The Situation Is Excellent: The Week That Was At Beijing Cream

December 17 – December 23

King Tubby’s inaugural Blogging the Bloggers column set people talking – many of you, I feel, don’t quite get it yet. North Korea’s KNCA declared Kim Jong-un Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year.” And if you haven’t yet, play Pyongyang Racing, the first computer game to come out of North Korea.

Footage of the Guangshan county knife slasher was released. Another person was killed in a school — by a hatchet. Andy Warhol’s largest traveling exhibition is coming to Asia, but his famous Mao paintings won’t be included on the China leg of the trip. And the Daily Mail wrote a shamefully bad China story.

Are we alive? Yes? Okay, just wanted to make sure.

Here’s the inspiring story of a one-legged basketball player. A Chengdu woman gave birth on a moving bus. Police detained a woman petitioning for safety in the Beijing subway, while cops in Shandong petitioned against corruption, with one saying, “In the past we tried to stop people from protesting. But now we’re in the same situation as them. We don’t know what to do.” Meanwhile, a man casually peed off a Beijing subway platform.

Internet censorship was in the news a lot: People’s Daily wrote about it, Global Times editorialized on it, and the Chinese ambassador to the UK talked about it. Oh yeah, China upgraded its firewall.

Jackie Chan had a bad week. A shark tank burst on Shanghai’s Nanjing Road. Dumpsters in Bijie now explicitly prohibit human and animal entry. The nail grave in Taiyuan was officially moved, while here’s a gingerbread house that also didn’t escape chai-qian.

Finally, let us relive the most epic backyard wrestling of all time.

Finally, finally… we redesigned!

Comment of the Week:

terroir, a friendly note to Chinese women on the post, “Papaya, dairy, soy, and massage can increase breast size: Global Times”:

Dear Chinese women,

Your breasts are fine. Great, even. They look good on you, and you look fabulous. Don’t mess up a good thing.

That is to put undue attention upon your breasts; don’t think you need cleavage. Cleavage with Chinese characteristics appears to be wearing an underwire for an A-cup just to squish them puppies to make a visible butt crack on your chest.

Don’t do it. Don’t weaponize your cleavage to look like the dress that you’re wearing is the illusion of a plumber pulling double overtime.

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