The 2nd Annual Beijing Cream Bar And Club Awards, Where (Almost) No One Is Spared

UDPATE: Results are in!

Beijing expats may as well have been brought up in a magnificent castle, driven thence into this wonderland of partying and booze. Like all who emerge from relative privilege into physical decadence and spiritual morass, we are a self-centered lot, and so it is that we need a bar and club awards to tell us what we really want to know: where can we hang out with the kind who share our patois? what should we avoid due to the old sots and risk of disfigurement? where to get laid?

Yes, it’s awards season time, when the city’s very best are honored via reader vote, alongside the pretty good and the somewhat bad and all the rest. In that spirit, the 2nd annual Beijing Cream Bar and Club Awards honors 108 bar/club nominees (we’ve combined Punk/Mesh, Mix/Vics, and GT/Coco Banana) across 20 categories split into four groups. Competition this year is more cutthroat than ever, as only nine establishments (not counting the music venues) are nominated more than once, i.e. exactly twice. Want a paper plate? Seize your opportunity.

We’ll have more coverage throughout the week, breaking down the groups and categories. For now, VOTE HERE. The full list is below. With any luck, Beijing friends, we’ll learn to see our nightlives for what they really are.

Credit for the lovely images goes to Katie.

Mr. Laowai (analyzed by Kelly Mason)

Most Likely to Encounter a Young Candide Who Believes He/She Will Change China for the Better

• Apothecary
• Flamme
• Great Leap Brewing
• Heaven Supermarket
• Paddy O’Shea’s
• Salud

Most Likely to Find a Jaded China Hand Who Hates Everything and Everyone

• Amilal
• Capital M
• The James Joyce
• Janes and Hooch
• Maison Boulud
• Susu

Most Likely to Spot Another Laowai Looking Pissed That You Also Know This “Hidden” Place

• Cu Ju
• Mai
• Mao Mao Chong
• Más
• Revolution
• Slow Boat Brewery Taproom

Place You’d Take Your Visiting Parents, But Probably No One Else

• Ala House
• Atmosphere
• Bar Veloce
• Centro
• CJW
• Glen
• Scarlett

Best Value Drinks for a Food Establishment

• Blue Frog
• Homeplate
• The Kro’s Nest
• Q Mex
• Tim’s Texas BBQ
• Union

Mr. Drunk (analyzed by Ginny Weasley)

Place You’ll Probably End Up, No Matter How Hard You Resist

• 1F
• Brussels
• Chocolate
• Latte
• Miga’s
• Smugglers

Best Place to Go if You’re a Government Official or Fu’erdai

• Coco / GT Banana
• Dao Club
• Domus
• Face
• Tang Club
• Tango

Most Likely to Encounter a Cockeyed Sot Who Harbors Bad, Bad Intentions

• The Den
• Grinders
• Luga’s
• Plan B
• The Stumble Inn
• The Tree

Most Likely to Physically Injure Oneself

• 3F
• Haze
• LAN Club
• Lantern
• Red Club
• Spark

Place That Opened Before the Olympics That, Against All Odds, is Still Open

• 12SQM
• Black Sun
• Nanjie
• Nashville
• Q Bar
• The World of Suzie Wong

Little Miss Dance (analyzed by Hannah Lincoln)

Best Place to Go If You’re the Type of Shameless Asshole to Take Advantage of Another’s Drunkenness

• Alfa
• Bar Blu
• Destination
• d Lounge
• Mix / Vics
• Salsa Caribe
• Xiu

Place You’re Most Likely to Get Shanked, Probably by Management

• 9.9
• Butterfly
• Cheers
• Elements
• Kai
• School Bar

Most Likely to Hear the Phrase “YOLO, Bitches!”

• The Brick
• Kokomo
• Lush
• Modernista
• Pyro
• Wu

Music That Doesn’t Suck. NOT Suck

• 2 Kolegas
• Hot Cat Club
• Jianghu
• MAO Live House
• Temple
• What Bar
• XP
• Yugong Yishan

Corollary: Music That Kind of Sucks

• 2 Kolegas
• Hot Cat Club
• Jianghu
• MAO Live House
• Temple
• What Bar
• XP
• Yugong Yishan

Mr. Sex (and drugs) (analyzed by Drake Moreau)

A Place You’ll Only Patronize if You’ve Been Drugged and Taken There in the Back of a Trunk

• Cafe del Mar
• Green Cap
• Frank’s Place
• The Irish Volunteer
• Little Britain
• Park Side Bar and Grill

Best Bathroom for Having Sex, Doing a Line, or, Most Likely, Both

• 2F
• Aperitivo
• Dada
• The Kro’s Nest
• Mesh / Punk
• Zeta Bar

Most Likely to Leave You with Blue Balls (or the Female Equivalent)

• The Bookworm
• The Box
• Cafe de la Poste
• Siif
• Twilight
• VA Bar

Best Place to Find a Date

• 4corners
• Great Leap Brewing
• El Nido
• Fubar
• Lush
• Modernista

Best Place to Find a Lay

• Chocolate
• The Den
• Latte
• Maggie’s
• Propaganda
• Pyro

Vote in the 2nd annual Beijing Cream Bar and Club Awards

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