There are two kinds of masturbators: those who lie about doing it, and those who don't. Check out which is which in the above video, brought to us by Ministry of Tofu.
A little spoiler alert: more women admit to it than men. Hmm.
Context?
It’s not shameful to seek a companion to calm the exigencies of the heart, which swell like waves and retreat as quickly to beach sorrow on the shores of our body.
But this woman — Liang Yali — is a swindler and sham. We think. Because what kind of slick snake salesperson would take advantage of another person’s loneliness to charge these prices — as reported by SCMP — for something called the Seek-a-Husband Training Programme?
We talk about censors as if they weren't real, but SCMP serves us this useful reminder that the people deleting your videos, expurgating articles, handcuffing artists, destroying the TV and entertainment industry, and -- the of course of "of courses" -- blocking porn, are made of flesh and blood, with intellectual capacities, however stunted, and human desires.
Well, some used to have human desires, before they were forced to watch porn all day. Desensitized, sex is but gymnastics with bad theatrics, something to pass the time, like a run on the treadmill.
Check out this young couple on the Taipei subway: he reads a book while she, um, sleeps on his lap... with a jacket over her head... bobbing up and down.
Yeah.
Sneaky, naughty, and bookish. Kids these days.
A professor at Guangzhou’s Sun Yat-sen University is soliciting tapes, poems, plays, and songs about masturbation as part of a research project-cum-contest called “New Media Contest on Masturbation.” As SCMP reports, “The rules are simple: submit your masturbation videos, poems, plays, or songs,” and the winner gets 10,000 yuan, with hefty cash prizes for second,... Read more »
I don’t want to steal pageviews from Sina English, which has just published probably its funniest set of captions ever, so go over there and check out “Zoo plays AV to help pandas mate.” They run a total of three pictures, the captions to each are as follows:
“The mighty women of Chengdu, ‘raping’ a man on the street,” reads the opening to this Sina Weibo post. With all the usual disclaimers that this is hearsay, let us continue:
Those who use Momo and, to a lesser extent (but not much lesser), WeChat probably already know this, but social Apps are great for finding new and -- how shall we say -- temporary friends. However, if you are cruising around in the great murky sea trawling for bottles or booty, you open yourself up to getting hooked, too. Really open yourself up, actually, because you're going up against professionals.
Here’s a political sex scandal out of Jiangxi province with an unexpected twist. Qu Wenyuan, a village-level party secretary in Nanchang, Jiangxi, was recently suspended after his girlfriend posted a naked photo of him on Sina Weibo. Shanxi Evening News reports that Hu Dandan (pseudonym) posted the picture possibly as payback for his “corruption and gambling,” evidence for... Read more »
The “law” may have finally caught up with Zhu Ruifeng, the whistleblower who released sex tapes that busted 11 officials, including district Party boss Lei Zhengfu of Chongqing. Last night, scary cops visited his home in Beijing, saying they were from the local police station. “Zhu suspected that they had actually come from Chongqing and... Read more »
Surely you’re aware of the Google autofill / autocomplete meme? For instance, someone types the words “i accidentally” into a Google search bar as part of a longer phrase, but Google presumes you’re too lazy to finish your five-word sentence, so it helpfully offers a pulldown list of possible searches such as “i accidentally the whole... Read more »
With power, what does a man buy first? A mistress, of course, especially in this country, where it’s been said that “a man without a mistress is useless.” But in Shenzhen on Monday, someone held a little demonstration to push back against the practice of taking ernai (literally, “second wife”). Around Book City outside the Grand Theater... Read more »
Another day, another man tries to cut off his own penis. Recently in Hong Kong, as Shanghaiist tells us via ON.cc (belonging to the Oriental Press Group), 29-year-old Mr. Luk from Hong Kong tried to castrate himself with pair of scissors. His subsequent scream woke his father, who immediately called the police and sent him to... Read more »
Are you a panda in human form, unable to conceive not because of physical limitations but due to low libido? A hospital in Wuhan, Hubei province may provide the sexual spark your relationship needs to create that perfect love child. Please turn your attention to the “sex wards” of Songziniao hospital, opened on December 28.
Try this story on for size and see if you believe it. A woman lives with identical twin guys, Lin Weihao and Lin Weizhuang, one of whom is her boyfriend. In March 2010, after heavy drinking by everyone, she walks into the wrong man’s bedroom, i.e. not her boyfriend’s. She has sex with him, gets... Read more »
The police chief of Wusu, Xinjiang autonomous region has officially been fired for his role in a sex and hiring scandal, uncovered last week. We’re not sure which part of his offense is worse, keeping twin mistresses or abusing his power by promoting them, but either way, Qi Fang is gone. And for the record — it’s... Read more »
Qi Fang, police chief of Wusu, Xinjiang province, is the latest official to find himself embroiled in a sex scandal. He is accused of having an affair with two sisters from a cultural troupe, and using public funds to rent a luxury flat to meet them. The elder of the sisters was promoted to vice-captain... Read more »
Let’s get right to it. Shanghai Daily: A single mother bit off the penis of her 9-year-old son in a state of delirium on Sunday in Yibin, a city in southwestern Sichuan Province, local media reported. In my wildest fever dream, I will never again describe myself as being “in a state of delirium. The... Read more »
Dudes wearing creepy, creepy masks pulled down their pants, held orange-red plastic pails over their privates, and masturbated while scantily-clad female models did sexually suggestive things, including with dildos and blow-up dolls. And it wasn’t for a porno — a terrible, terrible porno that no one would watch. Who wants to explain? “On the afternoon... Read more »
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