Meet China’s Top Monkey Trainer, Who Breastfeeds Her Subjects

If you heard through the grapevine — at a bar, for instance — that a certain Chinese woman breastfeeds monkeys, where would you suppose that person got his info? The Sun and Daily Mail?

The Sun and Daily Mail. Let’s start with The Sun:

Jiao Xinzhen believes it is the key to the success of her husband Huang Aiqing’s monkey-training school in Central China.

Speaking about her bizarre methods, the 27-year-old said: “Many times, some of the baby monkeys slip onto our bed at night to suck my breasts.”

And now Daily Mail:

His wife Jiao, 27, explained: ‘Many times, some of the baby monkeys slip onto our bed at night to suck my breasts.’

‘I feel they are just like my children,’ she added.

Now back to The Sun:

She added: “I feel like they are just like my children.”

The couple love their chimpan-ions so much they have even adopted a monkey as a second child and a playmate for their human son.

“In this house the monkeys are king,” said Huang.

And Daily Mail:

‘In this house the monkeys are king,’ said Huang.

‘When I see him playing with my son I can see how close we are to them and they are to us and I’m pleased my boy has such a good playmate,’ he added.

Oh, British fucking tabloids. You guys are the worst.

Xinhua wouldn’t possibly have anything to say about humans who breastfeed monkeys, would it?

Right, who are we kidding. It’s Xinhua.

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