’ll end with two-thirds of the family being officially resurnamed ‘Bo’.

    Reply
  3. King Tubby

    Nice list General. Lionel Messi and even Cormac McCarthy. You aren’t just a pretty face with keyboard skills.

    Gotta tell you though. All these bloody basketball posts don’t resonate. Very minor global rabbit ears sport rabbit ears. Who bloody cares except for a few catamites who want to powder Jeremy Lin’s balls.

    Reply

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