Taiwan Ships Shoot Water That “Looks Like Urine,” Say Netizens

While Japanese and Taiwanese ships continue playing with their super soakers in the South Pacific, netizens have commented that the Taiwanese ships don’t shoot very straight or with force. Indeed, in the video above, you’ll see that it does look like they’re just pissing — which completely makes sense, since Japan and China are just having a pissing contest at this point.

Meanwhile, Time Magazine blares in its headline, “History Threatens Repeat in Renewed Pacific War.” Renewed Pacific war?

The good news is that there won’t be a new war in Asia. The bad news is that the old one never really ended. And with Japanese and foreign patrol boats firing water cannons at each other this week…

Yes, war — bring out the water balloons!

…it may not be long before the real shooting resumes.

Real shooting???

“The dispute over the Senkaku Islands is a direct legacy of the Pacific War. For many people, particularly in China, that war is still going on,” says Liu Jie, professor of history and international relations at Tokyo’s Waseda University.

That’s overstating it, obviously. There has always been anti-Japanese sentiment ever since Japan marched into Manchuria and landed in south China, terrorized the populace, killing about 10 million Chinese, many of them civilians, and many under horrific circumstances.

But renewed war? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. For one thing, the Taiwan ships aren’t even equipped with real water cannons. As the newscaster tells us, “A coast guard employee said helplessly, The water is used for cleaning naval vessels, not for waging ‘water wars.’”

Time to invest in a Banzai Aqua Tech Transmorpher!

(Wait, what’s that? “Banzai” is Japanese? Well fuck.)

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