Heroin Mule Thought He Could Sneak Into China By Saying He Was A JOURNALIST

No, dude. You’re doing it very wrong.

Global Times:

A foreign man, who claimed to be a journalist, was detained by Beijing Customs after they discovered heroin inside his sports shoes at Beijing Capital International Airport.

The alleged smuggler, whose identity and nationality have not been revealed, arrived in Beijing at 8 am on January 11. He told the customs officer he had nothing to declare, and being a reporter, he would stay in Beijing for a long time. It is not known where he boarded his flight.

Huh, I wonder why authorities suddenly got suspicious.

Scene:

Customs officer: Let’s see your passport.

Smugger: <nervously slides over passport>

Customs officer: <stamps it, continues flipping through pages> Do you have anything to declare?

Smuggler: <eyes dart> Um, why would I have anything to declare?

Customs officer: Oh, people bring in iPhones, iPads, gold watches, Louis Vuitton bags, X-ray machines, laser guns, mango… it doesn’t really matter. Just check “no” and we’ll get you on your way…

Smuggler: No, no, I don’t have any of those things, I’m a journalist.

Customs officer: <blanches, looks up>

Smuggler: You know, a journa–

Customs officer: Sir, come with me.

“However, this self-declared reporter had no journalist visa which made him suspicious,” said a press release from Beijing customs. The suspect only had a small carry-on and a laptop bag, which contained no camera or other equipment.

As BJC reader (and journalist) Valentina notes: “Tip to drug smugglers: if you want to avoid attention, don’t do something that pretty much says, ‘COME ON! Search the fuck out of me.’”

The smuggler was carrying 680 grams of heroin and is believed to have been working with a drug gang.

Foreign heroin mule detained (Global Times, h/t Alicia)

6 Responses to “Heroin Mule Thought He Could Sneak Into China By Saying He Was A JOURNALIST”

  1. Chackie Jan

    Haha, saying you’re a journalist to avoid suspicion. It’s like someone trying to get past nazi-guards by saying he’s jewish. Or a white guy trying to make it in the rap scene like Vanilla Ice or … oh, wait, Eminem. I guess it can work! I’m off to buy H and say I’m a journalist. It’s foolproof!

    Reply
  2. Ander

    Looks like you’ve got a good pitch for some kinda ongoing series with this.
    “Foreign journalists just keep on trying to fuck China up”
    …or some such titling~

    Reply

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