The Situation Is Excellent: The Week That Was At Beijing Cream

November 26 – December 2

People’s Daily confused The Onion’s satire — that Kim Jong-un was named the World’s Sexiest Man — as fact. But let us not forget that Western media has fallen for Chinese satire, too. Chen Kegui, nephew of Chen Guangcheng, was sentenced to 39 months in jail, and it’s a damn shame. Unicorn lair reconfirmed: North Korea media.

A young, sexy model was convicted for impersonating a police officer online. The Chongqing sex scandal has heated up, as we find out that Bo Xilai and Wang Lijun are involved. Meanwhile, a CCTV reporter learned that a lot of Chinese people were told humorous and horrifying things about sex. The Inaugural China Masturbation Contest has no winners, if you think about it.

Hu Jintao in 1984 was very different from Hu Jintao now. Kelly Mason reviewed Elton John’s Beijing show. Aircraft Carrier Style is a meme, thanks to Chinese Internet. Taiwan was kind of upset its actors and movies didn’t win more awards at its Golden Horse Film Festival. By the way, People’s Daily really, actually loves Kim Jong-un.

Real-life Bruce Lee fought back a gang of thugs who were sent to evict him. In other demolition-relocation news, the Most Awesome Nail House in Wenlin, Zhejiang province is no more. Petitioners marched in Beijing on World AIDS Day. And Gan Lulu is officially toxic, after she and her family got a TV station suspended.

Here’s all 6 minutes, 10 seconds that Gilbert Arenas was on the court in his CBA debut. Tracy McGrady also had a very eventful debut — in the same game, former Jazz Sundiata Gaines hit a buzzer-beating three-pointer. Mario Balotelli got a Genghis Kahn tattoo because… ah who the fuck knows, it’s Mario Balotelli.

Comment of the Week:

Wade, on the November 15 edition of Laowai Comics:

“If you don’t get it…then you just aren’t in the know.”

For real. This is right on. These comics are a good litmus test to see who gets out of the expat bubble and who stays comfortably inside.

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