The Situation Is Excellent: The Week That Was At Beijing Cream

October 21 – October 27

The Beijing Marathon brought out the public urinators and runners in blackface. Nick Compton wrote about two places in Wudaokou worth visiting. Harbin has been having some… problems.

CCTV made a regrettable tweet about Zhou Yongkang, which it quickly deleted. Also, it did some bullshit expose on Starbucks.

A cute kid said something funny about China, and lots of people are mad. North Korean paintings of China are great. Buddhist frescos were ruined when officials painted over them.

Comments of the Week:

Eric Gaspard, writing about his brother, a CBA coach:

I an Gary Gaspard’s brother. He has always been a level headed coach and conducted himself to the highest stanrds of professionalism on the court. It us my opinion that this situation spiraled out of control and caught my brother at his ends wit. I fully anticpate that he and his team will be able to recover from this set back and triumph.

Vici, on a post about a Shanghai subway fight:

I’m visiting my brother in Beijing and I’ve been seeing tons of hot local girls around wearing short dresses. I hadn’t been able to jack off in like 2 weeks, and after reading online about Beijing massage parlors I decided to head to one.

I was nervous, but I did my research to be well prepared. I went through the back door of the place, as the online ad suggested, and I was greeted by an old and ugly Chinese woman. She is called the mamasan, I read. The mamasan asked me questions about myself to make sure I’m not a cop and then asked me if I had gotten a massage before. I replied, “I’ve had non-theraupetic massages before”, which is the lingo for “I want a happy ending.” She smiled immediately and asked me if I got one in Beijing (I told her I’m from Guo Mao), to which I replied “yes.”

She wanted to set me for a standard 30 min massage for RMB500. But I heard that you can’t enjoy yourself in 30 mins, so I asked for the 45 min for RMB700. By mentioning the online special, she reduced it to RMB600. She then left and told me to get comfortable. Another sign that you want the extra services is that you get fully naked at this point and lie down on the bed, so I did and wrapped a towel around me. The room was very private, clean, and was dim lit to make me comfortable.

The masseuse comes in and she looks kind of like late 20′s.
But her ass wasn’t that big, her dress was really short and black, and her hair was just straight. She was a bit thick, but not fat or chubby.

She tells me to get up because I had the towel on wrong. I had been thinking a few dirty thoughts already so I had a semi-boner. I also read that they want to see a boner so that they know you want the happy ending. So I get up and let her take off my towel, fully naked and with a semi-boner. She then puts it on right and I lie face down on the bed. She jumps on my back with her legs spread against my sides, so that I could feel her bare pussy while she rubs my back. I’ve never had a professional massage before, but it was really good and the warmth of her pussy rubbing against me was great. I tried to make small talk, because I figured going in there with a good attitude might make her want to do the job better. I asked her where she was from, talked about the weather and stuff like that, then tried to humor her but there was a language barrier so she didn’t laugh at everything. She was from Chongqing. I also knew that you should never talk about the extra services until she turns you around and starts playing with your dick.

She turns me around after a while and asks me, “So, you want extra services?”. I asked her what she had to offer. She made a jerking off motion, a blowing motion, and also “everything.” I asked her how much everything cost, and she said US$140. I told her I only had $100. She acted like she was thinking about it and then told me it was my lucky day; since I’m leaving back to the States soon again she would do it (or so she said).

She excuses herself to go grab a condom and comes back to undress herself. Her skin was really smooth. No signs of rashes or anything, and she had a nice curvy ass and big pointy brown nipples. She gets on the side of the bed and puts the condom on with her mouth. She then says “SO BIG, SO BIG” while she giggled. ([face_mischief] yeah, yeah, I know I could have left this part out. Although a big dick is completely useless if you have no game like me, but I digress.) She continued to flick her tongue wildly around my dick and sucked it briefly. She sensed I was a bit nervous and told me I could touch her. She guided my hand to her breasts. The nipples were really nice and pointy and I wanted to suck them. I moved her towards me so I could kiss her and suck her breasts, but as soon as I gave her a kiss on the lips, she squatted on top of my dick and penetrated herself with my fully erect cock.

It felt really good but I guess I was still too nervous because I wasn’t building up to an orgasm, just like the first time I had sex. I think she sensed this and asked me if I wanted another position. I got on top of her and I did the work, however I’m pretty bad at missionary style. I liked the intimacy of it and to be able to give it to her at my rhythm, but again I wasn’t building up to cum. She asked again if I wanted another position, and we tried doggy. This is when it got really good… I was able to relax and give it to her hard, effortlessly. The sight of her nice round ass turned me on a lot too, and I was about to cum after just 2 mins of this position. So I slowed down, and told her I didn’t want to cum too fast. When I felt I was really close, I leaned over her and kissed her neck while I rested my dick all the way inside her. She playfully shook her hips to make my dick bounce inside her. After a few mins of controlling my pace, I started giving it to her rough, trying to see how much I could take my dick in and out and gauge her reaction by her moaning. I was starting to feel she was enjoying my dick and she grabbed my ball. The instant warmth made me want to cum. I told her I was going to cum, and she said “ohhh yess baby” as I let loose deep in her.

She told me to lie down on the bed and removed my condom. She repeated “so big hehe”, I don’t know if she was referring to the load I was building up for 2 weeks, my dick, or both, but it helped my self-esteem. She went away to throw away the condom and brought me some warm wet towels to clean my dick off. She finished with a short massage of random body parts and then there was an awkward silence. I didn’t have the time, but I guessed I still had like 5-10 mins left and I was hoping we would cuddle or kiss, or something. I asked her if I should dress, and she said yes. She helped me dress, and she noticed my undershirt was sweaty (it was a hot day), so she fanned it and blew on it. It was nice, but sort of unnecessary. I then handed her $100 in 20s, she didn’t count it and just put it in her dress.

I got confused on the tipping though, is the $100 the tip? Or was I supposed to tip extra? Oh well, I told her I only had $100, so I don’t think she was expecting a tip. We kissed on the lips and I got walked out. I noticed that I was there for a total of 38 mins, but the sex probably only lasted 10-15 mins. I would do it again, however I’d try to get a skinny asian girl (like in all the Korean or Jap porn), which is more my type.

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