Global Times Finds Primitive Tribe Of Monkey-Brain Eaters In Beijing

No story that begins with this headline can possibly go well:

Sure enough:

A rhesus monkey was chased into a public park by Beijingers who are not used to interacting with wildlife. It ended up being captured and taken away by an unidentified man, the Beijing Evening News reported yesterday.

The animal was spotted in a tree outside Dongdan Park Monday afternoon. A group of onlookers surrounded the tree and suggested they catch it and eat its brain.

And then we are helpfully told:

Monkey brain is considered a delicacy in many parts of China.

Fucking wonderful. As RFH points out, a Washington Post equivalent sentence might be: “For many, lynching is merely an expression of religious freedoms enshrined in ancient American thinking.”

Or how about:

“For many, eating monkey brains is considered an effective traditional medicinal protection against AIDS.”

“For many, the phrase ‘superman that ho’ is considered a normal thing to say while crunking in parts of the US.”

“For many, pursuing a live animal through the streets with the intention of consuming its brains is considered a tribute to The Walking Dead.”

Please, fair readers, continue this thread in the comments section.

2 Responses to “Global Times Finds Primitive Tribe Of Monkey-Brain Eaters In Beijing”

  1. Scott

    Haha. Walking Dead. Most of the fucking population of this city are god damn zombies anyway, so this makes so much sense to me.

    Reply

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