The Beiinger had a neat idea for a six-word contest last month, and in this month’s issue the editors have chosen their “50 best” entries. Leave it to the judges to spoil a good idea… OR MAKE IT AWESOME! We weren’t going to do this, but, well, here it is: below, unedited, the 20 worst of the Beijinger’s “50 best.” (And lest you think I’m just bitter that my entries weren’t chosen… you’re right. I’ve included my three submissions at the bottom for public ridicule.)
Love pollution. May I have another?
Taste of Beijing? 350 API, yuck!
who needs air, pollution is delicious
Got out, breathed in, threw up.
Lungs dying anyways. Why not smoke?
Grey skies get under your skin.
Beige skies, gray roofs, pink lights
Black sky; gray moon; red stars.
I love Beijing — it’s killing me
This one’s so good it doesn’tneedtobesixwords.
500pm: blue sky with Chinese characteristics
I get it. Chinese speak Chinglish.
hello new friend bag you want?
NO ONE SAYS “LOOKA LOOKA”
Lao wai looka looka yangrou chuanr
You missed an apostrophe.
Its been downhill since the Olympics
You misspelled apocalyptic.
Lonely. Neon. Fetid. Post-Apocolyptic. Horse burgers.
Because Ni Hao means hello. Ahhh.
You had me at Ni Hao.
I don’t understand the lowercase i.
i just don’t understand other laowais
You seem confused: hipster or bro?
bro, fengtai is the new dongcheng
Subway snail, crushing crowds, glazed glances
Just plain bad.
Civilised Chaoyang? Spit Spit Beep Beep.
Ring roads wrapped around red ruins
Duffle coat resplendent while dumpling dependent
Accidentally lost my livelihood. Chai happens.
Peking Restaurant: world’s best, with caveats.
Mandarin is best shaken, not stirred.