The Situation Is Excellent: The Week That Was At Beijing Cream

July 9 – July 15

An escalator snapped off a boy’s leg and mangled a girl’s hand, a foreigner was stabbed to death near Qianmen, piranhas attacked a man in Guangxi province, and the Quxi River in Wenzhou turned milky white after a latex factory failed. If Global Times were a real newspaper, here’s what it would look like.

Alicia shared her thoughts about a bygone Hong Kong upon a slideshow showing the city from 40 years ago, and the Good Doctor wrote about rock climbing in Beijing. Here are some great black-and-white photographs of old China, and a tutorial on why Beijing traffic is so bad.

Sad stories: a boy was nearly killed when an industrial air pump was pushed against his anus and turned on, three bengal tigers ganged up on one of their cousins and killed him, and nearly 200 sheep were killed by a blast of lightning in Xinjiang.

On the lighter side of news, a cop politely told a man to stop standing on the back of his motorcycle (linked by Kotaku and Buzzfeed), a father built a swimming pool in the back of his van for his son (linked by Jalopnik), a father and son rowed a boat down a street, and a drunk security guard successfully — then unsuccessfully — tried his hand at carjacking (linked by Kotaku). Though this isn’t funny, it’s encouraging that a man trying to break a world record for tightroping survived his scary fall. And this is kind of sad, kind of amusing: the Olympic torch relay in Brentwood, featuring Li Bingbing.

Didier Drogba has landed in Shanghai. Here’s an Olympic streaker, a young lady fighting an elderly woman over a dog, and Xinua’s “tilt shit” photographs. It was, as always, a good week to be alive.

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