The Internet is for porn, but until I came across this Shanghaiist post, I hadn’t realized there’s a search engine that cuts out the chaff and takes you straight to what you’re after.
Check it out: PornMD, which is safe for work until you write anything in the search bar, after which you should lower your laptop lid if you’re in a public place.
And what exactly are people typing into the search bar? PornMD tells us, helpfully. In China, as you see in the above graphic via Buzzfeed, the top searches are:
- Japanese
- Chinese
- Chinese (gay)
- Asian (gay)
- Japan
- Asian
- Japan (gay)
- Japanese (gay)
- China
- Korean
Compare and contrast that with some of the Top 10 searches from other countries such as Syria (creamy squirt, aletta ocean, dirty scat), Finland (squirt compilation), Australia (hentai), Ukraine (raincoat [Ed's note: huh?]), Russia (sasha grey), Iceland (prostate massage), South Africa (poop), Iran (hairy (gay)), and, um, Romania (mom and son), and the message becomes agonizingly clear:
China lacks creativity. How many times have we said so? Oh Steve Rimjobs, where art thou? Mark Suckherbird, show us the light. Bill Gays, rain wisdom from your cloud of knowledge. Jack Mammary, lift us out of our creative poverty.
By the way, I’m on a network that blocks access to PornMD. Someone type “Mark Suckherbird” into the search bar and report back the results, please.
Raincoat?
Never go to Maggies without bringing your raincoat.
Make sure you wear your raincoat if you take her home.
Understand?
I am shocked, SHOCKED that “Sora Aoi” was not anywhere in this list of China’s porn search terms. That alone calls the entire data set into question.
I’ve never understood the appeal of “laptop” computers. If it’s on your lap then how are you supposed to masturbate??