The Situation Is Excellent: The Week That Was At Beijing Cream

October 14 – October 20

Alison Gold’s “Chinese Food” is the new worst song you’ve ever heard. Michael Bay was attacked by an AC-wielding “zombie” in Hong Kong. Boris Johnson rode Beijing subway and commented on it, for some reason.

Speaking of subways, check out this pretty sweet fight on Shanghai Metro Line 2. Justin Bieber made a music video on the Great Wall. Ningbo media was attacked for its Yuyao disaster “reporting.”

A new law requires chengguan to act nice. A mainland tourist helped save a drowning man in Hong Kong. The Ministry of Commerce is trying to ban HIV-positive people from public bathhouses.

The Lakers and Warriors played in Beijing, while Team China lost to Taiwan in basketball… again. Check out Xiaomi’s Twitter account.

Appreciate the “charm of Chinese female navy soldiers,” would you? Rake up the butt. Goddamnit, squat toilet.

Comment of the Week:

Jess, on Friday links:

[sigh] All the good men are either married or are gay prostitutes.

Honorable mention: “Patrice Wilson” (note: not the real Patrice Wilson), on the Alison Gold video:

how long until the first video of chinese elementary students singing this song gets posted on beijing cream?

i actually think the kindergarten-level simplicity of the lyrics and the…straightforward/kungfu panda-style take on chinese culture will make this a decent intro-english teaching aid.

side point, if Ark Music Factory keeps pumping out these gems, it will only be a matter of time before they join the ranks of Tommy Wiseau and The Asylum as camp auteurs.

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