Shenzhen Newspaper Wants You To Know Its City Is Flawless. Also, 28 Celsius

Shenzhen via Conde Nast

Last month, Conde Nast readers chose Shenzhen and Guangzhou as among the world’s unfriendliest cities. Here’s the blurb on Shenzhen, ranked 14th most unfriendly:

Another big business city (the Shenzhen Stock Exchange is here), Shenzhen didn’t win over our readers. Though some like the shopping and spas and the proximity to Hong Kong, others complained it was “too crowded” and “dirty,” winding up at visiting “only if I have to.”

You know who disagrees? State-owned Shenzhen Evening News, which published a rather incredible article on August 6. It wasn’t a response to Conde Nast or anything — the journos at SEN probably think Conde Nast is a Brazilian river — but it nonetheless went viral on Sina Weibo, according to Hug in China’s Bernd Chang.

The “article,” titled, “We’re 28 C, we speak for Shenzhen,” is an imagined conversation between Shenzhen and Hangzhou, Chongqing, Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou. Most of Shenzhen’s responses are “We’re 28 C,” which is about what you’d expect from someone with the intellect of a trained walrus.

But wait! It turns out Shenzhen isn’t actually mentally challenged, but just a massive troll. A screenshot of the story in Chinese is below, followed by a translation. Check out what Shenzhen tells the other cities:

Shenzhen we are 28 C

Hangzhou: We are a human paradise.

Shenzhen: We’re 28 C.

Chongqing: We are the largest municipality.

Shenzhen: We’re 28 C.

Beijing: We are the political and cultural center, nicknamed the Imperial Capital.

Shenzhen: We’re 28 C.

Shanghai: We are an international metropolis, nicknamed the Demon Capital.

Shenzhen: We’re 28 C.

Guangzhou: We are the millennial commercial capital.

Shenzhen: We’re 28 C.

Other cities: Deathly boring! Can you stop talking about the temperature?

Shenzhen: We don’t have earthquakes, nor floods, nor landslides; we can sell watermelons at the gate of residential compounds, chengguan don’t beat people, don’t stomp on their heads; we often have blue skys and white clouds, and every day we don’t breathe toxic air; our coal-burning power plant project, we’ve cancelled; our police captain stands on the street on duty, never beats people; we have many high-tech companies, the employees receive hundreds of thousands in annual dividends; we’re liberated here, don’t need to solicit primary school students…

Other cities: OK, let’s talk about the temperature.

Shenzhen: Tomorrow we’re 27 C.

You’ll note that of the things Shenzhen claimed it did not have — natural disasters, mean chengguan, toxic air, etc. — it did not include public pooping and sink holes. Because holy hell do we have some public pooping and sink hole stories to share right now:

That’s okay, Shenzhen. No one’s perfect. It’s just that the rest of us kind of know it.

Shenzhen newspaper brags about Shenzhen… (Hug in China) (Image Conde Nast)

10 Responses to “Shenzhen Newspaper Wants You To Know Its City Is Flawless. Also, 28 Celsius”

  1. Danny

    Dude!!! Have you been to Beijing? I lived there for 2 years and i fucking hates it. Now i live in Shenzhen and absolutely loved it!!! People are alot nicer and they’re more relax overall. FYI: hookers are everywhere no matter if Shenzhen have more or not, Beijing is not far behind!

    Reply
  2. Chinese Netizen

    Proud of the fact that the police captain doesn’t beat people? Sorry, but other than having to transit through LoWu sometimes to cross the border, I don’t have any compelling reason to spend any time in SZ.
    Soulless, uncouth crap hole magnet for poor Hong Kong men looking to act like big shots and getting laid.

    Reply
  3. King Tubby

    Who are all these scumbags (minus 1) above?

    Sz is a pretty okay city, at least around Futian. (For fucking forget Bo’an however.) Great transport. Semi-reasonable air quality. English library. Great Sichuan and Hui restaurants. Interesting people from all parts of China.

    The hooker quotient. Big deal… all that tells me is your preoccupation, and if you can’t get our ashes hauled in SZ for nothing, you must be a total dog with personal hygiene issues.

    Reply
  4. The South China Mafia

    Stupid article that misses the point of Shenzhen entirely. No-one in Shenzhen COMES from Shenzhen. Its a city made up of 99% immigrants. No other city is anything like that. So…

    1) Shenzhen has the best selection of Chinese restaurants anywhere;
    2) People have to get on with each other and there’s been no time to build up family feuds, people have to be nicer (and are)
    3) Shenzhen’s got two cool beaches: Xiaomeisha and Daomeisha
    4) The nightclubbing is amazing
    5) Female-Men ratio of 4-1, great for men and lesbians
    6) Its a fucking long way away from Beijing politics
    7) 24 border open with Hong Kong
    8) Cheap flights to international Asian resorts from SZ airport
    9) Great infrastructure
    10) Fantastic typhoon surfing

    Whoever wrote that Conde Nast article knew jack shit about Shenzhen and shame on “Beijing” Cream for taking upon itself to perpetuate the story. Wanna write about China, stick to Beijing, you muthafuckas you’re outta your depth here. Come down here and we’ll break your legs if we catch you dissing our joint again.

    Reply

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