The Situation Is Excellent: The Week That Was At Beijing Cream

November 5 – November 11

A Durex ad implied, not so subtly, that Barack Obama has a bigger penis than Mitt Romney, while a Shanghai company sought “condom testers.” Maya Moore scored 60 points in her third WCBA game, which we totally sorta called. And here are two images of Neil Heywood: as an English-teaching nobody who got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time; and someone with British intelligence ties.

On Thursday, we live-tweeted the opening day of the 18th National Congress while everyone’s Twitter accounts was being hacked. A CCTV reporter had a total brain shutdown while reporting live from Dubai. The toughest question asked so far at the congress came from an 11-year-old. We had some fun with pictures of delegates arriving in Beijing: I’m Rick James, bitch! And can you resist the animal magnetism of Hu Jintao?

A 17-year-old tried to castrate himself because he was ashamed of his erections. A woman in Hunan, hit by a car while crossing the highway, was then run over repeatedly by drivers that didn’t slow down, reminding some of Yue Yue. Japanese runners were initially not allowed to register under “Japan” at the Beijing Marathon, a decision that was quickly reversed. Wen Jiabao said he will have people investigate his family’s “hidden fortunes” — ha!

If China were a two-party democracy, here’s how an election might turn out. Obama inspired even Chinese netizens with his victory speech. Here is a collection of ObaMao images. Google’s had a rough week in China – people aren’t happy.

Zhangjiajie Style might make the short list of best Gangnam parodies ever, while here’s a Xi Jinping bobblehead dancing for Tibetan independence — to Gangnam Style, of course. A 6-year-old piano prodigy from Hong Kong dazzled Ellen. Mark Zimny’s IvyAdmit is doing just fine. Global Times has some fine advice for you singles on Singles Day, and here’s their contest to find the next big laowai.

This is, officially, the longest Week in Review post ever, but that’s OK because it’s also our most-viewed week ever. Thanks to all of you.

Comments of the Week:

Jonathan Alpart, a new comment on an old post, Before Jumping, Young Man Leaves Girlfriend With Haunting Last Words [Graphic], playing off the phrase “Youku video for those in China after the jump“:

See the video after the jump?  I thought the video was the jump.

Honorable mentions: 

FREDDYKOOL, on The Best Female Basketball Player On The Planet, Maya Moore, Will Be Playing In China And Making A Lot Of Money:

FREDDYKOOL: IMAGINE SUE BIRD, DIANA TAURASI, AND THE MAGNIFICENT MAYA ALL ON THE COURT AT THE SAME TIME, WELL WHEN U R A UCONN FAN THINGS LIKE THIS FLASH THROUGH UR MIND…..GOOD LUCK MS. MOORE I LUV YA.

Adam Minter, on a car show in Guiyang that featured basically a naked woman playing with a snake:

Are you sure this isn’t a subtle homage to Zhora, the replicant stripper character, in Blade Runner? See here for comparison photo:

http://starwrecked.com/Star-Trek-celebrity-guest-Joanna-Cassidy-as-stripper-in-Blade-Runner.htm

Also, it’s very much the case that no Chinese city can consider itself as having ‘made it’ until it’s been compared to Blade Runner’s Los Angeles, anyway, it would make perfect sense for Guiyang to make subtle allusions. Or something like that.

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