China Creating Super Viruses, Just ‘Cause

Chinese super virus H1N1 H5N1

China is mixing deadly H5N1 bird flu viruses with H1N1 swine flu viruses. You heard that right. The virus can already be passed between guinea pigs, which are used in these experiments as some sort of guinea pigs. They are making pigs and birds science-bone each other until they come up with some sort of superbug. A dangerous superbug that could potentially wipe out millions of lives, and the scientific community is condemning them for this “appalling irresponsibility.”

To that, I have one thing to say: awesome. Good on ya, China scientists. The odds of learning something useful in these studies are slim. However, SCIENCE!

SCIENCE! is the main reason they should be allowed to do it. The second reason is that, if they are doing it, how about everybody try not to piss off the dude holding the real-life version of the game Prototype in his hands.

Lord May of Oxford (to be known as Duke Big Vagina of Wimptown) says in the Independent, “They claim they are doing this to help develop vaccines and such like. In fact the real reason is that they are driven by blind ambition with no common sense whatsoever.”

Good. If history has taught us anything, scientists should be allowed to do whatever they want until something blows up/catches on fire/all the firstborn die. When that happens, it may be time to rein it in a bit, maybe.

Science knows no borders, no orthodoxy.

Yes, there are risks. Yes, they could weaponize it. Yes, it could kill millions. Yes, they could end up bringing about The Walking Dead (the comic book version; eat a dick AMC). There are a lot of worst-case scenarios. But the best-case scenario is some awesome scientist like Jonas Salk ruling over us with his benevolent virus-holding hand, a hand that smells of monkey kidneys.

Also, I bought my first touch screen phone like a year ago.

BORED! BORED! BORED! I’ve finished all the Angry Birds, even the Star Wars game. Bring on the genetically engineered stuff. An iSquirrel or the Googlerabbit. What is a Googlerabbit? I don’t know. Science will make one though.

Please, science, more things. More books. More knowledge. More shiny things. More escalators. Mankind’s obsession with learning will eventually destroy us. But I can’t think of a better way to go than some sort of Scientific Ragnarok.

Read more TAR Nation here.

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